zanesfan Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I meet this guy online whose profile said he was 32, no kids, single, etc. Our first conversation he disclosed that he had a 10 year old son. Our first date which was today he disclosed that "when" he was 37.. he dated a 21 year old. I said 37? How old are you now? He said 39. He looks very good for his age might I add. On his profile he said the longest relationship he was in was 3 years long. In actuality he was married and it lasted 10 years. Since his marriage he has dated a 21 and 22 year old.. and he is 39. Im 29 and I think if he is serious about finding someone he would seek a woman closer to his age. However we had a great date, he drove to my city to see me, didnt talk about sex or anything. He was a perfect gentleman. I have a son and I am divorced which i disclosed. I am having second doubts on whether I should ever see him again (his child and ex wife isnt an issue.. more so he lied). He did explained his reasoning behind this: to attract a better range of women. He doesnt want to date someone his age because they normally "look" old. Is this a done deal? I think it is by far.
kaylan Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Those are big lies right there. I wouldnt trust someone like that.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I meet this guy online whose profile said he was 32, no kids, single, etc. Our first conversation he disclosed that he had a 10 year old son. Our first date which was today he disclosed that "when" he was 37.. he dated a 21 year old. I said 37? How old are you now? He said 39. He looks very good for his age might I add. On his profile he said the longest relationship he was in was 3 years long. In actuality he was married and it lasted 10 years. Since his marriage he has dated a 21 and 22 year old.. and he is 39. Im 29 and I think if he is serious about finding someone he would seek a woman closer to his age. However we had a great date, he drove to my city to see me, didnt talk about sex or anything. He was a perfect gentleman. I have a son and I am divorced which i disclosed. I am having second doubts on whether I should ever see him again (his child and ex wife isnt an issue.. more so he lied). He did explained his reasoning behind this: to attract a better range of women. He doesnt want to date someone his age because they normally "look" old. Is this a done deal? I think it is by far. He did what he had to do to go out with you. And he was right, because you: 1. Wouldn't have gone out with him if all the details were there ahead of time. 2. You would have been wrong to screen him based on those details because....you ended up having a good time and liking him. Most cases I'd say run. This time though, I'm gonna' say continue going out, but leave if anything else proves way out of range from what you are told. Just my opinion.
kaylan Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Also, what do you think he will do with you once you "look old". Its not like he is young himself. So he lies, dates girls most people his age would see as "kids", and he looks down on women his own age. I wonder why his marriage didnt work out. I say toss him. You dont start off something with someone based on lies. Thats a big red flag. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 He lied about a 10 yr marriage its almost the same as a divorced man saying he's single when in actuality he's merely separated. And the fact his dating history has him dating college seniors tells me he has a lot more secrets hidden. Ie. Sugar daddy syndrome.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 He lied about a 10 yr marriage its almost the same as a divorced man saying he's single when in actuality he's merely separated. And the fact his dating history has him dating college seniors tells me he has a lot more secrets hidden. Ie. Sugar daddy syndrome. Sounds as if you already had your decision made and just wanted reinforcement for it. Yes? 1
Author zanesfan Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Its really crazy. I overlooked the first lie about having a child because he did disclose that and I understood in a sense why he lied. But 39... Im looking for long term and his age isnt that much of an issue but it is. He did tell me everything today thank goodness. But im just like what else has he lied about? What will he lie about in the future? Did he just agree to what I like just to agree? Major major major turn off! Especially dating girls 20 years his junior. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Sounds as if you already had your decision made and just wanted reinforcement for it. Yes? I live in New York and have first hand experience of coming across older men hitting on girls my age. It doesn't take a genius to figure out if a man is willing to date a girl who can be his daughter, he has issues. Seriously online dating is a cesspool of liars. If one is capable of meeting people in real life do so without relying on a mouse. I'm sure its convenient to hit delete but you're bound to attract mostly the unattractive and unwanted if you stick to online dating. I've done it and I regret it.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I meet this guy online whose profile said he was 32, no kids, single, etc. Our first conversation he disclosed that he had a 10 year old son. Our first date which was today he disclosed that "when" he was 37.. he dated a 21 year old. I said 37? How old are you now? He said 39. He looks very good for his age might I add. I dont know why he felt he needed to disclose that he dated 21 year olds. I have nothing in common with a 21 year old, I definitely couldnt date them, or tell older women about it. I wonder what he was trying to prove by saying that. I dont think theres anything wrong with him dating a 29 year old, but I think he just wants a younger woman period. If all this creeps you out too much, I'd say dont date him. If it doesnt bother you too much, I say give him another chance, but be on the lookout for more possible lies. Unless you dont want a guy with a 10 year old.
Author zanesfan Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Also, what do you think he will do with you once you "look old". Its not like he is young himself. I am African American and he is Caucasian. We tend to not age as bad so maybe he was looking at it from that pov. However, now Im even second guessing what his intentions are with me. @ Eddie, 29 is not bad at all. And yes, he keeps lying bc he has said in the past when he lied... the lies were overlooked and relationships were formed. Well not this time! I think I asked him what was the youngest he dated and I almost fell out of my chair when he uttered 21.
