Sheppy99 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) Soooo the best and shortest relationship of my life is now over as of today and do I ever feel blind sided...... We met about 4 or 5 weeks ago and spent a lot of time together and I even met her family and they absolutely loved me. She was always smiling and laughing when we would hang out and cuddled a lot. Before we started dating she introduced to me to her friends. Her best friend was her ex bf who is dating someone else. Immediately it felt like a red flag but I told myself not to let a good thing get away because of my own jealousy or insecurity so I looked past it. Little things kind of caught my attention though like the amount of times she mentioned him and things they did from the past. Also they seemed to play fight a lot when they were together which is flirting to me but this only happened prior to us officially dating. She just seemed sooo into me that I looked past this and didn't want to be the jealous controlling guy. She wanted to hang out all the time, legitimately seemed to really enjoy herself. Than last night I had something I had to attend but broke away early to see her. I texted her to see where she was. She said I could meet her somewhere. I show up and who is she hanging out with? Her best friend alone which is her ex...... I'm like ok whatever, their best friends but it still rubbed me the wrong way for some reason. So last night I couldn't really sleep. I texted her saying we needed to talk today and I wanted clarification on their relationship etc etc. She meets me and is in tears and I'm like uh oh..... not good. So i'm like uhh are you upset cause you think I wanna break up with you or something? She's like no...... I haven't been honest with you or myself and I'm not good enough for you. You deserve so much better than me. As soon as she said that I knew it was the ex... Once I confirmed it I said well there's not much else to say. Was an amazing 5 weeks, probably the best I've ever had with a girl and I was really starting to fall for you...... She asked if we couuld still talk. I said not for a while cause I don't keep my baggage laying around... (I didn't say the last part btw) but was thinking it. I'm just in completely and utter shock. Everything couldn't of gone more perfect and I just feel blind sided. I don't think this is even salvageable because if even we did try again, the ex would always be in the back of my mind. I just can't believe that something that went so well is over out of nowhere.... I dunno if there's hope worth holding onto or not. I just don't understand why she went to all the effort of having me meet her entire family for approval and go to family get togethers if ultimately she wasn't over her ex. Maybe breaking all contact with her will force her to make a choice but somehow I doubt it..... One thing is for sure, I'm not being anyones emotional tampon.... But I had this feeling that she could of been the one after so many failed relationships in the past. I Just can't believe I was wrong this time Edited July 20, 2012 by Sheppy99
blotter Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Wow dude that's like rule #1 of relationships: you don't bring up, talk about, or hang around with exe's. The first time she brought him up and started talking about him should have been enough to end the relationship much less hanging around an ex. Not much you can do about it now except learn that lesson.
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Wow dude that's like rule #1 of relationships: you don't bring up, talk about, or hang around with exe's. The first time she brought him up and started talking about him should have been enough to end the relationship much less hanging around an ex. Not much you can do about it now except learn that lesson. True man, I guess I allowed myself to buy what she was selling. The whole we were friends before we started to date and stayed friends afterwards BS. She never referred to him as an ex, it was always my friend or my best friend so I was really trying to believe it was just platonic. Also the fact that he had a gf made me feel a lil at ease but after this lesson, even that won't be good enough. I just feel like saying to her how the heck to expect to be happy and move on if you never break contact with him? I"m never dating a girl who's friends with their ex again. Don't care how much they profess it's platonic
Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 hmm i know what you mean, and this is telling me to stay friends with my ex so she doesn't move on fully. problem with that is, she is in a far away country to me, so doubt that would work. ex's always seem to get in the way don't they, but i guess thats the way it is. either the girl is still friends with them, or they are in some form of contact or they are not over the ex fully and use you as a cushion / sponge / tampon
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Another thing my buddy was saying is where the family loved me so much so quickly it may have freaked her out and put too much pressure on her........ Apparently the mother was saying to her "have u changed ur mind about kids now??" That would be a freaky thing to hear after only dating a guy for 4 or 5 weeks. In any event, I care about the girl a lot but would only even consider another chance if she came back and said I'm going to cut him completely out of my life and try to move on for good and maybe we can then work on getting back together. It just pisses me off cause I wasn't the one who moved things along so quickly. She was the one who invited me to all these family functions and she was the one who asked "What would be your perfect wedding" blah blah blah. So for her to say things moved too quickly for her burns me a bit........
Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 yeah typical girl there. infatuated? well from my experience if a girl wants to be friends with an ex they will. only she can decide to drop them and move on. i was with a girl and her ex was constantly and i mean constantly on her back. she wouldn't cut him loose though. i gave her the ultimatum (in my mind i was done anyway do didn't care much for the outcome) told her unless she cuts him she will never move on and he will always ruin what you could have with someone else. needless to say she cut him loose after 3-4 months (i wasn't waiting) i had moved on, then she came back to me but i didn't want to go back there anyway... thats life
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Good for you for holding your ground. I'm pretty much going to say the same thing if she tries to come back to me at some point. I'll just be like I'm not going through this a second time around so you either cut him out of your life or I'm gone for good. What pisses me off is the selfish douchebag has a gf and I would bet money he got jealous of not having her at his beck and call 24/7 cause me and her were together almost always for the last 4 or 5 weeks and he probably said some BS to her last night to get her all mixed up inside cause something just didn't seem right when I picked her up after they had hung out. Like you said, if she wants to have him continuously ruin good things for her than so be it. I'm just glad she let me know now instead of 5 months from now or longer.
Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 as much as it hurts, it is actually a good thing. but i understand how it can feel rough because 5 weeks seeing someone all the time is actually a long time. i saw a new girl (ish) but she ruined it to, due to external pressures. so annoying have you read my topic on here? want to confront her. i guess i am contemplating whether or not to stay in touch on a more regular basis. but its all really difficult.
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 as much as it hurts, it is actually a good thing. but i understand how it can feel rough because 5 weeks seeing someone all the time is actually a long time. i saw a new girl (ish) but she ruined it to, due to external pressures. so annoying have you read my topic on here? want to confront her. i guess i am contemplating whether or not to stay in touch on a more regular basis. but its all really difficult. 5 weeks is almost worse than a 5 month - year long relationship in some ways because we honestly had 0 bad times and I never even saw a bad side to her. Normally when relationships run their course you can make a list of at least 10 things that happened where you felt like crap and would be better off moving on. With this, I literally have nothing other than her being honest about still having feelings for an ex....... and I can't even really fault her for that cause she was honest with me at least as soon as she knew. She tried to make the relationship work and hoped for the best but it didn't happen. So I honestly have nothing to be even slightly angry about. Disappointed yes but angry no....... That is going to make it all the more hard to swallow. As for your situation, I was it with my ex Megan years ago. She said she still had feelings for me but couldn't commit to a relationship with me because of something I had done in the past. The only compromise we came too is we both left out our personal lives during our discussions so any talk regarding dates or people we met and were interested in were left alone and off limits. Made it a little easier to have a friendship with but to be honest it didn't feel all that natural...... I know it's tough to constantly worry about what someone you love is doing on a friday night, I think we've all been there. My advice to you may be if caring for her is tying you up with knots inside more than it makes you feel good. Maybe you should try some NC with her for a while and see if you can't move on from that pain. It may make you a more independent person the next time you guys talk cause you may be on your way to being over her emotionally and able to hear about her life without cringing in agony. The harder you pull, the harder she'll push you away romantically
Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 well i think you have go a bit mixed up... 5-1 year would be worse as you would have invested so so much more. 5 weeks is very much in the honey moon period so there shouldn't be any arguments. i personally think you don't really know anyone until after 6 month mark, this is when you will know more about them and habits etc. i get that anger thing, but its not a good emotion to hold onto. i was angry at an ex (my first love, sarah) as it was a 4 year re and when it crumbled literally she jumped into a relationship with another guy. it crushed me. we had lived together for nearly 2 years etc. it was only until a year later when i saw her and i let my emotions fly that the weight got lifted. sure we haven't spoke since and it would be nice to talk now i am 