ariaaa Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Please bear with my rambling, I tried to summarize. So I began a fwb relationship with a guy at my college fall of last year. He was completely into me and things were going well as he became more attached to me telling me personal things and talking about us having a future. He for the most part is a gentlemen but there has been occasions where he has broken off our fwb due to school. Things changed this spring when another girl came into the picture. I’ve never been too fond of this girl. For the most part she tends to make herself the victim in all situations regarding herself. It’s summer now so none of us see each other, we were planning to continue our fwb relationship in the fall and possibly turn it into something more. She’s aware of this and aware that he may have feelings for her. Ever since she found out she’s done shady things to better capture his attention. Not too mention she attempts to post funny/smart things on Facebook, she makes them seem like her own ideas, but I’ve noticed that she’s copy/pasted them from either Tumblr or the comments off an article. She’s made it her business to tell me she doesn’t like him but then I find out she’s been texting him attempting to find out where he’s going to be living and if it will be near her. My question is, if a girl doesn’t like a guy why does she do things to get his attention? Also, why do guys tend to gravitate to girls who aren’t right for them? I know I should be done with him if he’s willing to throw away the connection we have in order to chase someone that he feels he “fits” better with. For anyone who has taken the time to read this thank you so much!
MrNate 2.0 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 To the 'nice guys' here, please take heed. Women also deal with this as well.
TripLine Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 You are a woman. If you don't know how women think, neither do we. A FWB is not a relationship, therefore the guy is not throwing anything away. The the other girl probably shows interest in him besides sexually, so he will go to the girl who wants more from him. Who are you to say you are right for him, but not her for him?
somedude81 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 To the 'nice guys' here, please take heed. Women also deal with this as well. Deal with what? It was her choice to be in a non-committed thing.
Author ariaaa Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 You are a woman. If you don't know how women think, neither do we. A FWB is not a relationship, therefore the guy is not throwing anything away. The the other girl probably shows interest in him besides sexually, so he will go to the girl who wants more from him. Who are you to say you are right for him, but not her for him? I've made it well known to him that I want a relationship. In our case it's fwb without the sex part. I'm not saying I'm right for him I'm simply saying majority of the things he likes about the other girl are things that aren't "her"
Trimmer Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 In our case it's fwb without the sex part. What? Do you know what FWB means? I think you have significantly confused your own discussion here, because you've described your relationship as "FWB" and then gone on to qualify it in ways that have nothing to do with what everybody understands a FWB relationship to be... I'm not surprised that you are confused - I sure am...
Author ariaaa Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 What? Do you know what FWB means? I think you have significantly confused your own discussion here, because you've described your relationship as "FWB" and then gone on to qualify it in ways that have nothing to do with what everybody understands a FWB relationship to be... I'm not surprised that you are confused - I sure am... I'm aware of what it means, in my case it's easier to describe it in that way.
ForgetMeNots Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 The other girl does like him,she just doesn't want you to know, so she can proactively hunt him down without having to fight you in competition. When he suddenly says he has more feelings for her, she has been doing more hunting than what you have been knowing about. My guess is, she has been persueing him for more of a relationship longer than when you have found out,or at least has stepped up her game of attraction (and probably knows what she wants now) alittle more.
Author ariaaa Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 The other girl does like him,she just doesn't want you to know, so she can proactively hunt him down without having to fight you in competition. When he suddenly says he has more feelings for her, she has been doing more hunting than what you have been knowing about. My guess is, she has been persueing him for more of a relationship longer than when you have found out,or at least has stepped up her game of attraction (and probably knows what she wants now) alittle more. Thank you for this. That's why I've figured as I've heard she has done her fair share of hanging around him etc. I hope things eventually work out, it just bothers me because she's supposed to be a good friend of mine, but things have been the way they are.
TripLine Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I've made it well known to him that I want a relationship. In our case it's fwb without the sex part. I'm not saying I'm right for him I'm simply saying majority of the things he likes about the other girl are things that aren't "her" What is a fwb without sex? So you know more about the other girl than the guy does? I must be getting old, because I can't understand teens anymore.
Author ariaaa Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 So friends with benefits with the actual benefits. So you're friends and now he might start dating someone and you have a problem with this because of your "connection" Which is what exactly? You attempting to keep him celibate? No, I'm not keeping him celibate. I don't have a problem with him dating another person. I have a problem when the person is supposed to be my friend.
Author ariaaa Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 What is a fwb without sex? So you know more about the other girl than the guy does? I must be getting old, because I can't understand teens anymore. I don't know what to call it so I simply call it that. I've seen other people do it do I don't see the problem. I don't know more about her other than I read the same sites as her so when she post something on Facebook I know she's plagiarizing. I'm also around her more.
manup Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I don't know what to call it so I simply call it that. I've seen other people do it do I don't see the problem. I don't know more about her other than I read the same sites as her so when she post something on Facebook I know she's plagiarizing. I'm also around her more. Lol, the problem is there's another girl in the picture, you want more from this guy and probably won't get it. You're young and enjoy drama so what's the point of giving you any advice?
