trappedinnc Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 My wife stated having an affair with her boss a couple of years ago. We have two daughters at ages 8 & 3. I found out about the affair in August 2011. She could not stop seeing other man and I forced her out of the house in February 2012. I briefly dated a few women over the first few months. My wife and I started talking again in May. By June we were intimate again. Mid June she became pregnant (I'm sure it's mine but I will have paternity test done). She never completely let OM go. I know they talked on occasion. This causes tension in our relationship cause I was jealous and upset that I had stopped seeing people for her. Currently she is talking if not sleeping with other man again and very bitter and cold toward me. The several fights we had were intense (not violent) and I think she is using that as an excuse to justify her move back to him. So... We have decided to keep this baby. I was Adament about it after we saw the first ultrasound (prior to that I wasn't sure). I guess I'm looking at advice on to what to do next. I feel like we should reconcile but she is not interested. We both plan on being active parents and she wants me involved in all the normal baby stuff but she is not willing to get rid of OM. My wife and I are separated living in different houses. Seems like I should just ignore her (other than prenatal dr. Visits) until she is willing to permanently get rid of other man and work on the marriAge and seek professional counseling.
Emme Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 If you want to partake in this pregnancy do so as you did with your other children. Change nothing. What you have to do though is keep in the front of your mind that this child might not be yours. Yes you will form an attachment but I would hate for you to miss out on this experience because your wife isn't capable of getting her act together. I'm sure you can deal with the emotions if this child isn't yours. Don't punish this child. Next thing on your list of things to do is get a paternity test for your other 2 children. Even if they are yours and you know it, still do it. I don't know why DNA tests are not mandatory at birth. It should be. I hope your wife gets the help she needs. I would say move her in for the duration of her pregnancy but that might be too much for you. I wish you well.
Artie Lang Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 the affair never stopped. you're a cuckold, dude.
Radu Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 If you want to partake in this pregnancy do so as you did with your other children. Change nothing. What you have to do though is keep in the front of your mind that this child might not be yours. Yes you will form an attachment but I would hate for you to miss out on this experience because your wife isn't capable of getting her act together. I'm sure you can deal with the emotions if this child isn't yours. Don't punish this child. Next thing on your list of things to do is get a paternity test for your other 2 children. Even if they are yours and you know it, still do it. I don't know why DNA tests are not mandatory at birth. It should be. I hope your wife gets the help she needs. I would say move her in for the duration of her pregnancy but that might be too much for you. I wish you well. Woman's lobby would scream murder, out of 300k dna tests done each yr in the US about 100k turn up that the man who is responsible for them is not really the father. Sucks tbh. OP, do the DNA tests for the other 2 kids. Do the DNA test for this kid. I think one of two things happened : - she got knocked up by the OM and is disguising the pregnancy to seem yours. You can do DNA test before the baby is born btw. - she did the ultimate act to bring you from the backburner, and used this future innocent child in this scheme. Either way you are dealing with some real POS, so lawyer up and act smart. 5
dreamingoftigers Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Get the paternity test! Jeepers, don't talk reconciliation with someone blatantly unrepentant. Believe in it if you want, hope for it if you must, but don't blab to her about it!
Emme Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I just realized you stated you were separated living in different houses. If you are not legally separated do so before the child is born. 4
Radu Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 OP, research the option of doing the paternity test before the baby is born, see her reaction when you go in for it. Do the paternity tests for the kids, gauge her reaction when this is happening. Legally separate or continue down the divorce path. Do all of this within the next 1 month. First trimester the body of pregnant women still is adjusting to it, so generally come 2nd she will get quite horny ... increased chance she might relapse into her boss. As a man you also know that pregnancy can make some women more attractive. As such, you need to show her you are a man and not a doormat, women will never love a man they do not respect to some degree or another and she does not respect you. You need to play hardball, for your girls too ... or else they will see that acting like their mother does is OK with their future partners.
