AlexanderJames Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Hey everyone. Just feeling agitated so I'm venting on here. Been going good since the other night where I got snappy and had a go at my ex which you all read about. I felt pretty bad after I did it so I sent her a message making up for it. Not apologizing cause I didn't feel I had to. But just saying I know she's going through a rough time and that she needs to understand that I'm not going NC to hurt her but so I can move on. That was Thursday I think? I haven't been counting the days but I haven't contacted her since. Had a massive weekend lined up which is good. Except I had a guy come up to me at a house party and say 'are you the Alex that dated J____? Your one lucky guy for scoring a girl like that man she was f***ing hot!'. I almost knocked the guy on his a$$.. It sucks when you go out to have what you expect to be an awesome carefree night and your troubles still find a way of catching up with you. Anyway the main thing that's getting me annoyed is that she won't stop messaging me. And it's all pointless stuff. For example today she text me saying "people are ringing me to ask about my car and I don't know what to tell them". What does she expect me to do about this?? And at 1am the night before last she messaged me asking if I gave her back the instruction book to her car alarm.. I still had it so I drove around and put it in her letterbox the next morning without saying anything. She was home at the time and my car at idle is as loud as a helicopter so she knew I rocked up. I left before she came out but she called me as I drove off and I didn't answer so she txt me saying thanks a lot xx. I don't want to txt her saying stop messaging me and leave me alone. She already knows I'm not going to speak to her I've said it more than once and she still keep txting me. So breaking nc to tell her to leave me alone seems counter productive. But at the same time ignoring her and letting her message me all the time isn't giving me the space to myself that I need. So I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Haven't heard from her since midday. Hopefully I don't get a 'thanks for the help' message or anything later tonight. Don't need that stress.
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Another thing I've noticed, ever since I denied her sex she hasnt mentioned missing my dog or coming over to see him. Hasnt spoken about him at all..
hinatticus Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 It seems whenever you hit a bump I hit a bump at the same time. I know how you feel when you're caught between that rock and hard place. Confused!!!! If I was you I wouldn't know what to do either. I'd probably call her and firmly say leave me alone. Or I'd probably ignore her. Block her texts somehow? Confusion man. I've seen my ex twice in two weeks. Longest I've gone without seeing her since we started dating. For some reason today all I wanted to do was tell her how beautiful she is. It was torture man. I seriously wanted to just jump her bones. She even showered here. Just thinking about her being naked in my house drove me crazy. I just kept my mouth shut tho. I'll be going back to her place(just dropped her and my son off) in two hours to pick up my son. I wish I didn't feel this way until after our counseling session. I want to tell her nc, but don't want her to back out of going to the counselor. Confusion!!! Sorry to thread jack.
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 It's okay mate haha. Yep, but I don't want to contact her cause it feels like thats just what she wants me to do. If I call her and firmly tell her to leave me alone and she doesn't all I've done is broken NC. I owe it to myself to be strong now. So I'm just going to keep on ignoring them. Hopefully she leaves me alone for a while now that I've ignored her this weekend. And if she get's to a point where she buckles and comes back to me I kind of hope that it's not before I've moved on enough to say no. I know the feeling mate dont you worry. Like I said in a previous thread I went to the gym that afternoon and looked in the mirror and remembered she was wearing nothing but the gym shirt I had on the night before and I had a breakdown... Hard being so attracted to something you cant have, especially when you used to call it yours. Good luck with keeping your hands to yourself. Stay strong for me mate
hinatticus Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I agree that you should stick to ignoring. I have strong morals so it would be tough for me to ignore. Where were my morals when I got so angry?!? F*ck I'm dumb sometimes too. I'm very honest tho. Hehe. Would you take her back with all that you've been through? It's easy in my situation cuz we have a child and family is my dream. But you sound like you can get someone that won't play games with you. I guess the heart wants what it wants. I'll try and stay strong whatever that means in my situation. I have no real game plan now. Her asking about going to my next counseling session added confusion. I was seriously trying to move on with hopes of getting back. But now I think I want to get her to go to couples counseling if my counselor won't allow my ex to sit in. I have no idea how to act towards her right now. On one hand I just want to be confident, funny, happy and flirty. On the other hand I want to just be quiet, calm and tell her how beautiful she is. Maybe I'll combine the two and go with the flow. Crazy how chicks can have this effect on grown men.
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I'm much the same. Like when I got the message saying she doesnt know what to tell people about the car I just got this image in my head of her answering her phone and getting all humilated and embarassed because she doesnt know what to tell them about her car. That makes me sad, but I don't want to come running every time she calls. Not anymore. She's an adult, she's been through much harder challenges than selling a car. I just feel quilty cause I found the car, test drove it and told her it was good to buy so she really does know nothing about what it's had modified etc. Owell. She had her chance, twice. Well if she came to me today saying she wanted to work on things I think I would crumble because I'm still somewhat bound to her. But I'm trying to move on, things with a new girl on the scene are going well so I want to explore it and see where it leads. Yeah mate just go with the flow see where it leads, dont rush anything looks like youre making progress doing what your doing, dont sabotage it by getting ahead of yourself.
hinatticus Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 That's good that you have another girl to explore. Hope she treats you right. You'll have one tough decision to make if things go good with the new girl and your ex comes crawling back. After talking with you last, for some reason my spirits were lifted and I was totally happy around my ex. Was not expecting that! I thought I was gonna be sad. I ended up dying her hair. I used to do that when we were together. Sorry I couldn't keep my hands to myself;( I resisted the urge to kiss her neck tho. There's something sexual about dying a girl's hair. The straddling, massaging, man tough stuff. Anyway I know you're in a better place now. Keep it up! Nothing's worse than being in that dark pit...
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Glad to hear you kept your cool and it went okay. Let's not turn this thread into 50 shades of grey lol Never dyed a girls hair so can't say I know what it's like haha.
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Had a dream bout her last night. We weren't back together in it, all I really recall is telling her that we wont work and have to move on. I figure it's just me mentally preparing myself for if she comes back anytime soon. I woke up feeling good though normally dreaming about her would leave me feeling incredibly depressed when I wake. Havent recieved a txt in the last 24 hours which is a good sign. I was a bit hard on myself and started thinking about memories with my ex on Jono's thread just before. But I dont feel bad or crushed. I'm sitting here thinking about my ex, memories, and how our anniversary would be coming up soon if I wasnt so cold and heartless but I'm not feeling guilty or hurt or anything. 2 weeks ago hearing our favourite dj's music would give me the sinking sickly feeling. And thinking of the memories I am would bring me to tears.. The only other negative thing I can really mention is I have noticed some times (when I'm not in the midst of messaging friends or out having fun) I find myself wanting her to message me. Not so I can reply I dunno. And I dont think it's in hope she messages me saying she wants me back... Is it negative? Maybe I just enjoy the feeling I get when I know she's thinking about me enough to message me. Because at the same time when I hear my phone go off and I'm not expecting a txt I think to myself "Ugh I hope this isnt her" I really hope my progress keeps up and I dont sink back down like I have a couple of times before. Every day that she doesnt try and txt me is one day closer to being the awesome, carefree guy I was before her, but even better.
Recommended Posts