matius Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Hi: I've been dating this girl now for about 2.5 months. Everything has been fantastic about 96% of the time. However, on two different occassions hanging out with my friends, she basically ignored/was short with me and took to either one of my roommates. So while she was having a good time with them she sort of left me in the cold. The second time I talked to her about it, told her I felt disappointed for the way she was acting. She told me that she was trying to get in good with my friends, and trying to not do the 'couple' thing because she knows what it was like to be a third wheel too. My argument was don't try to make them feel included at my expense. I have a bit of OCD, so I tend to repeat these actions in my mind constantly. She told me that she was sorry and she didn't realize she was doing it. Do you think that I should give her the opportunity to make good, or did she disrespect me enough for me to step. I like her, and I told her what I thought because I want to try and work through things with her. I just can't get the fact that I'm doubting her out of my mind... In need of your opinion. I explained this the best I could...everything besides those 2 nights has been great. Thanks
Debster Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 If this is all you have to complain about, consider yourself lucky. I consider it a compliment that she wants to get to know your friends, make them feel comfortable and hope that they like her. Why are you being so insecure and needy? Is this based on previous relationships or deep down do you doubt her (or your friends)? BTW, the key IMO to a relationship is the ability to forgive and forget. I think you might need to work on that aspect.
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 So while she was having a good time with them she sort of left me in the cold. Left you in the cold how? Weren't you participating at their talk, did she completely ignore you? For how long? It would help to know your expectation of her when going out! I like feeling that I have a bf when going out with my friends. I like being in a couple and I do know about giving space and about not making people feeling uncomfortable. I think he can very well continue his conversation and hold my hand to show me he's there. That is not needy or insecure !
lancethechip Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 curylyiam, I don't know what you mean exactly... By left out in the cold I mean, she was *only* having a conversation with my roommate who she told me she likes alot. If I tried to ask what they were saying she said something (like I'm talking here) and went right back to the convo. That really bothered me in a big way. I know what you're saying Debster, but do you see what I'm saying?
Author matius Posted July 9, 2004 Author Posted July 9, 2004 Ok, hopefully the admin will delete my anonymous post. She left me out in the cold when she was talking to 'just' my friend and not including anyone else in the convo. When I tried to interrupt or get in on the convo she acted like 'she was talking and don't interrupt' and went right back to the convo. Earlier that week she told me that she like my roommate alot (my friend)...though that was probably a harmless statement- mixed with that night wasn't a good combo.
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 At times, I really enjoy being a girl, for I most certainly use all girls' prerogative to make a scene!!!! I am very sensitive about being neglected, and I think man or woman, being ignored by your partner in public, no matter is in favour of whom, they have every right to feel hurt, rejected, disapointed. Being in a couple also means knowing to act as a couple when in society. It doesn't mean each time I make I statement I turn my head and look at my bf and ask "isn't it so, honey"!!! MAtius, look at things as they really are. You are a fresh couple, be ver sure to say clearly anything you are uncomfortable with. She, as your gf, has the right ot listen! But doing that twice in favour of another man... hum... that's a bad sign. Tell her that her behaviour makes you uncomfortable because: A. she ignores you - that's plain rude, lack of education B. she ignores you in favour of another man - makes you jealous, although you trust her; you are wondering how much does she really want to be with you if she isn't able to enjoy a party with you, as in a couple; wondering what she would do if you weren't there C. makes you look really bad: people always notice this kind of things. They see you reaching out toher and you can be damn sure they see her rejecting you! You don't do that when with her friends! In the end it isn't even about you and her, it is about behaving in society! Sorry, mat, have a heart toheart talk with her and break the "news" to her. Watch her reaction. It speaks louder than 100 words... Good luck, Curly
Author matius Posted July 9, 2004 Author Posted July 9, 2004 Thank you, and I did... I told her that I was disappointed simply because she was somewhat rude and short with me that night. Nothing at all to do with who she was talking with...because tho she said she like my friend, it wasn't that so much that bothered me. It was the duration of which nobody else could be included in the convo and shortness of which she answered my requests to join.
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