Eclypse Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Here's an interesting question. What made you date your current partner / why are you still with them? I asked my girlfriend yesterday what about me was attractive to her. She said it's because I was really handsome and easy on the eye. I was flattered and asked "and what else? What about my personality?" She just shrugged and said "meh, you're hot". I asked her if that was the main reason she was still with me and she said yeah pretty much. I can't really tell if she was being 100% serious or not but it seemed pretty clear from our conversation that she's not with me for my personality. I felt disappointed. It's nice to know that at least she thinks I'm good looking. Many other girls have said that too. I can thank my genes for that, but is my personality lacking? It's caused me to do some soul searching. Perhaps I am not a very pleasant person to be around. I can be pessimistic and I often imagine the worst case outcome. But I try to be as nice as possible to everyone and I think that if you are looking for someone to be loyal through thick and thin, then that's me. But maybe others don't see me in that way? I'm not sure how to broach the subject with others. I do my best to appear aloof and keep myself in check, although that doesn't always work. I am a very emotional person and I think that this comes across to people who I interact with. I'm the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve (European genes ). I'm not very good at maintaining the stiff upper lip as expected among British people, or in a British colony as I am (Australia). This could be turning people off? I'm not sure, how would most people here react to someone with these personality traits? It's nice to know that being born blessed with a height of around 6 feet, sharp, symmetric features, a full head of rich hair, and the ability to gain muscle without putting in too much effort has enabled to me land girls, but it's crushing to know that this is all that's keeping them. I just feel I have so much more to offer to a relationship, and I don't even consider myself that good looking... I fully understand now how girls feel when they know the only reason men like them is because they have a nice ass or t*ts. And yes, I realise I've rambled.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 You might have some trouble getting replies on that topic in this section on the forum...but I'll give you some advice as well as tell you my own experience. (I'm assuming you are quite young, early 20's) When women are young, it doesn't take them much for them to find themselves wrapped up into a guy...it's pretty simple A to B...If you're hot then that's pretty much enough reason for them to like regardless of whether you are the biggest douche in the world (for most women). Later on as they grow up is when not just women, but men start looking at what qualities are important to a relationship. So for example people who haven't had long-term relationships may not be adept to this as well as ones who have had...because they don't have the experience, however they still fabricate this list of what they think they want and need which is usually pretty inaccurate because they don't know themselves like they think they do...they think of what they want, not what is compatible for me and when they think they do they find someone like that then try to figure out why it didn't work when compatibility was a big issue. Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about your situation as I'm sure she likes you for more but she doesn't know how to vocalize and put that into words for you. A lot of women surprisingly are not as expressive as you think, just because they are emotional/sensitive according to society and tends to be the case...but women do not usually think about why, they don't really ask those kinds of questions, they just feel and do, it's a simple thing, kind of like riding a bike...you don't think about it you just automatically peddle and ride but you're not like breaking down the process of it all. When it's time to find your own real relationship then you'll know what's more important to you with experience. If you want to be the "total package" then you've got to do what you're doing and invest more time and energy into the qualities and skills that can't be washed away in a tragic accident or weight gain even If it affects your attraction. And of course it would just make you all the more desirable so that doesn't hurt. But more importantly It makes you a more self-aware, improved person. ............... As far as "love" that's something quite different, it works in a different dynamic than the general of "why you like someone" or are with someone. That's a whole other area and experience that for those who haven't really been through it won't be able to relate and those who have will understand how different it is than how they though it was. That's the real mind, body and soul of a relationship, that's an essence that can't be created and forced because you think you find the "perfect person" on paper...it doesn't matter in terms of "love" and when you are in love with a person beauty and attraction changes and it becomes a more internal cosmic force rather than just a mere desire/projected factor like you see a lot of relationships. It's not just because you're afraid of being alone, or this person likes being around you and thinks your fun with a nice personality and all that jazz...It's what makes the difference between seeing and feeling. You probably don't have much experience with that so I'll spare you the lecture this time...but