miguelangel Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 My girlfriend and I lived together for over four years and were very much in love. We started having problems nine months ago that we were both responsible for, but agreed to work through them together. All the while, she started to become very invested with her job. I supported her all the way, but started to feel like there was a problem when her world became all about work. So I tried to open our lives up with trip ideas and new experiences, but she wasn't really up for them. Things got bad when she began an emotional affair with a coworker. They traveled together, she took tons of pics of him, texted each other constantly, and she was infatuated with him, though I do believe she still cared for me. It really broke my heart to watch it happen, and when it continued after I brought it up with her, I decided to break up with her. I moved out of house we shared, but agreed to split the costs and I'd use it while she was gone. When it was my turn to be there, about a week later, I went in and found some guy's stuff everywhere. It turns out that she had brought back and slept with the same guy she was emotionally cheating on me with in a place I still lived in/paid for. I tried to confront her about it but she wouldn't admit it, and she felt no remorse or guilt so I left. Today they went official online and I cut all connections. I know now she was not someone that i should be with, but I'm struggling to understand how someone I loved and who I thought loved me could behave in such a hurtful way. Am I overrreacting because I'm hurt, or can I feel legitimately upset that she did this in a place we both shared? How do I let go of someone that I still have some kind of feelings for, while also not wanting a thing to do with her? What do you think?
BrokenMirror Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Here's the thing. People change over time. Chances are, she's not the same person you fell in love with. Maybe some aspects of her changed. For me, I was madly in love with my ex. We dated 5 years and yes, I kissed another guy while we were on a break. But he threw away those five years too. And it hurt. It killed me. And he started NC and stuck with it till now. If she doesn't want to talk about it, don't force her. She will realize her loss at some point. You should start NC if you haven't already. Keep yourself busy. Go out with friends, work out, read a book. Right now, you are your first priority. You need to make sure that you are good emotionally and physically. The only person who will get hurt if you fall sick is you.
Jamesblame Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Sorry to hear mate. What a slag. The truth is, all that pain and sorrow you feel is a reflection of YOU. Not your relationship and not her. You gave her everything and she abused that trust and faith. She lacked the character to really respect the boundaries of your relationship, and whatever her reasons, you can take comfort in that you did the right thing and loved her the best you could. Your love and contentment can still be obtained even though the relationship is gone. Just direct all the care and love you used to direct at her and move it into something else like yourself, work, and friends. Remember that the world at large is still open to you (and about 3.5 billion vaginae) . She lost out. As to her behavior--well some people lack character and one way or another she'll get hers. Even if its just living a cynical, manipulative lifestyle. Trust me , it gets better. 1
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