USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I don't want control of financial independence, I just, until I get married, want to be successful on my own so I don't have to go through what I went through in my divorce. He used his amount of income as a power house, he could control me because everything was "his". I will never go through that again. I don't mind being taken care of but I will never let a man make me feel like he owns me because he chose to take care of me. I'm sorry, but I had to lol at this...
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Yes. One hundred percent, but being young and stupid I found the whole "funny *******" act attractive. Which again is why I go for the nice guys. I don't want control of financial independence, I just, until I get married, want to be successful on my own so I don't have to go through what I went through in my divorce. He used his amount of income as a power house, he could control me because everything was "his". I will never go through that again. I don't mind being taken care of but I will never let a man make me feel like he owns me because he chose to take care of me. Thanks. What were some of the signs or red flags of "abusive and controlling" you experienced? I get the financial part. Anything else come to mind?
Sanman Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Challenge accepted. Good enough? Either way, I think I am hot, and that is enough for me. I have a little extra extra and am not a small woman by far, but I am happy with who I am! I am just trying to figure out in what world you qualify as having a little extra? You couldn't be more than a size 6.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I'm sorry, but I had to lol at this... Why so? Not that much? I'm unfamiliar with her story. Learning though.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Thanks. What were some of the signs or red flags of "abusive and controlling" you experienced? I get the financial part. Anything else come to mind? Too many. Small things from being grabby while drinking, talking down to someone in a joking manner, always needing to know what I was doing, jealousy, judgmental of sexual past... so many things. There is so much I now can say I will never tolerate from a man, and there are many traits that I completely admire.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Ah it's making sense now. A damaged girl at the age of 17 looking for an outlet. Just something to get her out of her home. Yes! Marriage, that is it. I can move in with him, we can create a life and I can begin to nest. Oh the possibilities. After all I am only seventeen, he has a job and we can make things work on his dime. Or did he? Then the silly notions little girls get put into their heads of being a princess and the white night will show up and make the boo boo's all better. She started to realize the story's may have been just that. Story's. Divorce soon followed because he couldn't live up to her notions. So, she befriends this fat guy in order to rebuild her self-esteem to prepare herself for the dating world. She goes on a couple of dates all the while knowing she would never sleep with this fat ass but it was pleasing to her to know someone, anyone gave her attention after her fantasy came crashing down. Reality can be a clean slap to the face. All the while, this fat **** is filling her with compliments, probably paid for the movies and dinner in hopes of some type of reciprocation for his efforts as the poor sap he is. Denied. You have built my confidence back up with your lavishing compliments and I thank you for it, she says. But, alas we must part ways. You just are not hot enough and too fat, I will never bed you. I have now regained my false sense of reality and ready to take on the dating world once again, thanks to you, my fat friend. xoxoxoxox This was cruel, and so far from the truth it disgusts me.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Too many. Small things from being grabby while drinking, talking down to someone in a joking manner, always needing to know what I was doing, jealousy, judgmental of sexual past... so many things. There is so much I now can say I will never tolerate from a man, and there are many traits that I completely admire. Many say this, and believe it wholeheartedly when they say it. However, actions prove time and again that not to be the case for the majority of people. What makes you different?
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Many say this, and believe it wholeheartedly when they say it. However, actions prove time and again that not to be the case for the majority of people. What makes you different? I can't tell you anything that would convince you. I am just a strong independent woman and there is a reason why I date a lot. I am not looking for a perfect man, just a man that is perfect to me. I am a very down to earth and strong woman, and I give the person I am with my everything... I can only hope the next person I am with is as good of a person as I think I am. Only time truly can tell though. 2
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I can't tell you anything that would convince you. I am just a strong independent woman and there is a reason why I date a lot. I am not looking for a perfect man, just a man that is perfect to me. I am a very down to earth and strong woman, and I give the person I am with my everything... I can only hope the next person I am with is as good of a person as I think I am. Only time truly can tell though. What do you feel is dating a lot? What are some things you feel you need to improve on?
