Sucking it up and trying OLD (maybe)

[Lonely Ronin]

Out of curiosity, how large is your city? Are there single women when you go out at night?

 

The entire metro area is about 250k, it's an hour to any city over 100K, and over 2-1/2 hours to a major city.

 

My city has a few issues.

1. the townie demographic is heavily skewed towards the late 40's early 50's

2. It has a major university (60K students), so night life is heavily skewed towards people in their early 20's.

3. The mid 20's to mid 30's demographic is transient. People move here from a major city to work for a few years and gain experience and then move away.

 

I do see a lot of single women when I go out, but most seem to be hipster, grunge, or clubbers, and I'm not into those life styles. My female friends say I'm to picky....

[kaylan]

This is not a knock on people who use OLD, sometimes successfully, because even I have an on again/off again relationship with it, but really, when you break it down, what kind of quality do you expect to find online?

 

If we're talking about high quality people who are on there because work takes up the bulk of their free time and they have no time to go out and find people, that's a very small percentage.

 

The bulk of OLD is made up of attention whores looking for an ego boost, good looking guys just looking for easy lays to bulk up their numbers, people who priced themselves out of the market by rejecting people in their range and having unrealistic expectations, desperate people, people with poor social lives/social skills who are too shy/nervous to go out and find people in person or don't know many people in person.

 

The list goes on and on.

^False.

 

Online dating is like any other venue. It has all kinds of people that cant be lumped into limiting categories.

 

Ive seen all kinds of people online, and we all know that almost everyone uses the internet. People need to get with the times. There shouldnt be this childish stigma still attached to online dating.

 

Everything else in the world is connected to the internet, yet somehow people who use the internet to date get thrown into shaming categories. Really now?

Add in the fact you can edit your criteria to very specific markings, from income to height, to ethnicity, many quality people are being overlooked.

 

The girls I've scored in real life would have never given my profile a second look.

 

No matter who you are, or what you look like, your success will always be better in person. Your personality can carry you if you meet the right one, your personality cannot carry you in OLD no matter how unique and witty you think your profile is.

 

If you're not exceptionally good looking, online dating, for the most part, is a waste of time.

Ill agree with this part. Because online dating can make dating like shopping, people will be pickier, especially since personality and even physical attraction wont shine through the same online.

 

There are girls Ive been super attracted to who Im sure I may have just clicked over if they had some bland profile with no so good pics.

 

I dont think people need to be super good looking either. Just cute and in shape.

Edited July 20, 2012 by kaylan

[iris219]

The entire metro area is about 250k, it's an hour to any city over 100K, and over 2-1/2 hours to a major city.

 

My city has a few issues.

1. the townie demographic is heavily skewed towards the late 40's early 50's

2. It has a major university (60K students), so night life is heavily skewed towards people in their early 20's.

3. The mid 20's to mid 30's demographic is transient. People move here from a major city to work for a few years and gain experience and then move away.

 

I do see a lot of single women when I go out, but most seem to be hipster, grunge, or clubbers, and I'm not into those life styles. My female friends say I'm to picky....

 

Your city is much larger than mine. My city has about 100K, and the largest major city is over 2 hours away.

 

My town is very similar: lots of college kids and lots of older people. There's no major companies or industries here, so people generally move after college to find a job. Good jobs are hard to find here, so there are very few young professionals (I got lucky with my job).

 

Maybe try the hipsters? I don't mind hipsters (as long as they aren't smokers, which a lot in my town are), but here "hipster" really just means "artistic" (or pseudo-artistic). I'm not sure what it means there.

 

If you want to find someone you're attracted to and who you have an emotional connection with, then, no, you aren't too picky.

[somedude81]

It just didn't work out for me. I've only had 4 relationships (I'm including my HS BF here). They all lasted from 1 year to 5 years. I haven't dated much at all.

You've "only" had four long term relationships ranging from 1 year to 5 years?

 

If you don't mind me asking, how many years of your life were spent in a relationship?

 

Even if you had one 5 year relationship and three 1 year relationships, that's still dating for 8 years.

 

 

 

[quoteYour city is much larger than mine. My city has about 100K, and the largest major city is over 2 hours away.

 

My town is very similar: lots of college kids and lots of older people. There's no major companies or industries here, so people generally move after college to find a job. Good jobs are hard to find here, so there are very few young professionals (I got lucky with my job).

That's what I figured.

 

You live in a small college town and the nearest big city is pretty far.

 

Yeah things might be a bit hard for you.

[iris219]

You've "only" had four long term relationships ranging from 1 year to 5 years?