pink_sugar Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I agree with the others. A lot of people think physically separating is the same as a legal separation. It's not. My dad went out with this woman who was not legally separated, but lived separately from her husband.
jnj express Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 This guy is/was her boss---this may make your wife really unhappy with you---but what the H!!! Go after her lover, if the NC, in your moniker stands for No Caro---you can sue HIM for Alienation of Affection, and for Criminal Conversation---and in all states you can sue him for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress File the suit/suits in your name, and in the name of your children, and in the name of the unborn child You send him one registered letter, demanding he stop all contact with your wife----you give him 2 weeks to stop, then see an atty., and file your suit/suits----at the very least he is gonna have to engage an Atty., to answer your complaint/complaints, or he will default Reason for filing complaints in all the different kids names as well as yours, is, that his atty is gonna charge him seperately to defend each and every one of those complaints, plus he is gonna have to pay multiple fees to answer each and every complaint. Also make sure you take control of your marital finances, so your wife can not give him money to answer the lawsuits-----i promise you, filing the suits will definitely get a response If you have the time, and do not wanna spend money on an atty.---go on line, or go to the law library, familiarize yourself with the various torts, learn their elements, and write up and file the complaints yourself---if it continues on past the default stage where he answers, then you can engage an atty., but at a lot less of a retainer, as you have already put in a major amount of work, on the civil suit. Beyond that you really have nothing---all you can do is watch it all continue to fall apart before your eyes 1
Just_A_Poster Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 DON'T be a fool and put your name on the birth certificate of a kid you don't even know is YOURS. If you're foolish enough to do that, you're on the HOOK for this kid for the next 20+ years whether it's yours or not. Your wife apparently likes to bed-jump and is too stupid to know how contraception works. The LAST thing she needs is to bring a baby into her dysfunctional mess - especially one whose parentage isn't even known. What a dumbass. Her parents must be so proud.
road Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 This affair must be exposed. You must tell OMW, WW family, friends, your children must be told the truth in an age appropriate way that mom has a boy friend. Also expose the affair at WW's work. If OM is not the owner the go over his head and expose to HR, CEO, and the Board of Directors. As said inform the hospital when WW goes in to give birth that your name is not to go on the birth certificate and that a paternity DNA test is to be done. I have seen it happen too many times where the WW gets knocked up by the OM. Then the WW afraid that the OM is not going to step up and divorce his BW or leave his GF forces the WW to fake a recovery so she will have her BH "a baby daddy" legally on the hook to support her OC "love child".
nofool4u Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 My wife stated having an affair with her boss a couple of years ago. We have two daughters at ages 8 & 3. I found out about the affair in August 2011. She could not stop seeing other man and I forced her out of the house in February 2012. I briefly dated a few women over the first few months. My wife and I started talking again in May. By June we were intimate again. Mid June she became pregnant (I'm sure it's mine but I will have paternity test done). I don't know how it works, but if there is a way, you might see about getting the test done before you sign a birth certificate. Because I think most courts will hold liable the father whose name is on the cert. I'd just hate to see you get roped into supporting a child that isn't yours if you ever end up divorced. She never completely let OM go. I know they talked on occasion. This causes tension in our relationship cause I was jealous and upset that I had stopped seeing people for her. Currently she is talking if not sleeping with other man again and very bitter and cold toward me. ??? What? I think you need to force her out of the house again. Question, how DID you force her out of the house? Did she go willingly because she is the betrayer and felt it was her place to leave? Because you can't legally force her out. So... We have decided to keep this baby. I was Adament about it after we saw the first ultrasound (prior to that I wasn't sure). I guess I'm looking at advice on to what to do next. I feel like we should reconcile but she is not interested. If she isn't interested, then you shouldn't act like a clingy puppy dog(not saying you are doing this, just hoping you don't), and tell her she needs to go back to him, and get yourself a good attorney and let him/her know that you have a reason to believe the baby may not be yours. We both plan on being active parents and she wants me involved in all the normal baby stuff but she is not willing to get rid of OM. Her wishes for you to be involved are premature until you find out if this baby is yours. My wife and I are separated living in different houses. Seems like I should just ignore her (other than prenatal dr. Visits) until she is willing to permanently get rid of other man and work on the marriAge and seek professional counseling. I don't know why you'd want her still. She doesn't want to give up the OM. I don't think marriage counseling will change that. Even if she decides she must give him up, you'll be living with a woman that pines for this OM. Honestly, I think a better world is waiting for you out there. Let her be the OM's problem, and she will be when their relationship gets some age on it.
