KrisT Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I've found the people here on LS are insightful and for the most part a helpful guide to clearing a foggy mind, so I'm back for more constructive advice for my latest matter. My BF and I are nearing our year anniversary. I'm 32 and he is 36 which should be helpful background info. We both have had long term relationships in the past the longest was 9 years and his on and off for 7 years. Either of us have never been married or had kids. He is wonderful and we are perfect fit. Naturally we have had a couple bumps during the course of getting to know the each other, but we have had effortless discussions on those matters. Either agreeing to disagree moving on with it because the bump never sent us off track. Ultimately this has reveled over the last year how much we compliment each others personalities. Of course I could continue about how perfect our relationship is but I'll get to it. The most obvious and positive difference with this relationship then others I've been in is our maturity today. Both of us having a pretty solid idea of what we are both looking for. This relationship has been moving I feel at an appropriate speed in the terms of evolving. 2 months of dating without exclusivity, then exclusivity for a month before he was the first to say "I love you" then us having the "talk" about the timeline. He has always been adamant about kids before 40, I've been adamant for proposal, moving in, marriage, and then kids. In the last 9 months or so we have been looking online for a ring, house, and into an engagement session. We have "talked" of at least a year long engagement, words like love of my life, can't wait to be married to you. We have both taken the other to meet the family all of which have given there blessing to our blossoming relationship. All the signs. Early June over my b-day out, we where shopping and I saw Zales. Smiling I said hey lets check it out just to see if I still wear the same size ring as before, and if the style we've been looking at looks good on. His response was "well actually I've already bought one." Naturally it was exciting to hear him say that, but I stayed cool after all we've talked about marriage early on. Then over the 4th we went on vacation to the coast. It was amazing we even stayed an extra day, honestly though my mind strayed to his ring comment made over my b-day a couple times while vacationing thinking the coast might be a great opportunity for the proposal. Well now days away from the year anniversary, I'm anxious. Though we've only mentioned marriage and the proposal a few times over the year. I have always been clear and upfront on my desires for a future with him. Mentioning that I can't co-habitat before an engagement again and if after a year he doesn't know for sure if he wants to marry me he will never know. Neither want to waste the others time considering we are in our mid 30's. Well this post did not efficiently get to it after all, but what ya do!? If anyone needs more background info, I'll offer more if so. Now I'll finish saying any insight or comment anyone has in regards to what timeline works/worked for them or any additional insight or comments on my last year with him. Possibly advice on breaching this subject again if the year anniversary comes and goes with a kiss and a card again. I'd really appreciate the constructive insight anyone would like to give on this matter. Thanks!
Balzac Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Are you setting this anniversary as a proposal deadline? I mean he has purchased the ring. Kinda hard to demand. If he drags the wait, he's not ready to commit.
Balzac Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Simple math is longest wait of four years! HaHa. Oops.
Author KrisT Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Considering our age and desire for a child. His hope for fatherhood before 40, to the mutual feeling of finally meeting the love of your life I honestly feel it wasn't a deadline of a year it was just a shared desire. I guess this is part of the anxiety, feeling he may be another "faker". Now the ring slip has slowly been nagging at me. Ok he has it, its been almost two months since the slip and we are nearing a year. What is he waiting for? What also has been nagging at me which Balzac was able to notice in between all the fog floating in my mind, the nagging fear he wont be ready to commit. I don't want to be demanding, but now in this new and better long term relationship, I don't feel I can wait another 9 years not even 4 years before taking things to the next level. Any one else relate?
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