oaks Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I could go on. I'm cursed. Well, you will insist on living in hickville, or wherever it is. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Iris, I think you need to ask a close female friend to vet all possible suitors for you.
Fitz Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I will be blunt here, but please don't mistake this for being rude. I suspect that you may be pricing yourself out of the market. And the longer you do this (especially as a woman) the harder it will be for you to compete in the dating world. As has already been mentioned, if you want a "normal" college educated 5'10 white guy then you've got to compete with Asians, Latinas and don't forget other white girls... And then don't forget that you have to compete with a constant influx of women who are younger than you... Now comes the rude "elephant in the room" part: 1. How tall are you? 2. How much do you weigh? 3. What's your bra size approximately? 4. How attractive would you rate yourself on a 1-10 scale?
Author iris219 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Iris, I think you need to ask a close female friend to vet all possible suitors for you. I think I need a better pool of men to select from. I will be blunt here, but please don't mistake this for being rude. I suspect that you may be pricing yourself out of the market. And the longer you do this (especially as a woman) the harder it will be for you to compete in the dating world. As has already been mentioned, if you want a "normal" college educated 5'10 white guy then you've got to compete with Asians, Latinas and don't forget other white girls... And then don't forget that you have to compete with a constant influx of women who are younger than you... Now comes the rude "elephant in the room" part: 1. How tall are you? 2. How much do you weigh? 3. What's your bra size approximately? 4. How attractive would you rate yourself on a 1-10 scale? So in order to obtain an average guy, a woman has to be super hot and well above average? What would she have to do to get an above average guy? Accomplish world peace? Oh, wait, men don't care about that sort of thing. Getting dates based on how I look has never been a problem. Also, I routinely date men who are less physically attractive than myself. I'm not sure how my physical stats are relevant here.
Fitz Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 (edited) I think I need a better pool of men to select from. So in order to obtain an average guy, a woman has to be super hot and well above average? What would she have to do to get an above average guy? Accomplish world peace? Oh, wait, men don't care about that sort of thing. Getting dates based on how I look has never been a problem. Also, I routinely date men who are less physically attractive than myself. I'm not sure how my physical stats are relevant here. Of course. A woman doesn't have to be super hot to get an average guy -or a "above average" guy. (whatever average means here...) But my point is that attracting a man and then keeping a man is a competition. Not a romantic comedy where everyone gets to be happy at the end of it all. And so in the real world some people will be forced to find happiness in being single or else be involved with someone they might not really like. So in other words: you seem to be blaming the pool of men available to you. However, I'm raising the possibility that perhaps other women are out doing you in the competition. And I don't mean to offend you by bringing it up. So if the pool is your problem, then there is your answer. Problem solved, end of thread. Move to another city. But If the competition is your problem, then its time for you to step up your game or stop pricing yourself out of the market. ps I could also argue that the 5'10 college educated white guy with no issues is definitely not "average" in the sense that such a guy is always in demand. Yes, he's average in the sense of what you see on TV and magazines etc. But in the real world that kind of guy has a lot of options. Asians, Latinas, White girls, and then also younger girls in general. Edited July 22, 2012 by Fitz
Author iris219 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Of course. A woman doesn't have to be super hot to get an average guy -or a "above average" guy. But my point is that attracting a man and then keeping a man is a competition. Not a romantic comedy where everyone gets to be happy at the end of it all. And so in the real world some people will be forced to find happiness in being single or else be involved with someone they might not really like. So in other words: you seem to be blaming the pool of men available to you. However, I'm raising the possibility that perhaps other women are out doing you in the competition. And I don't mean to offend you by bringing it up. So if the pool is your problem, then there is your answer. Problem solved, end of thread. Move to another city. But If the competition is your problem, then its time for you to step up your game or stop pricing yourself out of the market. ps I could also argue that the 5'10 college educated white guy with no issues is definitely not "average" in the sense that such a guy is always in demand. Yes, he's average in the sense of what you see on TV and magazines etc. But in the real world that kind of guy has a lot of options. Asians, Latinas, White girls, and then also younger girls in general. I haven't tried to keep any of them. I've tried to get rid of them. I'm telling you--I meet weirdoes. No lie: the guy I talked about in post #43 just showed up at my house. I never gave him my number. I said no to his date offer. We talked about where we lived vaguely the night we met because we live in the same area, but I didn't give him my address. This is the kind of crazy thing that happens to me (and has happened to me before). I am a psycho magnet.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Well, you will insist on living in hickville, or wherever it is. Exactly! You complain about the local offerings, yet refuse to move. One of the reasons I moved out of the hick town I grew up in was to find better friend, career, and romantic prospects. One of my favorite things about living in a big city is that there's such a wide variety of interesting people here. Sounds like you need to widen your net SOMEHOW. Consider dating people in nearby cities, travel more, something.
