Secret to Success in OLD (for men)!

[jakelongot]

Let me first preface this by saying that I think (free) online dating sites are for the most part a waste of time for guys, so take this advice with a grain of salt.

 

Most OLD sites let you view people that have visited your profile...i know OKC does for sure.

 

1.) visit as many attractive women's profiles (i.e. women you could see yourself going a date with).

 

2.) Out of those women, you will get a certain percentage that will visit your profile in return. Those are your targets (i.e. women that for whatever reason have the slightest bit of interest...even if its 1%). Read each one of their profiles in detail and send them a message.

 

3.) In your message you need to be smart. 75% of guys on OLD give canned responses (ex: hi you are beautiful or you seem smart/ambitious/adventurers/generic non beauty complement). Another 20% will comment specifically on something in their profile (I like X movie too or that is my favorite book or I also went to Mexico blah blah). It is a little more specific to the person, but still shows little to no comprehension of what she has given you to work with.

 

You need to say something that indirectly comments on the "clues" she's given you with what she has put in her profile.

 

For example: There is a girl who likes a bunch of indie music and comments about being labeled a hipster. I respond with "Hi. I was reading your profile and thought I would given you a recommendation to check out the new LCD Soundsystem music documentary that came out last week. It seems like it would fit well with your music tastes. The headman James Murphy is a total hipster too! One of the better music docs I've ever seen."

 

This display of comprehension will impress her more than just regurgitating a piece of information directly from her profile. I see the music she likes and knowing what I can guage from her about her personality, I think she might like to try this new thing.

 

**Note** Other than dropping your name at the end of the message don't add anything. Don't talk about her beauty or her ambition or anything. Don't ask to chat or meet up or text of anything. Just the comment and your name. That's it. You don't want to come off as "aggressive" or "game-y" in the first message. Your goal is simply to get a response. Even a "thanks" is a win. You just want to get a conversation started.

 

4.) Wait for response. If she doesn't give you some kind of follow up from that she never will. Don't waste your time.

 

When they visit your profile, it's kind of like when they look at you in a bar. It might mean nothing, but she is definitely taking a second look because you've intrigued her enough to double check what her eyes saw at first. And that's the only thing that can give guys the slightest indicator of interest on an online dating site.

 

 

A little more on why i think OLD is stupid for guys...

 

The large majority of women aren't on there to meet anybody. Or to put it better, aren't on there to meet someone the same way guys are. They are on there for validation. They aren't getting enough attention in the real world and want guys to visit, message and drool about them. Dead serious most are on there just to feed their egos. Now that's not to say they can't be charmed by the right person, but dollars to donuts it is not going to be for some chump who shoots her a message about "how pretty she is" or "I enjoy sailing too."

 

The only men these women are responding too are the top 1% of attractive guys (which still have to work on OLD sites) or someone that completely stands out of the pack. And what makes that person stand out is usually so specific to that one person that you would almost have to read her mind to know it.

 

The women who visit your profile or message you without you first visiting theirs are 99% of the time below your standards. There is something wrong with them in real life to the point where they have resort to OLD. None of what i've written here really applies to them, but again, chances are those aren't the women you are going after anyway.

 

This really mostly applies to free sites where the is zero investment. Sites where you need to "pay to play" you generally find people who more often are there to actually meet someone. That's why they are paying.

Edited July 22, 2012 by jakelongot

[oaks]

2.) Out of those women, you will get a certain percentage that will visit your profile in return. Those are your targets (i.e. women that for whatever reason have the slightest bit of interest...even if its 1%). Read each one of their profiles in detail and send them a message.

 

I don't think this really indicates any level of interest. They can't tell whether they are interested by a thumbnail and a message that says "oaks visited your profile". However, if they visited my profile I do discover that they really are 'active' rather than a dormant account, and that's sometimes useful information as I don't want to waste time contacting people who haven't been online in weeks.

[madjac74]

Let me first preface this by saying that I think (free) online dating sites are for the most part a waste of time for guys, so take this advice with a grain of salt.

 

Most OLD sites let you view people that have visited your profile...i know OKC does for sure.

 

1.) visit as many attractive women's profiles (i.e. women you could see yourself going a date with).

 

2.) Out of those women, you will get a certain percentage that will visit your profile in return. Those are your targets (i.e. women that for whatever reason have the slightest bit of interest...even if its 1%). Read each one of their profiles in detail and send them a message.

 

3.) In your message you need to be smart. 75% of guys on OLD give canned responses (ex: hi you are beautiful or you seem smart/ambitious/adventurers/generic non beauty complement). Another 20% will comment specifically on something in their profile (I like X movie too or that is my favorite book or I also went to Mexico blah blah). It is a little more specific to the person, but still shows little to no comprehension of what she has given you to work with.

 

You need to say something that indirectly comments on the "clues" she's given you with what she has put in her profile.

