Scared or Gone for Good?

[Annette1975]

About a year after I left my husband, I started seeing a man from work. I work in the office, Im the admin for his department, and he works out of town in remote work camps for about 99% of the time.

 

My guy & I agreed to take things very slow, I had just got out of a 12 year relationship but he is the second person that I have "seen" since separating from my ex, I had a very whirl wind rebound immediately following my ex, it lasted for a few months and then I decided to be on my own for a while. So 8 months later I found myself attracted to my co worker here. I noticed he was interested too but both us are known for being very reserved. I ended up starting to talk to him little bits here and there until we began to have more comfortable conversations. I eventually asked him if he wanted to do something sometime. He accepted and the first time we had something planned he had to cancel, he had to take his dad to the hospital. It was legit. Then we had talked about planning to get together for another time and it just didnt seem to work. He apoplogized and explained that when he is home (he is only home on the weekends) he is extremely busy in that he has his son fulltime, he is helping to care for a sick parent and he is trying to build a house - the house is still in the very early stages so he has alot of appointments in regards - he also said that he would be worried about starting something because he has such limited time and it was probably going to be like this for the next 6 months or so because of his house. So I left him alone and he ended up getting ahold of me to go for lunch a couple weeks later - it worked out and we went for lunch. From there have just been taking things casually, I never got upset or sad if we werent able to see each other - we have been intimate but that wasnt immediately. We text each other almost every night (most of the time cell service isnt available in camp so we have to rely of wifi). There are no women in camp and so that isnt an issue. Sometimes we have gone up to 3 wks without seeing each other if he had to work thru weekends.

 

I have found that I open up a bit to him, I never talk about having a relationship with him or talk about a future with him, I enjoy the time I get with him. He is very closed off about most things, we have good conversations but for example he told me has 2 sisters and a brother but never mentioned their names/ ages or anything specific. He came out and told me that he is scared of getting the boot and having to start over again, and that is why he is probably still single and he made it sound like that was something he was sad about. I told him not to worry, that he is a good guy and that wouldnt happen to him - I never said I would never do that to him but just tried to be an ear for him. We dropped it and since then he has made jokes about having kids/ getting me pregnant and also 1 time about marrying me. I just laughed and made a goofy face at him, being playful. We both have kids from previous relationships ( both have a 14 yr old and I have a 10 yr old) and he is a really good father to his son. I told him that I like that he doesnt bail on his son to spend time with me. i think that speaks to his character. He is really close to his family, I have never met any of them and we agreed that it was too soon to meet each others kids.

 

This past weekend, he was seen by a friend, out with another girl. Normally I have no problem with trust - honestly, for whatever reason I feel very secure with my guy and have no doubt that he is honest. But I have had a 2 week span of dealing with issues from my ex and I was emotionally drained and allowed myself to jumped to conclusions. I sent a text to my guy asking him to call me and that I was upset and needed to talk to him. He text me back and asked what was up? I asked him again to call me (I have never been upset with him or asked him to call etc) and he explained that he was visiting and couldnt call at the time. I went on to explain what I was told and that I was wondering if he was being honest with me. I didnt get any response until the next morning when I got an exact itinerary of what he had done the day/night before. He was very mad (in tone, he has never sworn or acted unrespectful when he talk or text me) and told me that he didnt like being under a microscope. he had explained that the woman was a friend that he hadnt seen in a while and they were just catching up while he was waiting for his cousins to get to his aunts place. I felt horrible. I accepted his explanation and apologized for believing in gossip. He is a great guy and I do believe him - others I know say the same about him and that he is THE stand up guy. He was still very mad and told me that he didnt think it would work out between us - that he thought I was ready to get serious and he wasnt ready for a relationship at this time and also said that he doesnt want to feel like he is being watched and doesnt want to worry about being seen out with friends. I asked him to meet and talk with me in person and he said he would think about it. A couple hours later he got ahold of me and he seemed to have calm down a bit. He said that he might be coming in and then we could meet up. He ended up calling back and telling me that he had to get his son and couldnt really stop by to talk with his son. I agreed and told him that I was sending him an email to get everything out that I had wanted to say and if he could please read it and take some time to think about it. In the email, I never asked him to take me back - I just stood my ground that I wasnt trying to get serious and that our limited time together worked for me because I was scared of falling for someone and this seemed to be safe.

 

He took a 1.5 days and emailed me back. He was apologizing for putting me in that situation and agreed that he and anyone else would have reacted the same way. He said I am a such a great woman but doesnt think it is fair to me and doesnt want to hurt me by having me wait for him to see if we can spend time together and he isnt ready for relationship right now and just wants to be single (so he can feel free to just go and visit with friends and family and not feel like he is hurting me). I said that I understood and I didnt want him to be with me if thats not where he wants to be. I told him he is a really good guy and appreciated him being honest with me. I dont feel bad towards him but I didnt want things to end - I truly do like him and wanted to continue getting to know him. Then to show him that there were no hard feelings, I changed the subject and I told him about a car I bought (while all this was going on) he had recommended. He responded very quickly and was very upbeat and happy for me. I havent spoken to him since. I just think that if he wants to talk to me that he will get ahold of me and if not then he really doesnt want to be around me. My initial thought is that he is scared and that after a little more than 4 months of hanging around with each other - he is getting nervous (at least I have read about commitment scared people behaving like this) and feels like he is protecting himself by ending it now before it goes too far.

 

*also, like I mentioned before, I have never met his family - I know who his son is and saw him at the beach a couple of nights ago. The adults he was with all turned around and were staring at me. I pretended not to notice but the people that I was with were telling me (my friends didnt even know who the boy was). It was strange and made me wonder if he told/shown them who I was - it ended up being my guys sister and they are very close.

 

Anyways, sorry about the length - I just wanted to as honest and give as much detail as possible. Thank you