Negative Nancy Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 lol @ expecting normal guys to be on dating sites these dry responses crack me up
Negative Nancy Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Just last night, I met this very cool guy at a cocktail party for one of my clients. We spent the last hour of the party having amazing conversation non-stop. I told him I've been dating someone for a month, but would be open to going on a date with him if things don't work out with this guy, and gave him my number. :sick:
borkus Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I think I need a better pool of men to select from. So in order to obtain an average guy, a woman has to be super hot and well above average? What would she have to do to get an above average guy? Accomplish world peace? Oh, wait, men don't care about that sort of thing. Getting dates based on how I look has never been a problem. Also, I routinely date men who are less physically attractive than myself. I'm not sure how my physical stats are relevant here. You didn't answer his question. What do you look like? Do you look like Claire Forlani???
Lonely Ronin Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 what's "poor social skills" mean? These are some pretty good examples. When a man prefaces a date with "I'm not going to remember any of this next time we talk" and proceeds to get falling down drunk and we have to get a cab because he can't drive me home, that's crazy behavior. This was 40 year old man with a high profile job. When you insult my house, my neighborhood, and my dog (all of which are cute, btw!) before the date even starts, and than you talk about nothing but your therapy sessions the entire date, that's weird (and rude). When on a date you tell me about all the hot women you've banged, that's inappropriate. Don't tell me on a first date you have a large penis. Why would anyone do this? Or the guy who picked me up for dinner and said he wasn't eating. Um...so I'm going to eat by myself? When we get there, he realizes they have really cheap specials and is suddenly excited about eating. I told him he didn't have to pay me and apparently that wasn't the issue. He wasn't planning on it; he didn't even have money to pay for himself (aside from a $1 taco). He admitted he was completely broke and that he had a lot debt. Example: Last night I met a guy whom I had some things in common with and he was close to age appropriate (12 years older, but that’s OK with me), but he was annoying and pervy. He kept talking about all the hot women he runs across. And by “talking” I mean gushing and giving details. We both participate in a specific activity and he asked me if I wanted to go with him some time. Why would I want to go after he told how “hot the chicks are” there? When I said no, thanks, he started trying to talk to my friend. I’ve met/went on dates with worse in the past because I figure I can’t be picky, but I have little patience at this point. 1
Author iris219 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) You didn't answer his question. What do you look like? Do you look like Claire Forlani??? That's who people say I look like sometimes. And Fiona Apple. I get other random celebrities at times too, so I don't know. Edited July 23, 2012 by iris219
Fitz Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I haven't tried to keep any of them. I've tried to get rid of them. I'm telling you--I meet weirdoes. No lie: the guy I talked about in post #43 just showed up at my house. I never gave him my number. I said no to his date offer. We talked about where we lived vaguely the night we met because we live in the same area, but I didn't give him my address. This is the kind of crazy thing that happens to me (and has happened to me before). I am a psycho magnet. Well, to be fair you haven't attracted one yet -meaning a guy who meets your criteria. You haven't made it to that stage yet. Rather, you have been attracting men who do not fit the criteria of a "normal" college educated 5'10 white guy with no issues. IOW: Yes, you're attracting so called "psychos." But not the kind of man you really want. The guy you really want is out there having dinner with your sparkly eyed competition...
Author iris219 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Well, you will insist on living in hickville, or wherever it is. Exactly! You complain about the local offerings, yet refuse to move. One of the reasons I moved out of the hick town I grew up in was to find better friend, career, and romantic prospects. One of my favorite things about living in a big city is that there's such a wide variety of interesting people here. Sounds like you need to widen your net SOMEHOW. Consider dating people in nearby cities, travel more, something. Guys, I don't live in a hick town! I live in an artsy, progressive, liberal city. It's just small. I love it here; I love my job and my friends. What if I moved (which I can't. It's hard to find positions in my field) and I hated the new city and never went out because I didn't know anyone? I would be miserable. Right now I have a good quality of life overall. I'm just going to focus on and be grateful for what I have and not worry about dating right now. OLD isn't something I can get excited about. I will attempt to conjure up some good men with the power of positive thought. Even if that doesn't happen, it would benefit me to be more positive. And I'm only going to accept dates from men who I see potential with. The guy you really want is out there having dinner with your sparkly eyed competition... The guy I want is home with his children and his wife who he met sophomore year in college.
jobaba Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 The guy I want is home with his children and his wife who he met sophomore year in college. Lusting after a guy who has been with same woman for 10 years and is happily married with kids? Yo. Not to be harsh, but that is horrid. Ok. I will be harsh. It is horrible.
Author iris219 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Lusting after a guy who has been with same woman for 10 years and is happily married with kids? Yo. Not to be harsh, but that is horrid. Ok. I will be harsh. It is horrible. Huh? Do you think I have a particular man in mind? I just assume that's where the kind of guy I would be compatible with is at. I'm not lusting after anyone at all, period.
