New here, my story/ rant

[abandonedalone]

This is my story and a rant all mixed into one. Feel free to move on lol!!

 

I was with my SO for just over 2 years. I have 3 children from a previous and together we had 2 babies (the youngest is just 3 months old)

We were a totally loved up couple, spent all our time together. Then he went away on a spiritual retreat. He came home distant, I assumed it was a holiday come down. 3 days later he complained of stomach pains and said he was popping to the drs. 1 hour later I call him up to find out what was going on. He was on a f-in train! Said he needed time and space. Swore blind no one else was involved.

2 days later I get a BS email blaming me and the kids for driving him to a near nervous breakdown and again, telling me no one else was involved.

 

So I hacked his email - low and behold! Lovey dovey emails between him and a woman he met at the weekend!!! Her mother offered him her spare room and off he went. Put our little one down for a nap, threw very few things out the back window and picked them up on his way "to the drs"

 

The S***bag was trying to blame me and the kids! So I went into his FB and told everyone what he had done. Screen shots and everything.

 

He has told me that he has no regrets about leaving MY children, as they are not his. Even though he swore blind to them many times that he would never leave them. And he was a GOOD dad, the kids loved him. And now he has cut them out of his life.

He emailed me to say "sorry, I went about it the wrong way, but what's done is done and now it's about the kids not you and I". That's it. That was my apology! He says he wants to see our babies, said he would email me the next day to arrange it. That was a week ago!

 

I did all the wrong things. I cried, I pleaded, I tried to endear to his soft side. He is cold, heartless and not the man he was when he was here. One minute he was putting up a curtain pole, the next minute he was running off to someone else! WTF??!! All his stuff is still here. Brand new clothes he'd bought just a week before, coats, sentimental items. Everything but his wallet, passport and hard-drive.

 

So now I have started NC. 4 days so far. It's bloody hard. I have so much unanswered, I feel so much injustice. I want to email this other woman and tell her exactly what I think, and to tell her that she shouldn't get too comfy cos very soon, he will leave her too and she'll be broken like me.

I have learnt more about him in the past 2 weeks than I learnt in 2 years living together! His friends are now my support system, he has very few friends left because of his actions.

 

I still miss him like crazy. Not the man he is, but the man he was. I am trying to treat it like a bereavement. The man I loved has gone. Secretly I hope and pray he will return. I want my family back together. But realistically, I think I blew any chance of reconciliation when I plastered it all over his facebook - which I am not ashamed of BTW! If I hadn't done it then everyone would have fallen for his lies and thought we were horrible to him.

And part of me doesn't want him back cos he's a cheating scumbag who abandoned his family and now pretends we don't exist!!!!

 

Oh and the best bit? His new woman, still lives with her husband!!! Yeah, I'm giving it til Christmas!!

 

I am trying really hard to make a new life for me and the kids. But I'm 30 something with 5 children. I feel as if my relationship days are well and truely over. So not only am I mourning my lost man, I am mourning for myself too. And mourning the fact that my kids now have no father. My eldest daughter, she has been put through a lot in her life (her "dad" was a violent alcoholic, my ex restored her faith in men) and has now decided that she is not interested in males. I don't blame her!

 

If you read this far, thank you

[steveblack]

Not to get into too much. Don't mourn yourself. You can and WILL get a better partner in your life.

 

Stop thinking and wasting your energy on your ex. Concentrate on yourself, and your kids.

 

 

The man you describe is not a man, but a boy.

[AlexanderJames]

So sorry to hear about what you've been put through. Just when I start thinking I've got things bad I read a sad story like this and it breaks my heart.

 

Everyone feels the same as you are right now when put in your shoes. You arent alone. Just stay strong with NC, you're doing a great job! You will have lots of hard low days to come but remember life is 1% what happens to us and 99% how we react to it. Don't let this beat you.

 

Things I want you to do for me (and for yourself). Don't let yourself forget the bad things. This boy never deserved your affection, and should never have been given the privelage of being a part of your childrens lives. He did what he did and he is gone. It's about you now. Write down a list of things you didnt like about him and things he did that hurt you and read it whenever you start to forget how heartless he was. Post on here whever you are feeling sad or weak. Do not let your emotions take you backwards. They will try to but as long as you come to myself and the support group here we will get you through this.

 

Something else to remember. How you have felt after previous breakups, much the same no doubt. You got through it then you can do it again now. You're young, your life isnt even halfway through yet. You dont honestly think you are the only person your age hurting and wanting to be loved? Age is a number, humans will seek companionship and romance regardless of our time on this earth. You will definitely find romance again, this I promise. You just have to want to

 

Best of luck, I hope this journey to recovery is speedy and problem free. And I will be keeping in touch to see how you and your kiddies are doing.