KatZee Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 So the back story: About three months ago my relationship of almost three years came to an end. I thought we had a great relationship but the more I look back on the time we spent together the more I realize how: passive aggressive he was. How emotionally damaging he was. How selfish he was. How self-centered he was. What a liar he was. How he made a fool of me for almost three years. That he cheated on me. That he always had a phony facade on, when it appeared he was "so in love" and "so happy" it wasn't reality. Throughout our relationship I always bent over backwards trying to make him happy. Even after all of the above, I never disrespected him, I always tried to be a "better person" I always tried to make those changes to myself because he made it seem like it was because of ME that things weren't working. Even when he was breaking up with me I didn't make a scene. I just bowed out of his life, agreed with it and went into NC. I didn't bad mouth him, I didn't go to his friends with rumors or lies, I didn't disrespect anyone. After about 2 months of NC he did a complete 180 on me and told me to "lose his number" and "have a nice life" and "sell the jewelry I got you to pay your rent." <--- all of that was literally out of NO WHERE. When we were breaking up he was saying, "I still love you, you're my best friend, I don't want to lose what we have, I can see us starting fresh, etc etc." And then we went into direct NC. And then he sends me the above in text messages. At that point, and it was the first time in our relationship that I finally hit my breaking point and I FLIPPED and tore him a new as*hole. Probably a bad move, but I had been holding in so much anger from all of the things he has done to me, how he's made me feel and it all just exploded and I said MANY harsh, hurtful things. I had respected him, cared for him and loved him during our relationship even when he absolutely did not deserve it and this was just the straw that broke the camels back. Now it's been a month since that and of course, me being the idiot I am, I'm feeling bad for saying such hurtful things. I've been bouncing around the idea of apologizing. I don't want to be his friend, and I don't want him back, but I just wanted to say sorry for those things I said. On the other hand, I feel like he will take that message and it will just stroke his ego even more. He'll feel like, "HA HA even after everything she's STILL thinking about me and still would do everything and anything for me, and now I can just forget about her entirely because she's feeling guilt for what she did... ha ha ha ha ha ha." Thoughts?
Ruby65 Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Forgive YOURSELF and move on. His opinion of you doesn't matter. Don't open the door with contact of any kind. Instead, learn from this experience and try to do better if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. 3
Author KatZee Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Thanks... I feel like the mere fact that I feel he'll take that message of apology and just laugh at it, or feel superior because of it, shows I shouldn't be sending it...
Sugarkane Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Your relationship sounds so much like my old one. Did everything right yet got treated like garbage. Went straight into NC did everything right and only to be dropped like a tonne of bricks BU everyone. How I wanted to say hurtful anf harsh things too! I don't think I'd say sorry- he obviously doesn't appreciate you or cared. He sounds like he deserved it. I envy you, I questioned if doing the right thing was really worth it anyway?
hinatticus Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Forgive YOURSELF and move on. His opinion of you doesn't matter. Don't open the door with contact of any kind. Instead, learn from this experience and try to do better if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. What ruby said.... You don't owe him anything. Forgive yourself and move on. You know you're a good person. 2
Author KatZee Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Your relationship sounds so much like my old one. Did everything right yet got treated like garbage. Went straight into NC did everything right and only to be dropped like a tonne of bricks BU everyone. How I wanted to say hurtful anf harsh things too! I don't think I'd say sorry- he obviously doesn't appreciate you or cared. He sounds like he deserved it. I envy you, I questioned if doing the right thing was really worth it anyway? Yeah. I had done the "right" thing for far too long, and that was basically laying down like a doormat. For almost three years I never said a word to him, for fear of losing him, for "starting drama" when I knew he hated conflict (passive aggressive). I bit my tongue about a lot of things and when we broke up I spent weeks with so much hatred and anger and I knew the only way I was going to let go of that was to let him know how I truly felt about him. I know a lot of people say take the higher road, but I think people can only take so much before they snap.
Author KatZee Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 What ruby said.... You don't owe him anything. Forgive yourself and move on. You know you're a good person. I guess I still have doubts and wonder if I could have been a BETTER person. Yeah, yeah. I know, it wasn't me it was him. I did all I could do and was the best I could be. But sometimes I wonder if I had done this, rather than that, would we still be together?
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