 

If you don't mind me asking, how many years of your life were spent in a relationship?

 

Even if you had one 5 year relationship and three 1 year relationships, that's still dating for 8 years.

 

I meant I don't have much dating experience, meaning going on dates with different people. Yes, I have relationship experience, but not dating experience.

 

You live in a small college town and the nearest big city is pretty far.

 

Yeah things might be a bit hard for you.

 

Lord, it's a Christmas miracle! Somedude just admitted dating might be hard for some women!

[Lonely Ronin]

Maybe try the hipsters? I don't mind hipsters (as long as they aren't smokers, which a lot in my town are), but here "hipster" really just means "artistic" (or pseudo-artistic). I'm not sure what it means there.

 

Urban Dictionary: hipster

 

Take urban dictionary's #1 definition and add blaming the rich or conservatives for all of societies problems & you will have a hipster from my area.

 

 

If you want to find someone you're attracted to and who you have an emotional connection with, then, no, you aren't too picky.

 

This is pretty much how I feel, and no one is going to change my mind.

[Lonely Ronin]

Lord, it's a Christmas miracle! Somedude just admitted dating might be hard for some women!

 

 

He walked into that One..

[somedude81]

I meant I don't have much dating experience, meaning going on dates with different people. Yes, I have relationship experience, but not dating experience.

Ah, that's different then.

 

But it's probably not a bad thing. Would you feel jealous of a woman who has dated a lot of guys, and had quite a few short term things, but was never in a real relationship?

 

Lord, it's a Christmas miracle! Somedude just admitted dating might be hard for some women!

Don't get too excited. I'll find a way to Scrooge it up.

 

You're in a college down so there is bound to be a ton of 18-23 year old guys who are single. So you do have options.

 

Told you I'd do it

[jobaba]

It just didn't work out for me. I've only had 4 relationships (I'm including my HS BF here). They all lasted from 1 year to 5 years. I haven't dated much at all.

 

Why didn't you snag a girl in your 20s. What's your excuse?

 

Snag?

 

I could barely get a date in my 20s. My excuse is probably that most women aren't physically attracted to me.

 

It's harder in your 30s. Most of my male friends who represent a 'decent catch' are taken. Those who are tall, good looking, have semi-decent jobs and are good guys. Even the ones who aren't good guys. So, it's a lot easier to grab that in your 20s.

 

In my mid 30s, even the ones who aren't tall and good looking are starting to fall of the shelves pretty quick.

 

I'm not really worried about it though. I don't want kids and I really don't care about looks much, so I should be able to find what I want.

 

Good luck.

Edited July 20, 2012 by jobaba

[MrCastle]

^False.

 

Online dating is like any other venue. It has all kinds of people that cant be lumped into limiting categories.

 

Ive seen all kinds of people online, and we all know that almost everyone uses the internet. People need to get with the times. There shouldnt be this childish stigma still attached to online dating.

 

There will always be a stigma attached to online dating. Firstly you're taking a risk the person is who they say they are. How many people meet up in person only to see their date is shorter, fatter, older, less attractive in person?

 

You can lie in your profile much easier than you can get away with a lie in real life.

 

Online dating will never shake that, no matter how much we progress technologically.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yay! I think you'll be glad you did it. Just be smart, and you'll be fine.

 

I just got on online dating for the first time a few months ago, and I'm quite pleased with the results so far. Honestly, I was expecting it to be a disaster, or not to meet anyone who was even close to a match - but I've been pleasantly surprised.

 

I've been dating a guy I met on OLD for just over a month, and he's pretty great. I probably never would have met him the old-fashioned way. We're both brainy, introverted, and would rather hang out at the library than the bar. However things work out with him, I'm pleased we've met and gotten to know each other.

 

Also, I have a good friend who's engaged to a great guy she met on Match. And a friend of hers is in a good long-term relationship with a guy she met through The Onion personals.

 

Good luck!

[iris219]

Yay! I think you'll be glad you did it. Just be smart, and you'll be fine.

 

I just got on online dating for the first time a few months ago, and I'm quite pleased with the results so far. Honestly, I was expecting it to be a disaster, or not to meet anyone who was even close to a match - but I've been pleasantly surprised.

 

I've been dating a guy I met on OLD for just over a month, and he's pretty great. I probably never would have met him the old-fashioned way. We're both brainy, introverted, and would rather hang out at the library than the bar. However things work out with him, I'm pleased we've met and gotten to know each other.

 

Also, I have a good friend who's engaged to a great guy she met on Match. And a friend of hers is in a good long-term relationship with a guy she met through The Onion personals.