 

For example: There is a girl who likes a bunch of indie music and comments about being labeled a hipster. I respond with "Hi. I was reading your profile and thought I would given you a recommendation to check out the new LCD Soundsystem music documentary that came out last week. It seems like it would fit well with your music tastes. The headman James Murphy is a total hipster too! One of the better music docs I've ever seen."

 

This display of comprehension will impress her more than just regurgitating a piece of information directly from her profile. I see the music she likes and knowing what I can guage from her about her personality, I think she might like to try this new thing.

 

**Note** Other than dropping your name at the end of the message don't add anything. Don't talk about her beauty or her ambition or anything. Don't ask to chat or meet up or text of anything. Just the comment and your name. That's it. You don't want to come off as "aggressive" or "game-y" in the first message. Your goal is simply to get a response. Even a "thanks" is a win. You just want to get a conversation started.

 

4.) Wait for response. If she doesn't give you some kind of follow up from that she never will. Don't waste your time.

 

When they visit your profile, it's kind of like when they look at you in a bar. It might mean nothing, but she is definitely taking a second look because you've intrigued her enough to double check what her eyes saw at first. And that's the only thing that can give guys the slightest indicator of interest on an online dating site.

 

 

A little more on why i think OLD is stupid for guys...

 

The large majority of women aren't on there to meet anybody. Or to put it better, aren't on there to meet someone the same way guys are. They are on there for validation. They aren't getting enough attention in the real world and want guys to visit, message and drool about them. Dead serious most are on there just to feed their egos. Now that's not to say they can't be charmed by the right person, but dollars to donuts it is not going to be for some chump who shoots her a message about "how pretty she is" or "I enjoy sailing too."

 

The only men these women are responding too are the top 1% of attractive guys (which still have to work on OLD sites) or someone that completely stands out of the pack. And what makes that person stand out is usually so specific to that one person that you would almost have to read her mind to know it.

 

The women who visit your profile or message you without you first visiting theirs are 99% of the time below your standards. There is something wrong with them in real life to the point where they have resort to OLD. None of what i've written here really applies to them, but again, chances are those aren't the women you are going after anyway.

 

This really mostly applies to free sites where the is zero investment. Sites where you need to "pay to play" you generally find people who more often are there to actually meet someone. That's why they are paying.

 

I like what you've written here and you make some valid points. I think you should start a blog about dating sites.

 

Here are some of my tips. Take a chance on the profiles that don't have a picture. I have met 2 unbelievably gorgeous women on okcupid and POF who did not have profile pics. I ended up dating one for over 2 years but thats another story. The point is that they don't want to be harassed by every douche on the site.

 

So take some time to comb through the profiles and actually find people with an interesting profile.

 

Also avoid any female with a picture where their head is down but they are looking up at the camera (You know the look)

[jakelongot]

I don't think this really indicates any level of interest. They can't tell whether they are interested by a thumbnail and a message that says "oaks visited your profile". However, if they visited my profile I do discover that they really are 'active' rather than a dormant account, and that's sometimes useful information as I don't want to waste time contacting people who haven't been online in weeks.

 

I completely agree. I even say something about this later in my post. Her checking your profile could mean absolutely nothing. Just like IRL when a girl looks in your direction at a bar. When she gives you another look she might realize, "oh nevermind". The point however is that she took a second look, which means at the very least the first time she looked there was at least the slightest bit of intrigue that warranted a closer investigation.

[jakelongot]

FWIW...i never used to get respones. THis new "technique" has had a very high success rate.

[Bob_Funk]

I prefer the hooker method. Why jump through a ton of hoops to maybe get a 3 or 4 (if you think you'll get any better than that from OLD, you're delusional) when I can just rent a 9?

 

OP, how many of these "beauties" have you actually f*cked?

[jakelongot]

I prefer the hooker method. Why jump through a ton of hoops to maybe get a 3 or 4 (if you think you'll get any better than that from OLD, you're delusional) when I can just rent a 9?

 

OP, how many of these "beauties" have you actually f*cked?

 

 

As I mentioned immediately in my first post, I think online dating is pretty useless in the first place. It is more of a needle and a haystack thing vs any place to expect consistent results.

 

My advice simply relates to getting a conversation going, which I know myself and several others have struggled with in the past. Where it goes from there is up to you.

[Bob_Funk]

As I mentioned immediately in my first post, I think online dating is pretty useless in the first place. It is more of a needle and a haystack thing vs any place to expect consistent results.

 

My advice simply relates to getting a conversation going, which I know myself and several others have struggled with in the past. Where it goes from there is up to you.

 

Okay, fair enough.

[Oxy Moronovich]

How many dudes on this forum are still OLD? I gave up on that **** within half a year. But it looks like dudes like El Brujo, irc, somedude, jobaba, dasein, phineas, PhillyDude, etc. are still doing it. Why?

[ThaWholigan]

Have a good profile. My profile isn't even at it's best and I got someone to message me - ended up with a BJ and a fondle session. She wasn't ugly at all either .

