Not even Bat-man could me.

[2muchlove]

I went to see Batman today in hopes of taking my mind off of things and I can safely say out of the 180 minutes I only had 2 of them not devoted to thinking of my ex. The callous hobo.

 

We officially broke up just over two weeks ago after a long, drawn out emotional cluster f*ck of a month. Had 1 week of NC then found out a lot of disgusting things.

 

Went back to NC.

 

Sent her an email telling her (in the nicest way) how terrible she is as a person.

 

Now it's two days after the email and I still can't stop thinking about the past.

 

I know time will make it better.

 

But I'm moving across the country next month with no job prospects. I have a month to find something and start making money and I'm still obsessed with the good times we had. Or my "friend" she's now talking to.

 

I'm incapable of focusing on anything else longer than 15 seconds before I revert back to my thought patterns.

 

My question is, how or when can I start to help myself out? My brain feels like its been replaced with one big, relentless, emotional watermelon.

Edited July 23, 2012 by 2muchlove

[Sheppy99]

The good news is from your post, you probably have a lot of negative times to draw on. What you should do is make a list of all the ****ty things she's done or times she's made you feel like **** and be as mean as you possibly can. If you have a smartphone, email the list to yourself on your phone and save it. And grab your phone whenever your mind starts to delve into thinking about all the good times. I did this with my last gf and it worked really well.

 

The situation I'm in now is horrible however and that won't work for me this time. I just spent the 5 most amazing weeks of my life with a girl I was damn sure gonna be the one and out of no where, she gets into my car bawling her eyes out saying she hasn't been honest with herself or me and that she really thought it would be different this time (Something about demons from her past) I have 0 bad times to draw upon and only amazing times to think about while trying to get over this amazing girl. When I said to her I love everything about her she replied "do you think u even really knew me?" sent shivers up my spine man. I was absolutely fantastic to this girl. But I guess I picked a broken one maybe. I dunno.

 

I'm on day 1 of NC and it was sooooooo frigging hard. I broke down multiple times but I know it will get easier and I've already made my rules if she comes back to me. Rule #1 she tells me everything and Rule #2 she tells me how this time is going to be different cause I'm not giving my heart to someone who is unstable again. But to see nothing in a person in 5 weeks and it come outta no where......... talk about a punch to the nuts

 

All I can say is try the list. My last gf I made almost 30 things that was either a negative quality or ****ty thing she did to me. When you start reading em one after another. It shocks your brain into realizing the truth.

[steveblack]

I have been on limited contact to nc for about month now. I have my highs and lows so i know what your going through. Thinking about all the good times, what happened, how I could of been better etc.. Those thoughts will kill you.

 

What has been helping me is putting things into prospective.

 

One of my coworkers, who was in a marriage for 20 years, had two kids relationship ended. He got into a car accident (not his fault) and she died on the spot (5 years ago). His love of his life died.

 

With this story and some of the stories I read on here, my 3 year relationship, that I was planning a future seems to be nothing in comparison. Yeah I think about her everyday, yea i want to contact her and say all the good stuff... yeah all those things. But life could be SO MUCH WORSE. This sucks, I know, but we will be alright.

 

 

I have been saying to myself the last couple of days "I am a good man and If she can't see that, well that is her loss." Sometimes things don't work out and it sucks.

[IST]

Know the feeling mate. You just have to feel what you gotta feel.

 

I went to the movie 3 seats down from my ex and she ignored me completely the entire time. (Before the movie and after)

 

I still managed to get immersed in the movie though, but the night after really sucked. Before the movie started she was talking to some friends about me too. (All I caught was "It was a good relationship" and "I just loss so much respect for him")

 

Just keep your head up. Don't let it hold you back.

[2muchlove]

Thanks for the encouragement fellas.

 

Sheppy, I read some of your posts, sorry to hear that. I've had a drive by love like that as well. It's even harder when you have few answers as to why it happened. However, I can safely say it will pass faster and keep the door open in the future for you two if she can work out her issues successfully.

 

I made a list of everything I hated. I know we weren't right for each other at some point we even talked about how we were always on separate pages with each other. But it doesn't take away from the strong feelings and connection we once shared unfortunately. Because it was truly something special. She would always thank me for saving her. And her final words to me were thanking me for "...making such a huge positive impact..." on her life. As if I was just some tool to make her a better person. Only to go back to the lifestyle I "saved" her from.

 

Being able to change peoples lives for the better is what I live for. But never in my life have I taken the time to make myself better. And that was the coup de grace for our relationship.

 

I need to learn how to WANT to focus on myself.

[keepdancin]

Just had to comment. It's been almost a year since my BU, and I remember going to the theater to see Immortals, which is just this awful, super violent action movie, like THE ultimate get your mind off of stuff movie. Several times throughout the film, tears roll down my face, and uh, not cuz it's heartfelt. I could barely stay in my seat because I just wanted to slide onto the floor into a puddle. But I held fast. I was like "DAMMIT, I am going to have a woohoo action moment, if it kills me." So, there were A FEW tiny moments that i didn't think of him, and I was grateful for those.

 

And they get longer.

 

Rather than beating myself up for the obsessive thoughts and longing, the grief and sadness, I am grateful for the moments that are mine alone, the moments when I'm engaged in a story or conversation or game or cooking, anything. The moments, I don't think of him. They started out few and far between (like flashes), but have gradually grown. He's still in my head all the time, but the moments without him in there are becoming more often and growing longer, and I am grateful for them.

 

It's kind of like when meditation is really working; it's when you don't even realize you were meditating, y'know? The thoughts just stop. Remember that the ex thoughts are conscious ones. You are choosing them. It doesn't feel like it, I know, they seem to just take over, but eventually you'll get better practice at choosing other thoughts. Be grateful for those, the people and stories that have the power to distract you if even for a moment are your best artillery. And you'll be like, "hey, I didn't think about the ex for that whole movie! I need to watch more movies like that."

 

Good luck!