Emilia Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 And I'm only going to accept dates from men who I see potential with. Exactly. Those that complain about feeling jaded because they go on a date with any Tom, Dick and Harry should take a leaf out of your book
RedRobin Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Iris, as you know... I'm in a similar boat as you... living in a relatively small town with few prospects and not fond of OLD. I'm going to agree with a few things mentioned by other posters... you must try to find a way to make dating a more positive experience for yourself... I did that, and can honestly say I'm having more fun dating now than I ever have... and attracting lots of men. You CAN incorporate meeting men into your daily life. All of the dates I've gone on recently were gotten by meeting men when I was out and about. Sure, some of them were way off the charts in not being compatible... but the others were decent, respectful men. Not 'losers' at all. Overall, I'd say my outcomes have been improving a great deal though... Even my friends have commented on how much more pleasant I am to be around... although, that probably came from ditching a horrible job I really did hate... and other life-changes I've made... not just the change in attitude about dating.
irc333 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I feel your pain, I've had a match account for over a year that I have never taken live. I log-in every now and then and see who is out there in my small city, and I'm always dismayed by what I find. I'm either not physically attracted to them, or I'm not socially attracted to them. I have pretty much decided that I need to move because I'm topped out at work, & I have zero dating prospects. Yeah, if you live in a relatively small community, you're kinda screwed. LOL I'm living in such a community, though sometimes a "NEW" face trickles in once in a while on the dating site.....it's ONLY because they've JUST moved here and realized they are in the SAME predicament as I AM! 1. Elderly 2. If they're single, (Insert "you might be a redneck joke here). Bunch of toothless freaks 3. The normal, decent looking folks married just out of high school to people they've gone to the prom with. LOL If I ever see a beautiful woman out shopping, she's either married or the boyfriend is JUST in the next aisle. Beautiful woman in small town = already spoken for. Solution, just do what I do and commute to the closest major metropolitan city...that's, spend your life commuting an hour to locations to meet singles in the big city, that is if you have a car with pretty decent gas milage. OR just pick up your roots, and relocate.
irc333 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Also, I did want to add....OF the women that I DO meet on here that are attractive to me (and doesn't look like 200+ pound variant of Larry the Cable Guy), it's kind of ironic...of those that I had emailed...they don't respond. I often think can they really afford to be picky if they're that geographically limited? In the old days, before the day of the automobile....people only married to those in that 1 town pretty much. LOL
bobsmith76 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 If I ever hope to get a date, it looks like I’m going to have to break down and try OLD. :laugh: I don’t feel comfortable doing the sites where anyone can see me because of my job. That means all the OLD sites are out except for Eharmony. I’ve looked at Match.com, OKC, and PoF, and I’m not missing anything by not being on there. OKC and PoF were especially frightening (as in the guys looked like convicts and couldn’t form sentences). I can review my matches for free on EH, so I figured I should do that before signing up. So far they’ve sent me a handful of matches, none from my city, and only one who I might consider going out with (even though he has a young child (I prefer older children), lives almost two hours away, and selected "maybe" when asked if he wanted children. Yeah, that was the best match. ). 1. Have you found that EH attracts higher quality people, or about the same as all the rest? 2. Anyone have any luck with EH? 3. Is it worth the price and the hassle of going through all the steps they require? I tried E-Harmony for about 3 months and I never got a date. Give OKC and Match.com a second chance. I don't like EH because they force you into these descriptive boxes that don't reflect who I really am. They give you these multiple choice questions and I can't choose any of them. Don't worry about other people seeing your profile online that are from your town. What's more important: finding the one, or what other people think of you. There is no shame in online dating. Everyone wants to find that special someone.
irc333 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I don't like EH because they force you into these descriptive boxes that don't reflect who I really am. They give you these multiple choice questions and I can't choose any of them I am not sure what you mean here, could you elaborate a bit more on E-harmony's weeding out process? Perhaps give some examples of the questions?
FitChick Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I just put up a profile again and checked to see if anyone had viewed it. Yes, what looked like a young lesbian tarted up with black bobbed hair, black rimmed eyes, red lipstick, strings of pearls and black lace gloves. 28 years old. It was a guy! He said he was looking for an older woman who wears "fully fashioned nylons" and likes dressing up in satin and lace "and turning heads when we go to the ballet."
bobsmith76 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 I am not sure what you mean here, could you elaborate a bit more on E-harmony's weeding out process? Perhaps give some examples of the questions? I forget what the exact questions where but it's something along the lines of what type of books do you read: a) sci-fi b) romance c) classics d) non fiction Well answering one of four does not give any idea of what I'm like, what my relationship to books is. It's that sort of process that I'm talking about.
FitChick Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Geez, another one: 29, tall, educated, good looking: So what am I looking for in my ideal match? Well clearly someone 'different' however these three things wouldn't go amiss... A sharp wit A beautiful mind And a good pair of boots I'm willing to bet he was "privately educated." I think that is how most Brits become kinky.
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