Rylie Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Scenario: There is a woman who's childhood was filled with molestation and rape and even with therapy she is too traumatized to have a sexual relationship. People think therapy and medications fix everything, but they are very wrong. Being with her would involve: -Never having sex -Never giving/receiving oral -Never touching her sexually or having her touch you sexually Would you be in a relationship with her? Would you marry a woman like this? Would you be faithful? Could you handle being in a relationship with only cuddling, kissing and holding hands, for the rest of your life? 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Good question... Honestly, I couldn't. No matter how much I loved a woman who had the terrible misfortune of having such a traumatic childhood, not being able to have sex with her would be enough for me to not want to be with her, as hurtful as that may seem. This would be difficult. But that is just speaking for myself, personally, and I consider myself to be a very sexual person.
brahmabull117 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) this thread is surely a joke right? If I was to get into a relationship with no sex, I would rather date a man. Let's be honest - my best friends make more money, have cooler personalities and are far more funny/interesting than 95% of women Edited July 20, 2012 by brahmabull117 4
Feelin Frisky Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Sorry but no. A goodly amount of my relationship were with women who projected the bad things from other men on to me as it is even without it being anywhere near the OP scenario and it just didn't work. It gets disheartening very quickly to have to suffer the sins of other men when you give consideration and love yourself. 2
somedude81 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Not a chance. I might date her for a bit to see if she is seriously against sex. But after a couple of refusals I'd end it.
kaylan Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Though I sympathize for this woman, Id be a good friend, but never a boyfriend. Thats a lot of baggage to handle, and its a shame she was put through so much. But we all have to understand its very challenging to date someone whos been through any sort of trauma, be it physical, emotional, or mental....and in her case, a mix of all 3. A happy and fulfilling relationship for both sides generally requires mental, emotional, and physical compatibility. Shed have to find an asexual guy whod be ok with her lack of desire for sex.
oaks Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 No. I want a relationship to include sex. Preferably good sex, some of the time, too.
Ross MwcFan Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 If that was all I could get, mmmmmmm, I'm not sure, I mean, it sure sounds infinatley better than nothing, there is nothing more that I would like than to give and recieve physical affection with a woman, in fact I actually want that more than sex. But, to be in a relationship with a woman who you're are sexually attracted to, and who you're physically close to often may feel incredibly sexually frustrating. And if that's the case, I'd rather not be with someone like that.
El Brujo Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Scenario: There is a woman who's childhood was filled with molestation and rape and even with therapy she is too traumatized to have a sexual relationship. People think therapy and medications fix everything, but they are very wrong. Being with her would involve: -Never having sex -Never giving/receiving oral -Never touching her sexually or having her touch you sexually Would you be in a relationship with her? Would you marry a woman like this? Would you be faithful? Could you handle being in a relationship with only cuddling, kissing and holding hands, for the rest of your life? Darn tootin' I would!!! One thing my asexuality has taught me is there's a razor-sharp difference between sex and love (if there wasn't, then there'd be no such thing as a FWB). I don't need to have sex to know what love is... after all, I love my cat and my dog, but anything more intimate than that would be sick and illegal... but, sadly, the woman's not born yet who appreciates sexless love. I can understand the lousy childhood thing though... I was raised by a divorced mother who screamed at me, threatened me with knives and metal pipes, fed me disgusting foods, and never let me have decent toys like the other boys got... so yeah, I wouldn't mind being a shoulder to cry on for a woman who had an unloving childhood. But, sadly... such women have probably turned out even more psychotic than the rest... BTW you're right, therapy and medications don't fix sh**. 1
yongyong Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 What kind of normal guy would want to be with 'Damaged product'? Would you date a guy who had serious drug problem? how stupid question it is... 1
FitChick Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 [quote=El Brujo;4131720 One thing my asexuality has taught me is there's a razor-sharp difference between sex and love. I'm pretty sure someone mentioned a dating website for asexual people. Don't deprive yourself of companionship needlessly.
ptp Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 It would be hard, very hard, like constantly poking her in the bum hard. Besides the sex, I want to have biological children of my own and no sex would mean no children. I would sympathize with a woman like that, but I don't have resources to deal with someone who has experienced all of that.
