OWENRICH Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Please help I do not know what to do. Last night my wife said she wants a divorce and I Dont. I think we can save it but she says she loves me but is no longer attracted to me and hasnt been for a long time. We have a 3 year old son who is my life and soul and i do not want to give him up nor her. I think she is sleeping with someone else but she denies it. she also wants me to leave the house and support her still as she has no income herself. i say she could go to one of her parents houses and stay there for a while to think about things but i want our son to stay with me. she refuses. What do i do? if it is over then how do I keep my child. how do i find a good lawyer or do i need one? whould i tell her parrents that she wants a divorce? They already know that she is not happy and has been not doing things she should be. i need major advice. I went to see a counsler this week and she did too but she says talking to a counsler isnt going to change how she feels. she now refuses to see a counsler together as she thinks it is not worth it.
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 she also wants me to leave the house and support her still as she has no income herself. You stay put and hold your ground. If you leave your residence, your wife can turn around and get you for "abandonment" regardless of whether she requested that you leave or not. The lawyer will see this as plausible grounds for divorce. If your wife wants to end your marriage, then she'll have to flip the $75.00 consultation fee for a lawyer. The attorney will ask her reasons, and unless she has a very good premise for wanting to end your marriage he'll either recommend counseling or suggest a legal separation for a period of one to two years (depending on the laws in your state). Immediate divorces are only granted in the event that BOTH spouses mutually agree (uncontested)…or in the event that she can prove adultery, abandonment, chemical and/or physical abuse. Either way, you'll have to agree to the terms and conditions of the separation/divorce and SIGN the papers first. If she brings home a separation agreement, consult an attorney of your own before you put your signature on anything! If you are not happy with the terms, you certainly DON'T have to sign. The attorney will ask her for a tally of your financial and property assets. This will include the equity in your property, the total sum of all your bank accounts (hers and yours), the value of any stock, IRAs, insurance policies and so forth. They usually look at the numbers and split everything down the middle. But for your wife to receive alimony or "spousal support" they will take into consideration many factors. First---how long you have been married. Usually, it is only granted in cases where the wife has been a stay-at-home mother for a total of ten or more years. If you have only been married for a few years, her chances of getting spousal support are next to none. Even if you've been married ten years or more, the lawyer will recommend that your wife find employment before meeting with the magistrate to finalize the divorce. The court will want to see that she is at least making an attempt to support herself before granting her any additional income. Child support is rewarded to the custodial parent. While most courts prefer that children remain with their mothers, unless she can prove that you are an unfit father, you can petition for primary custody of your son…and SHE would have to pay YOU child support. The courts prefer that children remain in their home, so which ever parent is granted custodial rights may also remain in the primary home if they choose to do so. Again, you do not have to leave your home just because she requested it. Instead, wait to see whether or not she files for a separation…then contact your OWN attorney immediately to advise you of your rights. Good luck, and please try not to panic and do anything that might put you at a disadvantage until you have sought legal consultation.
Author OWENRICH Posted July 9, 2004 Author Posted July 9, 2004 Thanks for the advice my wife is driving me crazy since i dont know whats going through her mind and she wont really talk except that she doesnt want to be together anymore. since she is out of a divorced family as a young child and it is still effecting her since her mom and dad dont get along i would think she would want to try anything and everything to save our marriage. she wont even try now. she says she has been trying for 5 years (we are for married 5 years) and nothing has worked but as far as i know she hasnt tried. all she has done is sit in the house and take care of our son. i truly believe the love can be found agian in almost any marriage but both sides have to want it. If anyone knows how I should proceed help help help!!!!! this should be a long week end. her parrents both know bassically whats been going on through me and agree she is being silly and should try anything and everything. Richard
Matilda Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Richard, Calling your wife's concerns silly, and saying she doesn't do anything but sit in the house, may be part of the problem. This is just a guess, but I bet she feels you are not listening to her and responding to her needs. I think it's time to start thinking about what you may have been doing wrong in the marrriage, and not just what she has been doing wrong. Obviously, she is unhappy about something. Tell her she owes it to you and to your son, to tell you why she is unhappy.
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