 

Good luck!

 

So glad to hear things are going well for you!

[iris219]

My matches keep coming in and there are several guys I know and one I went on a couple dates with years ago. Small towns suck for this reason. I saw my ex out with a girl last night (damn you small town!), which was difficult. It made me realize I need to be more proactive about dating. I still haven’t signed up (matches are free) or even posted pictures yet, but I guess I will, soon.

 

Honestly, I’m not looking forward to dating strangers. I don’t enjoy dating. The only scenarios I wouldn’t regret are 1. I meet someone and it leads to marriage 2. I meet someone and we end up good friends. I have no desire to date anyone casually or do a short-term thing. I get nothing from hanging out with a guy a few times. It’s a chore. I don’t understand how or why some people enjoy dating.

 

I have to get in a better mood about this. Imagining my ex with that girl is propelling me forward, but I wish I had more internal motivation.

 

I hate doing things I don’t want to do; it makes me resentful. This is not how my life was supposed to turn out. I am not supposed to be 33 and single. I am supposed to be happily married with children like other women my age, not considering OLD. I’m not supposed to get upset just because I see an ex out with someone. I’m disappointed in myself for feeling anything when I see him. Seeing my ex last night is causing me to be more emotional than I typically am, but I’m considering therapy to help me deal with all my conflicted emotions.

 

Does anyone feel like the universe is against them? I feel like I’m not meant to be truly happy. No matter what I do, good things don’t come my way. Yes, I'm having a pity party today!

 

I’m getting ready to go to yoga and get coffee with a friend afterwards, so hopefully I’ll feel better after that.

[somedude81]

I hate doing things I don’t want to do; it makes me resentful. This is not how my life was supposed to turn out. I am not supposed to be 33 and single. I am supposed to be happily married with children like other women my age, not considering OLD. I’m not supposed to get upset just because I see an ex out with someone. I’m disappointed in myself for feeling anything when I see him. Seeing my ex last night is causing me to be more emotional than I typically am, but I’m considering therapy to help me deal with all my conflicted emotions.

 

Does anyone feel like the universe is against them? I feel like I’m not meant to be truly happy. No matter what I do, good things don’t come my way. Yes, I'm having a pity party today!

I'll bring the cake. What kind do you like?

 

You know that post I made about choices a while ago that every woman seemed to hate?

 

I'll leave it at that because I know your upset.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I have met tons of men through OKC. It is the best one I have used yet without having to pay

[Ruby Slippers]

you have to have a good attitude too. if you don't look forward to a new opportunity it's not going to happen for you. your post right here came off as glass half empty.

I agree. I've always believed that whatever energy you're generating in your own life is the same energy you will attract from all sides. Now that I'm living it in my dating life, this theory is being confirmed big time.

 

I'm more confident and have a better attitude toward romance than I ever have before. My attitude is that I'm looking to meet a cool guy and then get to know him and find out if we're a good match and there's potential for more. I'm not in a rush, and I'm choosing carefully. If someone isn't a good match, I let him go with no hard feelings. My eyes and heart are open.

 

And suddenly, I'm meeting cool men again - men with real potential. Not only are better matches coming through on OLD, but I'm meeting cool guys out and about. Just last night, I met this very cool guy at a cocktail party for one of my clients. We spent the last hour of the party having amazing conversation non-stop. I told him I've been dating someone for a month, but would be open to going on a date with him if things don't work out with this guy, and gave him my number. The guy I'm seeing is cool, but certain things are making me wonder if we're a match (he's quite conservative, and doesn't have much relationship experience, so that's causing some interference). Because I'm meeting so many cool guys now, it's a lot easier to move on if I figure out it's not going anywhere.

 

I think you need to work on improving your outlook on romance, and that will dramatically improve your results.

[iris219]

I'll bring the cake. What kind do you like?

 

You know that post I made about choices a while ago that every woman seemed to hate?

 

I'll leave it at that because I know your upset.

 

German chocolate.

 

I'm not sure which post are you referring to.

 

I agree. I've always believed that whatever energy you're generating in your own life is the same energy you will attract from all sides. Now that I'm living it in my dating life, this theory is being confirmed big time.

 

I'm more confident and have a better attitude toward romance than I ever have before. My attitude is that I'm looking to meet a cool guy and then get to know him and find out if we're a good match and there's potential for more. I'm not in a rush, and I'm choosing carefully. If someone isn't a good match, I let him go with no hard feelings. My eyes and heart are open.