Trimmer Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I'm going to take a guess that you're not a communications major??? This girl you've never been fond of, but she's supposed to be a good friend of yours? You are FWB, but without the "B"? And when you're FWB without the "B", what does it mean to "break it off"? Maybe I'm thick, but I'm not understanding the nature of your relationship with this guy... I don't know what to call it so I simply call it that. I've seen other people do it do I don't see the problem. Not a problem at all..... that is, until you want to try to communicate the nature of your situation clearly enough to someone else that they can give you some kind of useful advice. Then it's a problem.
Author ariaaa Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Lol, the problem is there's another girl in the picture, you want more from this guy and probably won't get it. You're young and enjoy drama so what's the point of giving you any advice? No I don't enjoy drama, if I did I'd be out there confronting the girl but I'm not, I'm seeking advice. I may not get it but that doesn't mean I can't ask for help when it comes to dealing with a situation.
Author ariaaa Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 (edited) I'm going to take a guess that you're not a communications major??? This girl you've never been fond of, but she's supposed to be a good friend of yours? You are FWB, but without the "B"? And when you're FWB without the "B", what does it mean to "break it off"? Maybe I'm thick, but I'm not understanding the nature of your relationship with this guy... Not a problem at all..... that is, until you want to try to communicate the nature of your situation clearly enough to someone else that they can give you some kind of useful advice. Then it's a problem. Our relationship is "sexual" but not fully, that was the next step. Edited July 22, 2012 by ariaaa
Author ariaaa Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 I'm going to take a guess that you're not a communications major??? This girl you've never been fond of, but she's supposed to be a good friend of yours? You are FWB, but without the "B"? And when you're FWB without the "B", what does it mean to "break it off"? Maybe I'm thick, but I'm not understanding the nature of your relationship with this guy... Not a problem at all..... that is, until you want to try to communicate the nature of your situation clearly enough to someone else that they can give you some kind of useful advice. Then it's a problem. We're friends, but this situation has strained things. That's why I say she's supposed to be a good friend but I'm not too fond of her.
ascendotum Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 You are a woman. If you don't know how women think, neither do we. A FWB is not a relationship, therefore the guy is not throwing anything away. The the other girl probably shows interest in him besides sexually, so he will go to the girl who wants more from him. Who are you to say you are right for him, but not her for him? ^^Pretty much what I wanted to say. I should be done with him if he’s willing to throw away the connection we have in order to chase someone that he feels he “fits” better with. That makes perfect sense to me.....what he wants! You are a friend who he also happens to have sex with him on ocassion when either of you needs to have that itch scatched. You are not in a relationship. He is entitled to see & talk to & **** whatever girl he wants. if a girl doesn’t like a guy why does she do things to get his attention? Maybe she's an attention whore, or likes stooging/manipulating guys or maybe she's lying to you and really does like him, or quite possibly just doesn't like you and is trying to screw with your plans.
Author ariaaa Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 ^^Pretty much what I wanted to say. I should be done with him if he’s willing to throw away the connection we have in order to chase someone that he feels he “fits” better with. That makes perfect sense to me.....what he wants! You are a friend who he also happens to have sex with him on ocassion when either of you needs to have that itch scatched. You are not in a relationship. He is entitled to see & talk to & **** whatever girl he wants. if a girl doesn’t like a guy why does she do things to get his attention? Maybe she's an attention whore, or likes stooging/manipulating guys or maybe she's lying to you and really does like him, or quite possibly just doesn't like you and is trying to screw with your plans. Thank you for the response!
SmileFace Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 If she is your friend, let her know you like him. You can't be mad at someone for going after someone who is single. Your friend or not. Plus he is not your boyfriend so he is fair game. Either get in relationship with him now or suck it up.
Author ariaaa Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 If she is your friend, let her know you like him. You can't be mad at someone for going after someone who is single. Your friend or not. Plus he is not your boyfriend so he is fair game. Either get in relationship with him now or suck it up. She knows, we've talked about it on multiple occasions and she's assured me she doesn't like him. Her actions just speak differently. I'm hoping to see how things are once I fly back to school.
SmileFace Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 She knows, we've talked about it on multiple occasions and she's assured me she doesn't like him. Her actions just speak differently. I'm hoping to see how things are once I fly back to school. You really shouldn't let her flirtation bother you - it is pointless.
Author ariaaa Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 You really shouldn't let her flirtation bother you - it is pointless. I'll try, but I'm a worry bug so it's kind of hard. I take it all personal because this is the first guy I've actually liked. Thank you for the advice.
ascendotum Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Thank you for the response! thats okay. I read a couple of other responses here, and seems I misread the picture with fwb. To me, you are just friends. You want a relationship and I guess dont want to actually do fwb. If you have told him that you want a relationship, but the outcome was he'll think about it for later in the year, then forget it. If he really wanted you as a gf he would be clamouring to get into your pants now and not at some point later in the year. Focus on a new guy.
Author ariaaa Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 thats okay. I read a couple of other responses here, and seems I misread the picture with fwb. To me, you are just friends. You want a relationship and I guess dont want to actually do fwb. If you have told him that you want a relationship, but the outcome was he'll think about it for later in the year, then forget it. If he really wanted you as a gf he would be clamouring to get into your pants now and not at some point later in the year. Focus on a new guy. Yes that's what some friends have said. I'm just a typical girl hoping for a different outcome. Thank you for the advice though.
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