ihateslowjams Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) Great... a mutual friend (mostly my ex's friend) wants to have dinner and stay friends with me... I have nothing against her and I don't mind being friends (totally platonic on both ends), but I wasn't expecting to be until way later. Its only been 7 weeks since the BU and about 6 weeks of NC. Have u guys remained friends with your ex's friends after they've reached out to u? I don't want to reject the invitation cuz she is a good friends. Although I'm sure everything (rejection or not) will be told to my ex... hmmm... any advice? Edited July 20, 2012 by ihateslowjams
Guitarjeff Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Be friends, but set some ground rules for yourself. No talking about the ex with her. If she constantly brings the ex up, then you can probably count on the fact that the ex has helped set this up to play mind games with you. Put it this way, friends are great, just make sure this friendship brings the positive things to your life that all friendships should. If it does, then great, if it is an attempt to spy for your ex, then you'll know that soon enough if you stick to your ground rules.
dsw31 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Great... a mutual friend (mostly my ex's friend) wants to have dinner and stay friends with me... I have nothing against her and I don't mind being friends (totally platonic on both ends), but I wasn't expecting to be until way later. Its only been 7 weeks since the BU and about 6 weeks of NC. Have u guys remained friends with your ex's friends after they've reached out to u? I don't want to reject the invitation cuz she is a good friends. Although I'm sure everything (rejection or not) will be told to my ex... hmmm... any advice? I can somewhat relate.My ex's sister has reached out to me & we have been hanging out a almost weekly now.(been broken up for 4 months now) I never hung out with her while my & ex & I were dating.I have to admit...at first I wanted to be friends with her, having alterior motives(staying close & gaining information)But we have actually become good friends.The first time we hung out,she kept mentioning his name until I finally said "please stop mentioning him,he's dead to me!" (I am still very much in love with him btw)She apologized & has somewhat stopped mentioning him as much but, I did hear from her that he asks her sporadic random things about me.(which made me happy but sad at the same time)She said that"she doesn't tell him anything about me...just that I'm fine".I have to admit...it's nice to have her friendship but it also saddens me sometimes. I sometimes even pretend that I am happier than I actually am around her because I have a feeling she does tell my ex some things about me. All I can say is-do what ever you feel is right for you.Don't rush into it if you're not ready & don't tell that friend anything that you don't want your ex to know
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Thanks for the advice. I will be looking out for "spying" motives. However... I did respond that day and she mentioned she wouldn't be free to have that dinner till 2 weeks later... wtf??? whats the point of asking now?!?!?! -_- This is very peculiar... Am i over thinking this???
Sugarkane Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 This is a bit odd. I did everything right after the breakup and kept my mouth shut. Didn't tell them everything. When really I felt so angry, I didn't want too. I still got dropped like a tonne of bricks.
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 This is a bit odd. I did everything right after the breakup and kept my mouth shut. Didn't tell them everything. When really I felt so angry, I didn't want too. I still got dropped like a tonne of bricks. you got dropped by the friends? or your ex again?
Sugarkane Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 you got dropped by the friends? or your ex again? Both. It seems people like to take the easy way out and stay with the group and not risk knowing me anymore. I haven't seen many times where people are actually mature enough to stay friends- even as grown adults. A similar breakup happened in my cousins friendship group. He actually stayed friends with her [dumpee] even though he wasn't friends with her first. My cousin said to me they'll lose a lot of friends with this way. I don't think I would want to know them anymore- they supported a liar and a cheater over me.
Recommended Posts