neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 MY CASE = PROTECTIVE ORDER ( Hearing on July 30th 2012 ) Girlfriend's Claims: Scared to be around me and that I have been threatening her Her Facts: 1.) she got all 4 of our teenagers to say that I have been mean to her, threatening and so on. 2.) Judge awarded the temporary restraining order ( until the actual hearing on the 30th of July) based upon the kid's testimonies of arguing and threatening, and also because she went to the women's shelter 3 different times within the last year and documented the threats. Even though these allegations are just heresay, the judge allowed the temporary restraining order it via a "preponderance" of evidence. This is the way a woman can "thread the needle" technically, to get a man put out of the house without and actual documented crime or harm. It's VERY UNFAIR. My Facts: 1.) I have this video : [COLOR=#990000]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJGBoncjlU4[/COLOR] 2.) She did NOT get me thrown out because she was scared of me.She got me thrown out because I wanted my son to move out of the house because I could not get him or any of my teenagers to mind, and because I wanted him out, she took revenge and got me put out through saying she was scared of me. 3.) I have a police report where I called them out 13 times in one year to prevent the violence and escalation. Of the 13 times they were called out, there was NEVER enough violence or anything to document in ANY report. 4.) I have a time-stamped text message that I sent to everyone in the family ( 9 days before I got put out) telling them that we need to be more peaceful and loving to each other and they all ignored it. FINAL NOTES: Nobody EVER hit anyone........NO CRIMINAL CHARGES FILED. NOW IM FACING EVICTION on the 30th. So my question is: *****Do I play OFFENSE OR DEFENSE? Do I show this video ( above ) to the court to counter her allegations of my character? ***** Or do I just go in there with the heart of Jesus and Do nothing? Am I shooting myself in the foot by showing the CHAOS no matter who is at fault? ***** I do NOT want to get evicted and feel totally "ganged up on" by this mess. I feel like even if I show the judge the above video, and it proves her temperamental character ( along with everyone else in the house ), it will do nothing but freak the judge out and make her put someone out anyway VIA THE SOLE INTENT OF A PROTECTIVE ORDER IS TO KEEP PEOPLE SAFE. Please chime in with your thoughts. Thanks.
Minnie09 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 You sound like a passive-aggressive jerk in that video. Sounds like she's been dealing with a lot of disappointments in this relationship that have never been addressed and resolved, hence the resentment turning into yelling and aggression on her part. You don't take her seriously at all. That would drive anybody nuts. Doesn't excuse the yelling and abusive language, but she sounds like she's lost all respect for you for a number of reasons. I don't know if a restraining order is justified. If she went to the woman's shelter THREE times, the judge will draw his conclusions. Nobody goes there for no reason. Whatever the outcome, try to find your own place. I think you'll both live better without each other.
BetrayedH Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 MY CASE = PROTECTIVE ORDER ( Hearing on July 30th 2012 ) Girlfriend's Claims: Scared to be around me and that I have been threatening her Her Facts: 1.) she got all 4 of our teenagers to say that I have been mean to her, threatening and so on. 2.) Judge awarded the temporary restraining order ( until the actual hearing on the 30th of July) based upon the kid's testimonies of arguing and threatening, and also because she went to the women's shelter 3 different times within the last year and documented the threats. Even though these allegations are just heresay, the judge allowed the temporary restraining order it via a "preponderance" of evidence. This is the way a woman can "thread the needle" technically, to get a man put out of the house without and actual documented crime or harm. It's VERY UNFAIR. My Facts: 1.) I have this video : [COLOR=#990000]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJGBoncjlU4[/COLOR] 2.) She did NOT get me thrown out because she was scared of me.She got me thrown out because I wanted my son to move out of the house because I could not get him or any of my teenagers to mind, and because I wanted him out, she took revenge and got me put out through saying she was scared of me. 3.) I have a police report where I called them out 13 times in one year to prevent the violence and escalation. Of the 13 times they were called out, there was NEVER enough violence or anything to document in ANY report. 4.) I have a time-stamped text message that I sent to everyone in the family ( 9 days before I got put out) telling them that we need to be more peaceful and loving to each other and they all ignored it. FINAL NOTES: Nobody EVER hit anyone........NO CRIMINAL CHARGES FILED. NOW IM FACING EVICTION on the 30th. So my question is: *****Do I play OFFENSE OR DEFENSE? Do I show this video ( above ) to the court to counter her allegations of my character? ***** Or do I just go in there with the heart of Jesus and Do nothing? Am I shooting myself in the foot by showing the CHAOS no matter who is at fault? ***** I do NOT want to get evicted and feel totally "ganged up on" by this mess. I feel like even if I show the judge the above video, and it proves her temperamental character ( along with everyone else in the house ), it will do nothing but freak the judge out and make her put someone out anyway VIA THE SOLE INTENT OF A PROTECTIVE ORDER IS TO KEEP PEOPLE SAFE. Please chime in with your thoughts. Thanks. A few thoughts (and I am not an expert, just a regular joe with an outside opinion)... Your best defense is that there has been no physical violence. Your video doesn't tell me much of anything. I see a typical family argument over a glass of milk. Otherwise, I do hear Tina acting like a lunatic and you being calm, which is easy to do since you are obviously not going to document yourself being irrational. That said, some of the audio of her will clearly show that this isn't a one-sided problem. The fact that all four teenagers say there is a problem is going to be pretty convincing (and obviously has been convincing). Calling the cops out 13 times makes you sound like a nut, especially if it never once escalated to violence. My advice...(1) Get an attorney to tell you something better than what a random joe on the internet says (2) Focus on being a parent. Don't be a part of te problem. Don't contribute to the drama; solve it. Separate people untilthey calm down. Lead by example. Take charge of calming the family, not by standing there documenting it. (3) When it comes to court, be calm and non-accusatory of anyone. Admit you need help in solving your family's problems and be willing to do whatever the court orders to get there. If you are ordered to leave, do it and do it gracefully. Show some class and lead this family by the example you set. Forget the freakin' details. Focus on the big picture. This family need to heal and as the father figure, they ALL look to you to be the solution. Right now I suspect that you are as much a part of the problem as the rest of them. Fix that. Good luck.
