2456249 Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years 6 weeks ago and have hooked up with him about 5 times since then. He admitted to me last week that while we were together he kissed a girl at his work and almost had sex with some other girl at a party. Even knowing this I still hang out with him and have sex. He wants me back in his life so bad, he makes these promises to change and that things are gonna be different because he knows how to change things. I know deep down that change doesn't happen overnight, but he seems to think it will. 3 years ago he cheated on me and promised never to do it again, but then broke that promise and did. The situation with the girl at his work is so messed up because she kept texting him and i knew something was not quit right so I would get upset and he would tell me I am insecure, jealous and immature. But it turned out I was right, so not only did he cheat on me, but he lowered my self esteem and got me to believe I am insecure when I was right all along. So now I am secretly seeing him, but I hate it. I hate that I can't stay away from him. I miss him all the time and love being around him, especially now because he is being so nice and attentive. How can I break this addiction to him because I feel like I am almost powerless..
avi_28 Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Last few days I kept thinking how I can move on from missing him, his comfort (when he would give it) and his warmth etc.. but after everything that has transpired between us I have no other choice but to just quit thinking all this like cold turkey. Some how you have to find the strength and courage to just "Let Go" he's already told you he kissed another and almost had sex with someone else... TO me that's a broken heart ON TOP of another one that loses trust... I know deep down in my heart my guy has done something but he doesn't want to be proven wrong and it sucks bc all I've ever asked him was honesty.. My guy has convinced me that I am going crazy, has made me lose my self esteem, insecure and on top of it all he can look me straight in the face and say he hasn't done anything but changed passwords and lying then admitting the next day about what happen during an incident just has made me believe that I can't do this with him anymore... It's hard Hun and you will overcome all this... it's just time to slowly walk away and not look back...
KatZee Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 He's not going to change... nothing's changed. He's only telling you what you want to hear to keep you hooked on him. Power comes from within YOURSELF not from someone else. You keep making the choice to go see him. You keep making the choice to continue sleeping with him. Start making THE OTHER choice. When he asks you to hang out, SAY NO. He cheated on you three years ago, he "said" it wouldn't happen again and it did. And it almost happened a third time. He's no prize. He doesn't respect you, his needs and pleasure comes before everything else including you. People like him DO NOT CHANGE. Habitual cheaters DO NOT CHANGE. There is nothing you can do to make him change, the only thing you can do is start taking your life back. You need to cut it off cold turkey. You don't NEED to see him. You don't NEED to have sex with him. You don't NEED his warmth...(and honestly what warmth comes from a guy that cheats on you over and over???) You just WANT all of this. You WANT the good aspects... and you will have good again, if you free yourself and open yourself to finding a quality guy who won't use you and walk all over you. And you even say, "His comfort (when he would give it.)" So you're OK just taking the scraps and crumbs of whatever he throws at you? You need to block his number, email, facebook, and fill your life with other things. Not this guy. It's hard, but you need to do this for yourself. 1
Author 2456249 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 He's not going to change... nothing's changed. He's only telling you what you want to hear to keep you hooked on him. Power comes from within YOURSELF not from someone else. You keep making the choice to go see him. You keep making the choice to continue sleeping with him. Start making THE OTHER choice. When he asks you to hang out, SAY NO. He cheated on you three years ago, he "said" it wouldn't happen again and it did. And it almost happened a third time. He's no prize. He doesn't respect you, his needs and pleasure comes before everything else including you. People like him DO NOT CHANGE. Habitual cheaters DO NOT CHANGE. There is nothing you can do to make him change, the only thing you can do is start taking your life back. You need to cut it off cold turkey. You don't NEED to see him. You don't NEED to have sex with him. You don't NEED his warmth...(and honestly what warmth comes from a guy that cheats on you over and over???) You just WANT all of this. You WANT the good aspects... and you will have good again, if you free yourself and open yourself to finding a quality guy who won't use you and walk all over you. And you even say, "His comfort (when he would give it.)" So you're OK just taking the scraps and crumbs of whatever he throws at you? You need to block his number, email, facebook, and fill your life with other things. Not this guy. It's hard, but you need to do this for yourself. Thank you so much for your reply! You are so right, but it's like this awful addiction that keeps me talking to him. I think I get so bored and lonely that I turn to him because he is being so nice and entertaining. Maybe I am addicted to the drama. On thursday I have a appointment with a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships. I hope that she can help me change my life, because I literally feel like I have no power at all over him. I just can't resist his calls or wanting to see him. It's awful, makes me hate myself so much. Thanks
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