Wanderer25 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Did you expose them at work? Is the OM married? Does the family and friends know? 1
Steadfast Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Get the paternity test! Jeepers, don't talk reconciliation with someone blatantly unrepentant. Believe in it if you want, hope for it if you must, but don't blab to her about it! Love this. Nothing more needs to be said. 2
Emme Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 At first my mind said legally separate to protect him from financial responsibility but in some states I don't even think that protects him. If the child was conceived during wedlock he might still be financially responsible. Whether he signs the birth certificate or not. So now I'm leaning towards divorce. I can't even picture paying for another mans baby. I'm getting chest pains just thinking about it.
SoleMate Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Family laws (affecting custody, presumption of fatherhood, support etc.) are complicated and vary greatly among states. Whatever else you do, please make SURE you quickly pay for 1 hour of time with a highly competent family/divorce lawyer to understand all the possibilities and ramifications. Otherwise, you might end up supporting an unrelated child against your will, OR, lose custody of a child you want because of the other adults' (??) actions. Do NOT rely on "common sense" analysis of what you think the law should be, becauses some of the laws are amazingly counter-intuitive, and do NOT rely on what people tell you, as misinformation is widespread on topics of paternity and fatherhood. There are strict deadlines and legal presumptions that may be unbreakable. 1
road Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 At first my mind said legally separate to protect him from financial responsibility but in some states I don't even think that protects him. If the child was conceived during wedlock he might still be financially responsible. Whether he signs the birth certificate or not. So now I'm leaning towards divorce. I can't even picture paying for another mans baby. I'm getting chest pains just thinking about it. Many states today will not grant a divorce when the wife is pregnant. The state does not want to be on the financial hook to raise the OC. The BH must get a paternity test done the same day the child is born.
Emme Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 That's the thing... in some states it doesn't matter if you are not the father. If you are married you are financially responsible for that child. You can paternity test prove your butt off... He would still have to financially pay support for that child. As old as that law is, it has not changed. Lets all pray if the child isn't his that OM will step up.
ghgh750 Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I don't think that is true. I believe it is assumed that the child belongs to the husband but if the husband contests paternity right away, then he can be off the hook. However, if he waits too long, as in years, then he will be on the hook for child support. Can anyone confirm this?
frozensprouts Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 this may sound like a crazy suggestion, and i have no idea about the law on this issue... if the two of them ( or jut her) are trying to pass off this child as yours when they know there's a very high chance it's his, then isn't that a form of fraud? ( although I guess they could argue that since you two were intimate around that time, the argument could be made that they didn't know who the father is)
Radu Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 this may sound like a crazy suggestion, and i have no idea about the law on this issue... if the two of them ( or jut her) are trying to pass off this child as yours when they know there's a very high chance it's his, then isn't that a form of fraud? ( although I guess they could argue that since you two were intimate around that time, the argument could be made that they didn't know who the father is) Paternity fraud - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Would you believe that women's lobby is agains punishment for this ? 300k DNA tests are done each yr in the US for the purpose to establish weather the man is the father of the child he is raising ... 100k turn back negative. Technically you can argue it, but it would be very very very hard to prove it, it would take you yrs to show she did it on purpose. But the alienation of affection thing is real in some places.
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