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 I admit. I am just as mch part of the problem as everyone else is, but I have SOLID proof that I have tried to PREVENT Escalation buy calling the cops, tried to send everyone in the family a text message of peace and potential sharing of feelings to resolve this......and they TOOK no interest. If you've seen the Kardashian show.. you've seen my kids. ARROGANT, selfish entitled.....and spoiled. This is a product of two parenting styles that has created a volatile distortion. And the kids choose her side because she spoils them, and has no idea what they do in their REAL LIVES. I DID. I am self employed and worked out of the house. So the "parent-style-distortion" grew and grew....and the resentment hit "critical mass". And here we are.
BetheButterfly Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 MY CASE = PROTECTIVE ORDER ( Hearing on July 30th 2012 ) Girlfriend's Claims: Scared to be around me and that I have been threatening her Her Facts: 1.) she got all 4 of our teenagers to say that I have been mean to her, threatening and so on. 2.) Judge awarded the temporary restraining order ( until the actual hearing on the 30th of July) based upon the kid's testimonies of arguing and threatening, and also because she went to the women's shelter 3 different times within the last year and documented the threats. Even though these allegations are just heresay, the judge allowed the temporary restraining order it via a "preponderance" of evidence. This is the way a woman can "thread the needle" technically, to get a man put out of the house without and actual documented crime or harm. It's VERY UNFAIR. My Facts: 2.) She did NOT get me thrown out because she was scared of me.She got me thrown out because I wanted my son to move out of the house because I could not get him or any of my teenagers to mind, and because I wanted him out, she took revenge and got me put out through saying she was scared of me. 3.) I have a police report where I called them out 13 times in one year to prevent the violence and escalation. Of the 13 times they were called out, there was NEVER enough violence or anything to document in ANY report. 4.) I have a time-stamped text message that I sent to everyone in the family ( 9 days before I got put out) telling them that we need to be more peaceful and loving to each other and they all ignored it. FINAL NOTES: Nobody EVER hit anyone........NO CRIMINAL CHARGES FILED. NOW IM FACING EVICTION on the 30th. So my question is: *****Do I play OFFENSE OR DEFENSE? Do I show this video ( above ) to the court to counter her allegations of my character? ***** Or do I just go in there with the heart of Jesus and Do nothing? Am I shooting myself in the foot by showing the CHAOS no matter who is at fault? ***** I do NOT want to get evicted and feel totally "ganged up on" by this mess. I feel like even if I show the judge the above video, and it proves her temperamental character ( along with everyone else in the house ), it will do nothing but freak the judge out and make her put someone out anyway VIA THE SOLE INTENT OF A PROTECTIVE ORDER IS TO KEEP PEOPLE SAFE. Please chime in with your thoughts. Thanks. I'm sorry about your situation. I would like to give some advice that you can take or leave. 1. I don't think it's the best to show strangers the faces of the people in your family, due to what is going on, so I think it's best if you ask moderators to remove the youtube link. 2. Offense more often than not just offends people. I think defense is better to "play" in this case, since it's not a game. 3. Always keep your calm. That's really hard to do, and it seems that most of the time, you have. Yes I think it would be good to go in there with the "heart of Jesus" and just show love. 4. From watching the youtube, I do think that the girls are going through hard times. When I was a teen up to my early 20s, I had issues with my sisters too. Sometimes it's really hard to learn to live together and be happy when people don't do or do what you'd rather them do otherwise. About fights, what always helped me and my 3 sisters is that our parents would take us to different sides of the house lol and ask our sides of the story in a calm manner. (My older sister and I would model this later on with our 2 younger sisters, each of us asking for their side of the story and then reuniting to come to a solution). They would then strive to find a solution, and would teach us about compromise. Compromise is really important, as well as learning how to care for others. Families are supposed to be a team, to protect and stand for each other. In your case, it might be a good idea to ask your children and wife to tell you in a kind way their "sides" of the story. Instead of arguing, listen. After listening, ask them what they would like from you, and then tell them what you would like (understanding? compromise?) from them. 5. I would advise to go quietly, don't fight the eviction. However, emphasize your love for your family and your willingness to see them and spend time with them, and your desire to be reunited. This is going to take awhile, but hopefully healing can happen, and instead of a family in turmoil, hopefully it will make the family stronger and communication better. I wish you the best and again, you can take or leave the advice. I'm not an expert. It's just what I personally have experienced,and yeah, sibling fights aren't fun. However, they can be learning experiences that help all involved grow. As for Tina cursing, maybe once she understands your love for her and if the relationship improves, you can tell her how her cursing does not help the relationship. Please don't ever curse at her, either as retaliation or starting something.