OhMiki Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 (edited) So, let's get this straight: he not only lied about one thing, but three things. The fact that he does have kids. The fact he is not anywhere near 32 (bit of a 7 year difference there...) The fact that he was married for 10 years, which is a bit different than saying your longest relationship was 3 years (again, another 7 year difference there. I'm starting to think this guy's lucky number must be 7. Are you sure he doesn't have six kids instead of one? ) Now, we all know what would happen if a man came on here to say that a woman he met online lied about her pictures, age, and weight -- because it's happened before. And we all should know what's happened when that happens: the man most likely gets put off and ends up going to find another woman who hopefully won't lie about her age/weight/looks. On a similar note, would men here honestly consider going out with a woman again if she outright lied about all of the things the man you met did, even if the woman seemed like a good person on the date? Would they not be very put off as well? I'd also be weary of how he said he doesn't want to date women his age because they "look old". That kind of put me off even as I was reading it. Like another poster said, what happens when you yourself begin to catch up with him and 'show your age' as you get older? I mean, from what you've told us, he didn't even give any other reasons as to why he obviously prefers dating younger women, such as no "baggage", a more youthful personality, etc. He only gave you a superficial one: they look old. Anyway, all of us here can only give our opinion, but I think you should follow your instincts if you feel you should move on. There are plenty of men in online dating who won't feel the need to blatantly lie about themselves to get a date with a woman. Edited July 22, 2012 by OhMiki 1
writergal Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Wow, this guy you went on one date with sounds like a real winner. Throw this fish back into the sea. There are better catches out there. Don't go out with a man who lies. That's just asking for trouble. The guy you went out with could be lying to you about a lot more, that could affect you directly if you become involved with him. And yes. Once a liar, always a liar. Lying is a terminal illness for some people, for which there is no cure as with pathological liars.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 The whole purpose of his plan was to get you to go out on the date with him so that you'd think this exact way. That's why he dropped the bomb, because now he's got his foot in the door and he got himself his chance to try and swoon you over with some generic niceties that any trained man can put together and then trick you into thinking that the reasons he lied were for reasonable or tolerable reasons. If you date him then you just enable this kind of behavior and let him know this kind of lying is ok with you which will therefore encourage future lying as the consequence he can assume would be low...meaning you wouldn't dump him for it, he's testing the waters to see how gullible/naive you are about all this, a hopeful/desperate/insecure woman would just see the good out of this because the person she thinks she knows and sees out of that first date couldn't possibly be that bad right? one of the oldest tricks in the book learned by man after being cut off for having been honest from the get-go. You should tell him that you will not be dating anyone even though he was completely honest about those particular subjects (I say that because he's lying with other things as well) but that you think it's unfortunate and saddening that he feels he needs to lie about these things in his life to get a date and he needs a lot of self-work because he obviously isn't comfortable with who he is and feels that he needs to lie/cheat in order to get what he wants. Basically the more you learn about this guy, the more lies will be revealed and in the end you'll say why did you trust him...but so goes the lessons hard learned by women. 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Ugh. How can you even consider this? Get some self respect.
oaks Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 On the plus side, at least he told you the first time you met. But, if you don't like it then walk away.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 On the plus side, at least he told you the first time you met. But, if you don't like it then walk away. Lying to this extent in an OLD profile is inexusable. 1
madjac74 Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Haha! I think there are things we could all put in our online dating profile that would scare people away if we were being truly honest. Isnt the point to dating to at least get a chance? Get our foot in the door as someone said? Before dumping all our baggage on someone that we may discover we trust enough and like enough to handle the fact that we are in fact not perfect. Certainly meeting someone in the bar or at a church function they arent going to wear their dirty laundry on the front of their shirt.
amantis Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Doesnt matter , he said everything on the first date , and she had a good time with him Why not give him a chance and if he lie again, she knows that she have to move on . Im not saying that he has the right to lie , and yes , was wrong , but guys divorced , 39 years old with kids doesnt get that many chances at online dating , or dating in general He did what he had to do , now she have to know if she wants to give a chance or not .
maybealone Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Im not saying that he has the right to lie , and yes , was wrong , but guys divorced , 39 years old with kids doesnt get that many chances at online dating , or dating in general I think the issue here is that he didn't lie to get ANY date, he lied to get dates ONLY with younger women because he thinks women his own age "look old." He sounds really immature and untrustworthy for a 39-year-old father. 1
mesmerized Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 You have a son, you should be more responsible about who you date...Drop this guy like a hot potato.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 You have a son, you should be more responsible about who you date...Drop this guy like a hot potato. I can't believe she is even considering it enough to make a thread about it. She should have walked out of the date.
mesmerized Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I can't believe she is even considering it enough to make a thread about it. She should have walked out of the date. Unfortunately that's how desperate a lot of women are. The guy can have tons of flaws but as long as they want a relationship they give him a chance.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Unfortunately that's how desperate a lot of women are. The guy can have tons of flaws but as long as they want a relationship they give him a chance. I know, this really disturbs me. I feel like most women would overlook a murder if a guy wanted to date them
ThaWholigan Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Unfortunately that's how desperate a lot of women are. The guy can have tons of flaws but as long as they want a relationship they give him a chance. I know, this really disturbs me. I feel like most women would overlook a murder if a guy wanted to date them Oh but of course you guys are wrong, it only happens if he's a 6 foot 5 Alpha male, billionaire model with an 11 inch penis Honestly, I thought it was a troll thread at first, there's no way a man can lie like that and get away with it. He must really make the giney tingle
ascendotum Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I know, this really disturbs me. I feel like most women would overlook a murder if a guy wanted to date them Its this thing called 'chemistry' that women want in a new guy and this dude must have it. Unfortunately for some of the guys on LS not enough women overlook shortness though. (or is it a case of overlooking, over their head and on yonder to the tall guy standing in the distance)
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