1000% over her, but because of that, it probably wouldn't be possible. either way she is happy I've been happy and thats life. maybe give this girl 1 more chance but this time be emotionally guarded. you don't have to tell her him or you, as she will choose him. but you can tell her what your feeling and why it pissed you off. get her to understand that by her doing this no matter who she see's in the future it will always lead to unhappiness (do make it all about you, make it sound like you are looking out for her as a mutual stand point - she will think about it more and agree with you then hopefully cut this guy and come your way) yeah that doesn't sound natural. i just struggle knowing she said she has these feelings yet is happy to jet off and leave things to mystery/fate if we were to ever meet again :s and thats it.. its not tying me up in knots, its just i really want to be with this girl but clearly she isn't in the same frame of mind right now (or ever?) yet she cares for me. yeah its true the more you push the faster they pull away.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Yeah the friends with an ex thing is f*cking silly. My former lady had 2 or 3 ex's she would maintain slight contact with. Mostly as a result of them all being still part of her larger circle of friends, and they never hung out one on one, but it was some b*tchass sh*t. One was her pussy highschool boyfriend who I hear hermitted up for over a year when she broke up with him, and didn't date another chick for 7. Of course throughout our relationship, he would send her little texts with movie recommendations, inside jokes and **** like that (I'll admit I stooped to phone snooping several times). Her responses were always super platonic but it bugged me. Oh god now I'm recalling something I somehow hadn't thought of for a long time, which was when I overheard her through a bathroom door, tearfully telling her friend she thought she might have feelings for him still and wasn't sure she should be dating me. I broke up with her that night but took her back a few days later after she begged me to. Good thing to be reminded of, as it brings me anger instead of wistfulness. Stupid bitch. Sorry for getting off track. Anyway, be glad you're done with someone so fickle-minded and generally weak. You want a girl who's strong enough to be honest with themselves and others. If she wanted to be with him or was still romantically interested in him, she shouldn't have delved into your guys' new relationship with that sort of deceit, insisting they were "best friends". **** is irritating
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 I have so many emotions right now I don't even know which to feel. I guess anger and frustration is really winning out right now. Just no idea why asking me about weddings and inviting me to family getaways was necessary if this was even a possibility. Maybe she really does care about me and is just seriously mixed up. I have no idea. I really feel like pounding the crap out of the douchebag ex cause I know when they hung out last night he must of said something to her to get her all mixed up emotionally and to do that while he has a gf is pretty f'n selfish. My biggest fear is to have something go so amazingly well and ultimately crash and burn............ when will I ever be able to know when I've met the right one.
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 just doesn't feel like it's completely over.... Makes no sense for her to completely give up on our relationship when it's not like she's going to be getting back together with her ex who already has a gf...... so is this just her needing time or should I give up completely?
dinosaur Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Give her space and try to live your own life. It's not fair for you to sit here and wait on your hands and knees begging for her to come back. If she decides to come back she should apologize to you and earn back your trust because she loves you.
Author Sheppy99 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Give her space and try to live your own life. It's not fair for you to sit here and wait on your hands and knees begging for her to come back. If she decides to come back she should apologize to you and earn back your trust because she loves you. Oh no, I'm not the begging type. She asked if we could still be friends when she got outta my car and I said not for a while. I'll be definitely employing no contact as it worked so well in the past for me. I care about this girl a lot but I'm beginning to realize this could be for the best. I don't know if she could really say anything that would allow me to take her back because there would be too many trust issues. Not to mention I'm beginning to question the stability and self esteem of her too. Listening to her bawl her eyes out saying she doesn't feel good enough for me was eye opening. Girls that feel that way tend to do f'd up stuff later on in the relationship to satisfy their fragile self esteem Time will tell I guess.
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