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I only posted the video because i am wondering if anyone else has been able to show a video like this in a courtroom. I have heard yes and no... yes and no. Im confused on if it is allowed. IT says in the court document to bring any voice messages....paperwork or ANYTHING that proves character.
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Also.....I am fighting the EVICTION because my credit sucks and It is going to be hard to find a decent place to stay that is not in the GHETTO.
BetheButterfly Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I admit. I am just as mch part of the problem as everyone else is, but I have SOLID proof that I have tried to PREVENT Escalation buy calling the cops, tried to send everyone in the family a text message of peace and potential sharing of feelings to resolve this......and they TOOK no interest. If you've seen the Kardashian show.. you've seen my kids. ARROGANT, selfish entitled.....and spoiled. This is a product of two parenting styles that has created a volatile distortion. And the kids choose her side because she spoils them, and has no idea what they do in their REAL LIVES. I DID. I am self employed and worked out of the house. So the "parent-style-distortion" grew and grew....and the resentment hit "critical mass". And here we are. Another advice to take or leave, Don't describe your children as the above, even if they are currently acting that way. The reason is because once you describe a person to their face in that regard, that person has the image of what you think about him/her in their head, and many times, it's becomes even more of a reality because they identify as that. It is interesting and sobering the studies done that show that kids often live up to the expectations/sayings the adults in their lives tell them. For example, there is a study about how kids who are called "stupid" often don't do as well academically, whereas kids who are called "intelligent" do much better. So, instead of describing them negatively, it would be a great idea to focus on their good points and their strengths, their unique talents and what makes each of them special. Then, encourage them and let them know how great they are, and show through example how to not be "selfish" or "arrogant." Kids are smart. They can pick up on things and learn through observation. One thing i love to see is that often kids who share and help those in need, do so because they have seen people they respect do so. So, it would also be cool to find a group of people, once your family is feeling more united, to hang out with, people who model a loving team with good communication. Just like team sports where a good team with great communication does so much better, so families with great communication can stand together and help each other, instead of hurt each other. Don't give up on your family!!! Don't get bitter. It'll take time to heal, but it can be done! Even if your wife and you divorce, y'all can still grow in having a good relationship, as well as you and your kids.
BetheButterfly Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I only posted the video because i am wondering if anyone else has been able to show a video like this in a courtroom. I have heard yes and no... yes and no. Im confused on if it is allowed. IT says in the court document to bring any voice messages....paperwork or ANYTHING that proves character. I am sorry but I have no idea. I don't see why it wouldn't be allowed...
BetheButterfly Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Also.....I am fighting the EVICTION because my credit sucks and It is going to be hard to find a decent place to stay that is not in the GHETTO. My husband and I don't have credit and yet are renting a place that isn't in the ghetto. If you look, you might find a good place. I don't know where you live, but looking won't hurt, I don't think. Hopefully it will only be a temporary stay anyways... paying month to month would be best, because hopefully soon, you can reunite with your family. I personally do not know what eviction of 1 member of a family entails, but if my husband and kid (right now my hubby's son is with his son's Mom) wanted me to leave, I would think it best not to fight their desire, but instead leave and see how to show them I love them and hope for reconciliation. Wouldn't it be better for your wife and children to welcome you with open arms than for you to fight your way to stay in an angry house with a negative atmosphere? 1
SoMovinOn Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Based on the video and your post, I would think you'd be more than happy to get out of there!
Author neeedtheinfo Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Thank you butterfly. I appreciate your "posture" in this. You have no idea how much.
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