USMCHokie Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I wouldn't even consider it. Sure, I'd have a sympathy, but that's natural selection for you... 1
SunandMoon Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Unless she was someone I loved very, very deeply, I honestly don't think I could.
Leopard Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 this thread is surely a joke right? If I was to get into a relationship with no sex, I would rather date a man. Let's be honest - my best friends make more money, have cooler personalities and are far more funny/interesting than 95% of women Then why are they single? Men like that shouldn't stay on the market too long. Although I'm sure lots of people say that about their friends. A friend how you see them isn't the same when they are in a relationship. I've seen my friends turn into crazies once they start dating. It's pretty shocking how people can be so different in relationships. And I never understood why.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Scenario: There is a woman who's childhood was filled with molestation and rape and even with therapy she is too traumatized to have a sexual relationship. People think therapy and medications fix everything, but they are very wrong. Being with her would involve: -Never having sex -Never giving/receiving oral -Never touching her sexually or having her touch you sexually Would you be in a relationship with her? Would you marry a woman like this? Would you be faithful? Could you handle being in a relationship with only cuddling, kissing and holding hands, for the rest of your life? I'd be self conscious about such a situation (the rape stuff) since I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable. But yeah I'd be ok without sex forever.
JayJ Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 My marriage has been sexless for over 20 years and although yes you do miss skin to skin contact with another person and often masturbation doesn't seem to be quite enough, if you are good buddies and have kids it is really best to stick it out. My wife and I both have normal sex drives but I haven't been sexually attracted to her for many years and simply can't get sexually excited enough to be able to perform with her. She complained some when the sex first stopped but now has accepted the situation. I told her she could go out and have sex if she wanted but she is fairly conservative so declined by offer. I've strayed briefly a couple of times earlier in the marriage but now that I'm older I really don't want to create any "collateral damage" to the family by getting caught cheating. It is not a situation either of us like but the pros of staying outweigh the cons of leaving so we stick together. Life isn't a fairly tale and being in a sexually happy marriage for years and years is simply a matter of luck.
soccerrprp Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 My marriage has been sexless for over 20 years and although yes you do miss skin to skin contact with another person and often masturbation doesn't seem to be quite enough, if you are good buddies and have kids it is really best to stick it out. My wife and I both have normal sex drives but I haven't been sexually attracted to her for many years and simply can't get sexually excited enough to be able to perform with her. She complained some when the sex first stopped but now has accepted the situation. I told her she could go out and have sex if she wanted but she is fairly conservative so declined by offer. I've strayed briefly a couple of times earlier in the marriage but now that I'm older I really don't want to create any "collateral damage" to the family by getting caught cheating. It is not a situation either of us like but the pros of staying outweigh the cons of leaving so we stick together. Life isn't a fairly tale and being in a sexually happy marriage for years and years is simply a matter of luck. Wow, JayJ...wow. 20-years?! Sorry, sir, but have every intention of having a physical relationship with my SO or wife until i'm dead. Don't know your circumstances, but with the advent of Viagra, et. al., only severe physical/medical condition would stop me. Man, I'm curious.
carhill Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Having lived a permutation of this (the scenario in the OP), specifically apparently mechanical sex with emotional detachment, I would opine I'd vastly prefer to spend my quality time with my best friend, who offers far healthier love and companionship, than ever being in such a relationship with a woman ever again. Life teaches lessons, sometimes painful ones. Lessons learned.