 

And suddenly, I'm meeting cool men again - men with real potential. Not only are better matches coming through on OLD, but I'm meeting cool guys out and about. Just last night, I met this very cool guy at a cocktail party for one of my clients. We spent the last hour of the party having amazing conversation non-stop. I told him I've been dating someone for a month, but would be open to going on a date with him if things don't work out with this guy, and gave him my number. The guy I'm seeing is cool, but certain things are making me wonder if we're a match (he's quite conservative, and doesn't have much relationship experience, so that's causing some interference). Because I'm meeting so many cool guys now, it's a lot easier to move on if I figure out it's not going anywhere.

 

I think you need to work on improving your outlook on romance, and that will dramatically improve your results.

 

I try to be positive, but the reality of my situation makes it difficult. I’m not meeting awesome people like you! I haven’t met anyone awesome in many years, so I don’t know how to be entirely positive given the circumstances.

 

The men I’ve met over the years have been horrible. I think they’re like this because they can get away with it since there are so few single men (and lots of attractive women) in my area. It’s pretty bad that my ex, who is a complete jerk, is one of the better options in town because he’s attractive, smart, talented, and has a good job. That’s more than the most of the other jerks have.

 

Example: Last night I met a guy whom I had some things in common with and he was close to age appropriate (12 years older, but that’s OK with me), but he was annoying and pervy. He kept talking about all the hot women he runs across. And by “talking” I mean gushing and giving details. We both participate in a specific activity and he asked me if I wanted to go with him some time. Why would I want to go after he told how “hot the chicks are” there? When I said no, thanks, he started trying to talk to my friend. I’ve met/went on dates with worse in the past because I figure I can’t be picky, but I have little patience at this point.

 

I'm afraid OLD might make me MORE jaded since the quality of men in my town is far from outstanding. I know, that's negative too! I wish something good would happen so that it will restore some of my positivity.

[Lonely Ronin]

I'm afraid OLD might make me MORE jaded since the quality of men in my town is far from outstanding. I know, that's negative too! I wish something good would happen so that it will restore some of my positivity.

 

I don't think it's negative at all, you know what you want and you know what's available. The only thing you can do is hold out for the right guy.

[kaylan]

There will always be a stigma attached to online dating. Firstly you're taking a risk the person is who they say they are. How many people meet up in person only to see their date is shorter, fatter, older, less attractive in person?

 

You can lie in your profile much easier than you can get away with a lie in real life.

 

Online dating will never shake that, no matter how much we progress technologically.

I dont think we can say with certainty that there will always be a stigma with online dating. Time will tell, because theres definitely less stigma then there was several years ago, and OLD has become very popular.

 

I do agree the bait and switch risk is very much there....but thats what you have to deal with on the internet. People can lie about anything regarding anything.

 

But its not like people dont lie and fake who they are offline as well.

[Emilia]

I saw my ex out with a girl last night (damn you small town!), which was difficult. It made me realize I need to be more proactive about dating. I still haven’t signed up (matches are free) or even posted pictures yet, but I guess I will, soon.

Honestly, I’m not looking forward to dating strangers. I don’t enjoy dating. The only scenarios I wouldn’t regret are 1. I meet someone and it leads to marriage 2. I meet someone and we end up good friends. I have no desire to date anyone casually or do a short-term thing. I get nothing from hanging out with a guy a few times. It’s a chore. I don’t understand how or why some people enjoy dating.

 

I have to get in a better mood about this. Imagining my ex with that girl is propelling me forward, but I wish I had more internal motivation.

I hate doing things I don’t want to do; it makes me resentful. This is not how my life was supposed to turn out. I am not supposed to be 33 and single. I am supposed to be happily married with children like other women my age, not considering OLD. I’m not supposed to get upset just because I see an ex out with someone. I’m disappointed in myself for feeling anything when I see him. Seeing my ex last night is causing me to be more emotional than I typically am, but I’m considering therapy to help me deal with all my conflicted emotions.

Does anyone feel like the universe is against them? I feel like I’m not meant to be truly happy. No matter what I do, good things don’t come my way. Yes, I'm having a pity party today!

 

I'd say reading your past threads about how apparently single men in your area don't exist and the bolded text above, you are not ready to date. Clearly you are forcing yourself to do something you don't really want to do. You need to find out the reason within yourself why you are not ready to give it a chance when apparently you want a family. My guess is that you will be posting here in 3 months time about how there isn't a single suitable guy online.

[oaks]

I have to get in a better mood about this. Imagining my ex with that girl is propelling me forward, but I wish I had more internal motivation.

