springersmile Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) I need some advise or outside opinions on something. I've been in a relationship for 6 months but have been feeling like there is something up over the past few weeks.When i started dating my partner, before we properly defined our relationship i read his text messages. I felt crappy doing so but at the time things were up in the air, i wanted to get an idea of where i stood but didn't want to have 'the talk'. I saw numerous messages from different women he dated over the previous months.No big deal as most were old and he didn't appear to be in touch with them.He had been upfront and told me a little about some of the people he's dated previously. However recently there was texts from a woman (who i'll call K) where she asked was he single and he said he had just gotten into a relationship and didn't want to dip out on that.I said nothing and though hey that's cool and didn't continue snooping after this. We're happy and in love, he's told me that he wants to grow old with me etc:) I asked to send a message from his phone last weekend and saw there was messages/contact again between him and K.this time he had changed her name to a guys name on the phone and mentioned that the week had been busy and that he would fill her in on Wednesday. I casually asked him later what day worked during the week to hang out and he said the only day that didn't work was Wednesday as 2 male friend of his were planning on hanging out.I didn't mention seeing the text. On tuesday he says that the guys have cancelled. Wednesday evening he lets me know that he dropped over some flowers on my doorstep and sent a text to tell me to go look. I called him to thank him and he told me he was driving and going to the gym and could i call him later. I called him at 9pm-no reply. Again at 9.55-no reply. He called me back at 10.10 but was talking fast and it just reminded me of when people are lying they tend to babble/give more info than needed. After 10 minutes we hung up. He then 'pocket dials' me and i hear silence, then walking, listen for a moment then i hear him say (not sure to who) 'sh*t i need to check...' and the call went dead. It's now Friday and i then checked the phone again this morning and there was calls from K/from him tues and weds. The one on weds was made not long after he dropped off the flowers. He has since changed the name in the phone again(to another guys name) and has deleted any of the most recent texts so the only thing showing is the last text from a few months ago saying he had gotten into a relationship. I know it was crap of me to snoop but it boils down to fear and self preservation (i've had exes lie and cheat in the past and would rather hear the truth than lies). I don't know whats going on so either he's being upfront and not up to anything and i'm an ******* for doubting him. Or he is hiding something that he doesn't want me to know about, as i can't figure out why else he would delete parts of their conversation, not mention this person etc. We communicate really well about most things (insecurities/fears/issues etc) but this is one i don't know how to handle. I can't believe i've snooped as i've always trusted the people i've been in relationships with and probably would be disappointed if someone did it to me.If i say nothing and stop snooping, it's just going to eat away at me as i feel i'm being dishonest by snooping yet i need to watch my own back. What should i do folks? come clean re snooping now and see what happens? Continue to keep an eye on messages and see if more texts/call develop? Edited July 20, 2012 by springersmile
nofool4u Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 What should i do folks? come clean re snooping now and see what happens? No, you tell him he is busted, and that he can play some other woman for a fool. Then tell him you two are history and leave. And I wouldn't worry about what he thinks of your snooping. He gave you a reason to be suspicious and he got caught. He has no entitlement to the high ground here.
GLDheart Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 This guy betrayed you. He wasted six months of your life. Be thankful that was all.
Author springersmile Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 I'm upset about it as he seemed so different from any other person i've been with: he's a good communicator/listener, not afraid to talk about stuff that lots of guys shy away from, genuinely seems to care about me, introduced me to his close and extended family, wants to spend lots of time together, was honest about exes, was honest about other ppl he was seeing when we first met etc. I finally thought i'd found someone that i could be with long term. I think i'm going to take the weekend to sit on it and then talk to him and explain that i know about him meeting K etc and see what reaction occurs. Thanks for the feedback so far, LS seems to have a great bunch of mostly non judgemental folk.
YellowShark Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 A person with nothing to hide.. hides nothing. The fact that he is changing her name and deleting msgs means he *knows* what he is doing is wrong. Basically you are plan "A." And K is plan "B" if you don't work out.
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