JayJ Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 If you like masturbating...maybe using porn then it wouldn't be so bad especially if she had a good job and was bringing in good money. Also someone like this would probably allow for an open marriage.
phineas Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Did it for a while when my now ex-wife was cheating. Then was lucky if I got lucky once a month after that. Yeah, the only point of a relationship right now would be regular sex. Why the hell would a divorced guy spend time, money & energy on a woman without getting laid? That's like my marriage except, I can leave at anytime but don't.
yongyong Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Getting an abused dog is one thing but I don't think I want to be involved with someone like that. Why should I pay the price for someone else's mis behavior?
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Well being as I've heard so many similar experience by men close to JayJ's that have been married over a number of years, I'm pretty concerned that this may be a cold reality to some degree. If you ask a woman she blames the man...you ask the man he blames the woman, It's just apparent that there's a clear disconnect, almost an indifference among each other...It becomes like a crew on a ship, everyone has their tasks, duties and obligations which typically surround around the children and finances, then you basically scrounge for any personal time to unwind with whatever is left over. Many of the men I've seen look like their soul has been drained from their bodies when they talk about their lives, the passion is out of their eyes...I see a lot of men cheat just for some shred of happiness, they feel stuck and they've settled into an mediocre, mundane life of going to work, coming home, spending time with their kids then going to sleep and doing it all over again. Interesting enough out of that element they become a bit invigorated, but they be careful not to enjoy life too much! They seem bonded or committed unwillingly and unhappily, however nonetheless there is no question they could leave...I guess they've already crossed that bridge and realized It's for the long haul. Early on however, many marriages seem to be doing OK for a while, most just kind of take it like that's the way it goes. Would I honestly be in a sexless relationship? how do you really know without having been married? do you think these guys intended to end up in one, would they have said yes when they were young or single at the time...most people would probably say hell no right? but there you have it, the results are clear from the vast majority of men I've ever talked to who have been married for a while, and I've talked to a wide range of men...many I did know, many I did not. I've been told by so many men, many of them being strangers not to get married that I lost count, not to mention actually couples telling me this at the same time in person...I'm like wtf? but they seem way over their outcome and seem to just be trying to save another poor soul...that's how it feels. I'd like to believe that my marriage and life would be awesome...full of love, companionship, an unwavering passion and my relationships actually have been strong in that regard...however undermined by the issues present, which I take a lot of personal responsibility for. Do I believe in it still....this happy great marriage? It's hard to look for examples personally, never seen a marriage that had everything I wanted out of it...sure a man who's in front of his wife will tell you how great and happy he is, and a woman will speak on the behalf of her husband on how happy and completely satisfied he is...but well, you don't hear a lot of that rhetoric when It's a one on one conversation, especially after a few drinks in em. So If the same thing happened to me, and I'm not so super human or "different" in spite of all my atypical qualities that many men do not exude...I'm much more emotionally expressive, super affectionate, and can talk a lot and share much about how I feel and think...will that save me from dire fate so many women and men have endured in a marriage? I'm a very confident guy, but I'm not stupid either! I'd like to think I could avoid it, but you never know...I'm still human and a man after all. If my marriage became sexless, could I sacrifice my happiness and needs for my kids? yeah I think I would put my kids first, would it bother me not to have sex? hell yeah it would, but I guess I'd fall on the crutch of what many men fall on...porn. Would I stay like that forever? probably not, eventually I probably wouldn't be able to hold it together...I'd be able to numb myself and detach myself long enough to get done what I needed to get done but ultimately at some point I have to save myself too. I can't let myself fade into a dark place of depression and conformity to unhappiness where I don't even have an intimate thought or desire for my partner anymore....I don't think we're meant to be that unhappy, I don't think either person deserves that. So could I go into that knowing the lack of physical and emotional intimacy will be lacking or none existent and there was no possibility? that's a lot to ask, but I'd ask myself what was I trying to achieve, and why would I be willing to put myself through for it? what makes the sacrifice worth it? It's hard to love a person when you can't share it together....for whatever reason, eventually the weight becomes overbearing. 2
Recommended Posts