 

I hate doing things I don’t want to do; it makes me resentful. This is not how my life was supposed to turn out. I am not supposed to be 33 and single. I am supposed to be happily married with children like other women my age, not considering OLD. I’m not supposed to get upset just because I see an ex out with someone. I’m disappointed in myself for feeling anything when I see him. Seeing my ex last night is causing me to be more emotional than I typically am, but I’m considering therapy to help me deal with all my conflicted emotions.

 

Why do you want to date?

 

I know I've only quoted part of what you wrote... but it sounds (partly) like you want to date because your ex is dating, and it sounds like you're not over him. Sorry for telling you what you already know.

[iris219]

I'd say reading your past threads about how apparently single men in your area don't exist and the bolded text above, you are not ready to date. Clearly you are forcing yourself to do something you don't really want to do. You need to find out the reason within yourself why you are not ready to give it a chance when apparently you want a family. My guess is that you will be posting here in 3 months time about how there isn't a single suitable guy online.

 

Why do you want to date?

 

I know I've only quoted part of what you wrote... but it sounds (partly) like you want to date because your ex is dating, and it sounds like you're not over him. Sorry for telling you what you already know.

 

I very much want to be in a relationship, so I do want to date. I don’t, however, want to date men I don’t like; I also don’t want to waste time with men who are losers. (I liked the guy I dated in March, but he was drug addict who couldn’t get his life together.)

 

In the past I have forced myself to go on dates and it was painful. I was accepting dates from anyone who asked. There was nothing endearing about these men. It wasn’t a case of “we’re not right for each other.” That would be fine and possibly pleasant. The guys were mostly awful.

 

I wish my ex could be a different person (a normal person) so that we could be together, not because I’m in love with him, but because it would be easier to be with him since I already know him and like certain aspects rather than trying to meet someone else. I’m not jealous that he‘s dating. I’m envious that he found someone to go out with and he’s impossible to deal with, while I’m enjoyable to be around and I can’t find anyone.

 

I’m jaded because nothing good happens to me when it comes to dating. It's very possible I would come back here and complain that there's no one suitable on OLD, but it wouldn't be a case of it not working because we are too different or we aren't attracted to each other. It would be because I seem to attract losers, addicts, and crazy people (and I'm none of these things). I'm nervous about dating for that reason.

[oaks]

I very much want to be in a relationship, so I do want to date.

 

This is a great reason to want to date.

 

Not sure what to suggest, other than to keep your chin up. Good luck!

[Bristolius]

I'm not trying to be mean, but I've noticed some things in your posts.

 

You describe people as being losers. Being awful, being horrible. Then you write about quality men and good quality men.

 

This stands out to me because I don't think this way or use language this way. I don't categorize people this way. Neither do my friends. Lots of people don't.

 

 

It may be common but it seems dichotomous, inaccurate, and judgmental.

 

 

Maybe this is making things harder for you; maybe it's not. Just my two cents.

[iris219]

I'm not trying to be mean, but I've noticed some things in your posts.

 

You describe people as being losers. Being awful, being horrible. Then you write about quality men and good quality men.

 

This stands out to me because I don't think this way or use language this way. I don't categorize people this way. Neither do my friends. Lots of people don't.

 

 

It may be common but it seems dichotomous, inaccurate, and judgmental.

 

 

Maybe this is making things harder for you; maybe it's not. Just my two cents.

 

"Loser" is a simplistic way to describe the guys I meet without going into too much unnecessary detail. Rude might be a better way. Selfish could work as well. Or maybe just weird. I'm so frustrated with the behavior exhibited.

 

When a man prefaces a date with "I'm not going to remember any of this next time we talk" and proceeds to get falling down drunk and we have to get a cab because he can't drive me home, that's crazy behavior. This was 40 year old man with a high profile job.

 

When you insult my house, my neighborhood, and my dog (all of which are cute, btw!) before the date even starts, and than you talk about nothing but your therapy sessions the entire date, that's weird (and rude).

 

When on a date you tell me about all the hot women you've banged, that's inappropriate.

 

Don't tell me on a first date you have a large penis. Why would anyone do this?

 

Or the guy who picked me up for dinner and said he wasn't eating. Um...so I'm going to eat by myself? When we get there, he realizes they have really cheap specials and is suddenly excited about eating. I told him he didn't have to pay me and apparently that wasn't the issue. He wasn't planning on it; he didn't even have money to pay for himself (aside from a $1 taco). He admitted he was completely broke and that he had a lot debt.

 

The most recent guy was a drug addict.

 

I could go on. I'm cursed.