you have to remember those are two drastic and different worlds...what you so more often than not see out there unfortunately is the generic infatuation phase...kind of human nature doing It's thing and playing tricks on your mind. However If you're speaking about in love, then you won't have to worry about someone just being into you for your looks or some superficial thing, and it won't be a one-sided, one dimensional process..It won't be a building up or a breaking down, it will be a natural thing that connects you to a person not because you're trying to like a girl or she's trying to be all into you because of some fantasy she has with being with a hot guy or just finding a man it'll be something that you both reciprocate and feel that's what allows love to grow....trust, a bonding, a support, something you don't have to question or feel insecure about because you know its' different and beyond that, It's not like seeing a hot girl walking by and thinking you'd drop her for just a moment....you might get that knee jerk reaction to sleep with her as a man but you won't be consumed that by that because you're already consumed by something greater and the bond you have and kind of bubble you are both in will be greater than the generic things you would find stimulating with others...even logically it just wouldn't be worth it because that person brings one thing to the table where your relationship brings just an entire immeasurable weight...you don't see the person in the same light as you used to even from the beginning. So what you're trying to do is work on yourself so you're the best you can be for that person and relationship, as personal issues can drag a good thing down if not destroy/prevent it. You want to make sure you are fair and bringing as much to the table for that woman, so consider now a learning experience. Hopefully this makes some sense, I know it's kind of "out there" and more than you were asking for.
Author Eclypse Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks Ninja, that's a really detailed response. Yeah we're 21 and 23 and first relationship for both of us. To be honest I hadn't thought about a lot of these things. But it does make a lot of sense what you say. I guess a large part of the reason I'm with her is because she's slim and hot and I like sexing her. When you put it the way you do, real love seems like a mythical goal that is very difficult to achieve. Regardless, this has made me think about me and my own relationship. Seems like there's a while to go yet. I don't think I am able to respond to each point individually, although I've definitely thought about them and it's all excellent food for thought.
TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 What attracts me to my girlfriend? I guess you can say on a physical level I just love everything about her especially that curvy ass of hers but also that smile of hers and on an emotional level she just gets me, probably more than any other girl ever has or has even attempted to try
Silly_Girl Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 My boyfriend is masses of fun to be with, he makes me laugh all the time, he challenges me intellectually and vice versa, he is cute and muscly and kisses me so passionately. He is earnest, sincere and loyal and supportive of me and also his closest friends and family. He works hard, keeps fit and doesn't treat anyone badly. I totally understand your concern, OP. I think you should talk to your girlfriend again, I bet there's a lot more to her answer - start by telling her what it is about her you like so much...?
TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 My boyfriend is masses of fun to be with, he makes me laugh all the time, he challenges me intellectually and vice versa, he is cute and muscly and kisses me so passionately. He is earnest, sincere and loyal and supportive of me and also his closest friends and family. He works hard, keeps fit and doesn't treat anyone badly. I totally understand your concern, OP. I think you should talk to your girlfriend again, I bet there's a lot more to her answer - start by telling her what it is about her you like so much...? I agree that you should talk to your girlfriend again, it wouldn't hurt
TG1 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 it wouldn't? it might cause her to breakup. would that hurt? Yes it would hurt but if you really love her, shouldn't you guys talk this out
Meatballsmom Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I thought I was happy until I met him. From the day we met he has been able to make me laugh, and sometimes at the oddest times and things. He has a positive outlook on life, and looks upon life like it is an adventure and is constantly on the lookout for more adventures. Sometimes big adventures sometimes small, such as with food, it could be a new restaurant, new recipe, a new place to picnic. He celebrates life, he celebrates the holidays, Christmas, halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years, valentines day and even the 4th of July He is always there for me. He listens, he is part of my life. He knows when I am down, and knows when it is time to prod and how to get me to talk about it, and at the same time knows when to just let me be me. Sometimes he helps me fix things and sometimes he just says if there is any way I can help let me know. He does things with me, shop, plant flowers, jigsaw puzzles, cuddles with the right movies and listens. He shares his life with me. He is a man, my man, and nobody else need ever apply, I am all his. He doesn't own me, only my heart
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