 

The key in my opinion is to be different. I've seen a lot of profiles over the years, so I know how to make myself standout. I also message a certain way that gets a decent number of responses.

[jakelongot]

How many dudes on this forum are still OLD? I gave up on that **** within half a year. But it looks like dudes like El Brujo, irc, somedude, jobaba, dasein, phineas, PhillyDude, etc. are still doing it. Why?

 

hopefully just to supplement their IRL dating adventures. As long as you don't get too invested in OLD and realize what the deal actually is with those sites, there is no harm.

 

I just feel bad for those where OLD is the only thing they are trying because (for guys specifically) it is a losing battle. Not worth investing much time or getting upset about.

[jakelongot]

Have a good profile. My profile isn't even at it's best and I got someone to message me - ended up with a BJ and a fondle session. She wasn't ugly at all either .

 

The key in my opinion is to be different. I've seen a lot of profiles over the years, so I know how to make myself standout. I also message a certain way that gets a decent number of responses.

 

I won't argue with your success, but this is waaay too passive for my tastes. I would be interested to see a picture of this girl. I'm thinking she's more like a 5 or 6 rather than a 8 or a 9.

[ThaWholigan]

I won't argue with your success, but this is waaay too passive for my tastes. I would be interested to see a picture of this girl. I'm thinking she's more like a 5 or 6 rather than a 8 or a 9.

It's too passive for me too, I usually do the messaging. It was simply a pleasant surprise - in fact I think it was a fluke personally .

 

I am quite wordy so I can present myself in any light without being deceitful about it. That usually helps. My pics could be better, I definitely could get more responses if I was fitter.

 

I agree with your premise about not taking OLD seriously, because honestly it's better to do things in person than online.

[Lonely Ronin]

Last time I checked, all dating is like this.

 

It is more of a needle and a haystack thing vs any place to expect consistent results.

[jakelongot]

Dating anywhere can be tough, but in response specifically to OLD:

 

Last time I checked, all dating is like this.

 

A little more on why i think OLD is stupid for guys...

 

The large majority of women aren't on there to meet anybody. Or to put it better, aren't on there to meet someone the same way guys are. They are on there for validation. They aren't getting enough attention in the real world and want guys to visit, message and drool about them. Dead serious most are on there just to feed their egos. Now that's not to say they can't be charmed by the right person, but dollars to donuts it is not going to be for some chump who shoots her a message about "how pretty she is" or "I enjoy sailing too."

 

The only men these women are responding too are the top 1% of attractive guys (which still have to work on OLD sites) or someone that completely stands out of the pack. And what makes that person stand out is usually so specific to that one person that you would almost have to read her mind to know it.

 

The women who visit your profile or message you without you first visiting theirs are 99% of the time below your standards. There is something wrong with them in real life to the point where they have resort to OLD. None of what i've written here really applies to them, but again, chances are those aren't the women you are going after anyway.

 

This really mostly applies to free sites where the is zero investment. Sites where you need to "pay to play" you generally find people who more often are there to actually meet someone. That's why they are paying.

[henderson14]

I actually think paid sites are worse because users are more desperate, where as the free ones will draw everyone. I just can't seeing a good female catch having to pay to use OLD.

[dasein]

I haven't done OLD in several years, but learned it and had much success with it if you count success as meeting and having sex with lots of high quality on paper women. I was not successful in terms of finding true quality women though.

 

I started out from zero, very bad picture, overweight, hasty profile, low response rate. Improved such that the last time I did it I sent 10 emails to the best profiles in a large metro area and had response from seven. Picked one too soon and had lots of hot sex with the usual headcase for a couple months. Then had a LTR with a feminist nouveau and... well... we all know where that ended up.

 

During all this I dated two women who volunteered their pswd so I could look at the mail they were getting. Like regular dating, it is all about looks and social value in attracting female attention. Commonalities, warmth, etc. all mean very little until looks and value are established.

 

OP's advice is very good, but I don't really agree with the "cool, helpful reference she may like," find many guys tend to do that. I do read between the lines references and mostly nonsensical things. I asked a woman posing on the beach in front of her turtle shaped sandcastle who liked Seinfeld if she was a marine biologist and if she had ever ridden a sand turtle. I then went on to describe life among the sand turtles during my days as an aboriginal (I'm very white and corporate looking). Said I was currently studying refrigerator repair and macrame' at the junior college and asked if she had ever dated a refrigerator repairman who could knit. Yes, they respond to this kind of thing.

 

The point is that social value is best demonstrated in a kind of "I don't give a f and mostly amuse myself" attitude, kind of like Chevy Chase in Caddyshack (playing a trust fund guy with glimmers of brilliance), as opposed to "latching on" to every nugget of commonality she could mention. Let that commonality building be HER idea, once she is laughing, and she will fall into her own trap, never supplicate, but once some smartass edge has been established, then and only then go very easily into commonalities, always ready to back out into some kind of absurdist patter. Works for me, but it really is all about looks and social value.