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Ah it's making sense now. A damaged girl at the age of 17 looking for an outlet. Just something to get her out of her home. Yes! Marriage, that is it. I can move in with him, we can create a life and I can begin to nest. Oh the possibilities. After all I am only seventeen, he has a job and we can make things work on his dime. Or did he? Then the silly notions little girls get put into their heads of being a princess and the white night will show up and make the boo boo's all better. She started to realize the story's may have been just that. Story's. Divorce soon followed because he couldn't live up to her notions. So, she befriends this fat guy in order to rebuild her self-esteem to prepare herself for the dating world. She goes on a couple of dates all the while knowing she would never sleep with this fat ass but it was pleasing to her to know someone, anyone gave her attention after her fantasy came crashing down. Reality can be a clean slap to the face. All the while, this fat **** is filling her with compliments, probably paid for the movies and dinner in hopes of some type of reciprocation for his efforts as the poor sap he is. Denied. You have built my confidence back up with your lavishing compliments and I thank you for it, she says. But, alas we must part ways. You just are not hot enough and too fat, I will never bed you. I have now regained my false sense of reality and ready to take on the dating world once again, thanks to you, my fat friend. xoxoxoxox :sick::sick: Reported ...... 4
TheFinalWord Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) This was cruel, and so far from the truth it disgusts me. I agree. I've enjoyed reading your posts miss_jaclynrae. Don't let an internet bully make you feel bad about your goals and dreams. Edited July 21, 2012 by TheFinalWord 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I agree. I've enjoyed reading your posts miss_jaclynrae. Don't let an internet bully make you feel bad about your goals and dreams. Thank you. & to anyone who reads that... I swear it was nothing like that. I guess I am just part of a minority. So be it, I think of it as a great thing. 4
utterer of lies Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 This was cruel, and so far from the truth it disgusts me. While it might not be what happened in your case, it's a good analysis and seems to match common human behavioral patterns. :sick::sick: Reported Why would you do that? I think the previous post where her insecurity was exploited to get more pix of her was way worse. This one is just a contribution to this discussion worth thinking about. It's on-topic with regards to the thread-title, and I don't think it's an attack as much as a challenge to her to analyze her behavior in a different context.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I think (nearly) this whole thread is an attack on her by guys thirsty for blood. It's one huge pile-on and an attempt to make this girl "pay" for whatever other girls did to them. If J is even a little bit insecure about herself (and who isn't), this is bound to make to make her insecurities worse. It's a blatant form of cyber bullying and I will do what I can to stop it. 7
RedRobin Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Here's a suggestion... Don't 'chum' for sharks... If you routinely post pics of yourself in your avatar... in a public forum.. you will attract a certain kind of attention. Deal with it without whining... or pull down your pics.
todreaminblue Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Thank you. & to anyone who reads that... I swear it was nothing like that. I guess I am just part of a minority. So be it, I think of it as a great thing. miss jaclynrae I think that you handled the bullying with respectful posts that still allowed you to stand up for yourself... even though you continued to cop it....you remained calm and didn't hurl abuse back when crap got thrown your way.....i am working towards that.....failing miserably though lately......i am glad that eternal sunshine reported the bullying behaviour towards you.....cheers to you for posting like you did.....best wishes .....deb 1
Ross MwcFan Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) Because you disagree? If so, take it up with me. Otherwise enlighten me. It's because you're being a pathetic Internet bully. Edited July 21, 2012 by Ross MwcFan 2
RedRobin Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) I think (nearly) this whole thread is an attack on her by guys thirsty for blood. It's one huge pile-on and an attempt to make this girl "pay" for whatever other girls did to them. Welcome to LS!! If J is even a little bit insecure about herself (and who isn't), this is bound to make to make her insecurities worse. She invites it by posting pics of herself. Not that she has anything to be ashamed of... not at all. If she wants to post pics of herself here, that's fine. But when you put yourself out into the public like that, you have to take the bad with the good. It's a blatant form of cyber bullying and I will do what I can to stop it. To be honest, it was alot more tame than alot of other stuff I've seen here. ... but to the topic.... I don't date 'fat slobs' anymore... and lots of people tell me I'm hot. (sorry, I don't need internet validation to prove that). Most of it isn't even an attraction thing... I've been physically attracted to men who were a bit heavier. For me it is mostly a lifestyle difference. Men who are heavier likely don't eat well, don't exercise much, or are overall... just have a much more sedentary life than me. It just doesn't work. So yes, I HAVE dated heavier men. It was because they were charming and funny and good people... AND I was attracted to them. Alas, our lives and goals were too different. Edited July 21, 2012 by RedRobin
bac Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Who knows? maybe he has money or a big penis. Maybe he is really funny or she has very low self esteem. The possibilities are endless. I could never date a fat guy personally and I haven't known many woman who would like that either. I agree about 'who knows?'. Perhaps, they have a serious relationship or they are in love. A true love has nothing to do with looks. I would be happy to date a fat guy personally if he wanted a true relationship with me. I mean if he could give me his love, support, frienship and really cared for me. I assume that fat men might have money, be intelligent, talented, kind, loving and have many other great qualities.
