virginboy Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Hi, Im in a 2 year relationship. Me and my girlfriend are great together, and we dont really have problems, but she does tend to shock me from time to time. I was brought up to wait till marriage before having sex. some may just say the i was sheltered. Well the thing is I knew that she had been with 2 people sexually already before me.. and i was fine with that, but a few days ago she came out with the whole truth and said that she didnt want to keep secrets from me and told me that there were actually 4 men that she had been with sexually. this kinda messed with my head, One because she lied about it, and two because I was now I would be number 5 on the list instead of number 3. she said it was because when she meet me she felt insecure about me being a virgin and if she told me about 4 guys i would have left thinking her to be a slut. and it really shouldnt matter, and i still love her alot, but i just feel hurt. my main question is.... What is the adverage amount of lovers a young lady of our generation (23) usually has? i feel like im stuck in the dark here, and that I dont know anything because i havent "been" with anyone....
StartingAgain Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Her sex life before you is none of your business. Not now, not ever. Do yourself a favor and don't ever discuss this with her again. Four men total for a 23 year old woman is not a lot of experience. I know women her age who have had that many in the last month. You feel hurt, because you dove into territory that you should have never gone to. You are using your conservative upbringing to judge her behavior. You choose to be a virgin, she does not. That's the way it is. If the number of sex partners your woman has had is ap porblem for you, you need to go look for another virgin. But good luck to you, there aren't many 20-something virgins left in the world. BTW, sometimes parents teach this no sex until marriage lesson for religious reasons. Others teach it so they won't have a teenaged parent as a child. You are a grown man now and you get to choose if remaining a virgin is something that is right for you.
miz_barby Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 I too agree that you shouldn't be too concerned! You know it's not likely she went out looking for "sex" she was probably in relationships that she thought would work out and it ended up that they didn't. Exactly like was said you chose to be a virgin and she chose not to be and it doesn't make her a slut! I think it's out of line for you to judge her. If you're not comfortable being with her then like they said to, look for a virgin but the likelyhood you're gonna find one is doubtful! You're lucky you found a woman who's only had 4 partners at age 23. That's not even one a year! Most relationships (when you first start dating don't last very long). Anyway good luck, don't judge, and hope things work out for ya!
sinner Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 I'd say your gf is about average. Try not to obsess about the other guys: Remember that she's with YOU, not with them.So have fun and learn some things from your gf.
Peeko Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 I'm currently 23 and have been in a 3 year relationship with my favorite. I've had a total of 3 'lovers' including him, and believe me, that's pretty conservative if you ask me! Maybe I'm a big city girl, but most girls I know of are somewhere in the 3-6 range...and I know PLENTY more who are well over that, try the 10-100 range! Let it go if you love her. She lied to protect you, gotta give her credit for that!
Amy22 Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 I don't think that is a high number. I am 22 and have been with 6 people. I agree that she is with you now and you should try not to worry about it. Just enjoy what you two have together.
GROBBY Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Men are funny about woman having had sex. I think most men would like to think every girl they care about NEVER had sex. The problem is, you being a man AND being a virgin and she being a woman and not being a virgin. I don't think it'll ever work out. At least not while the score is 4 to zero. You'll never get passed the fact that she slept with others (2 or 4, I don't believe it would matter) and, you'll probably unintentionally make her feel like you think she's 'easy' and the disrespect will always be there. You'll have it, she'll feel it. Unless you have sexual experiences that end in breakup, you'll never understand. Especially, being male. If you really really really want this to work out, read a few books that were written in this day and age. It may give you more acceptance of her sexual past.
Mr Spock Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 You can't have it both ways buddy. A girl that will sleep with you is not going to be a virgin.
StartingAgain Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 I had thought that all this "stay chaste until marriage" stuff was pretty much dead long ago. virginboy can do what he wants/needs to do, but I don't know many women who aren't completely hung-up about sex or ultra-religious who would even consider marrying a virgin man. The older he is, the less likely they are to want him. I have a friend who was raised a very strict Catholic. He was taught to wait until marriage. Well, he did just that. The problem is that he's kind of shy and, because he is a virgin, he doesn't have any self-confidence. He'd date, but when it came time for sex, he wouldn't go there and the women would move on. He is now 41 years old nad has never been with a woman. He doesn't want to be a virgin anymore, but as soon as a woman learns he's a 41 year old virgin, she understandably concludes that there must be something seriously wrong with him and ends the relationship.
Recommended Posts