Snakechammah Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Shame on you boys! Does it make you feel like a man now... bullying and harrassing a young girl? How pathetic to stroke your own ego by cyber-bashing a random online poster. Jaclyn has every right to live her life the way she wants - dating whoever she wants - or making any choice she wants. You are no better. Enough with the rudeness. 2
mickleb Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) Interesting thread. I was talking about this last night with my new guy... It was a fat guy that brought me here, actually. (Feel free to analyse my self-esteem when I arrived here. It's all laid bare in the ether! I will say that it was L.S. that gave me the 'missing piece' in my puzzle - that happiness is a choice. Thanks again, TaraMaiden!) My ex wasn't my first big boyfriend, either, btw. I went out with another large guy for a couple of years when I was at uni. I found them both attractive because of their personalities. Both were utterly hilarious, brilliant and talented, and I 'clicked' with them - which is the thing that rarely happens that makes me stick around. Neither had cash or was especially unattractive facially, but neither was super-pretty either. One was a bit lazy (admittedly - but so can I be); the other was not. Women can definitely fall for a personality, with looks playing a very minor role. Men, I think, much less so. That's okay, btw - it doesn't make one sex 'better' than the other. There are differences, though, so I can understand how this puzzles men and they might be fascinated by someone like m_j. To the point where they get abusive because they just can't believe that sassy ladies might choose a guy they (the guys) perceive to be 'inferior'. That is their self-esteem issue or their naivety, and why forums like this exist: we are here to learn. Yeah, it's wise to take what's posted on here with a grain of salt but only a grain. Otherwise, why waste your time asking people questions? (m_j, my dearest, if I were to give you any advice, it would be to learn to spot a troll more quickly and employ that ignore feature - if we're talking about fat people and good looks here, we might as well mention that troll got fed rather handsomely! ) I would like to add one dynamic that can be at play with this scenario, though. I think fat guys can be perceived as good guys, more easily - and they're not, necessarily! Fat doesn't equal nice: they can be as shallow as the purdy ones, and vice versa (gorgeous example with Hugh Jackson given earlier). Studies have shown that people (men and women!) begin to find those they know more attractive (physically) the more they like them. And this is certainly true from my personal experience. It, therefore, makes no sense for me to rule out someone who is not conventionally handsome. I was considering a 5XL guy a couple of months ago but his conversation, humour and confidence all fell by the wayside within a couple of weeks, so I wished him well. My current squeeze is good-looking and I clicked with him immediately. He's hilarious, fascinating and awesome in the sack but he's not perfect, either: none of us are. I'll enjoy spending time with him whilst it's fun. Pretty faces and gorgeous bodies can turn heads but so can inspirational words and actions, or a person who can crack you up so much you beg them to stop. Male or female, if the person next to you is making you happy, why would you stop looking at them and scan the room? Edited July 21, 2012 by mickleb
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Here's a suggestion... Don't 'chum' for sharks... If you routinely post pics of yourself in your avatar... in a public forum.. you will attract a certain kind of attention. Deal with it without whining... or pull down your pics. This is like saying girls that wear short skirts deserve to be raped 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Thank you everyone. Here's a suggestion... Don't 'chum' for sharks... If you routinely post pics of yourself in your avatar... in a public forum.. you will attract a certain kind of attention. Deal with it without whining... or pull down your pics. I don't mind back and forth debating. What I do have a problem with is blatant slander. Sure, some of it was right, but that post put me in the position of him being right or me having to share my life story. As for my pictures, I like to think I give a sense of hope. Believe it or not, I am a young woman who has continually stood up for those women who don't fall into the horrible categories and generalizations that many people have here. I can hold my own pretty well, but that one post really did shock me.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I am just trying to figure out in what world you qualify as having a little extra? You couldn't be more than a size 6. I never saw this Honestly? I am 5'10 and am a size 12. Does it make sense now? haha
mesmerized Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I never saw this Honestly? I am 5'10 and am a size 12. Does it make sense now? haha You must not be living in US then. You look like a size 4-6 with US sizing or maybe even less!
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