CurlyIam Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 Like...ask her out for dinner and settle this? In or out? No more "oh, I miss you! oh, I miss you two!" ?!? You are (both of you) grown enough to decide where to go! So make her face the consequences of her deeds - which is stringing you along, and make her decide! By the way, if it's out, I strongly recommend you NC rule!!!! Curly
Author djones Posted July 14, 2004 Author Posted July 14, 2004 thanks, you are right I iwll ask her today
RoboHobo Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 All I can say is good luck. I hope this works out for the best for the both of you.
Author djones Posted July 14, 2004 Author Posted July 14, 2004 Thanks, I just scared to hear words that I dont want to hear you know what I mean?.....we never told each other that we loved each other. I dont know if I should tell her that I love her....since we broke up I have been sick (dry heaves once in a while) and just gerally sad, I came to the conclusion is that I love her,...I dont know if telling her would help the situation or make it worse....any help on this would be great guys
RoboHobo Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 I think that if you can tell her you love her with out putting pressure on her for a relationship it'll be fine. Don't forget that she needs the space that she asked you for. I'm sure you guys can work it out if you can respect that. Oh, I know what you mean about the sickness. Since my girlfriend broke up with me last week I have lost my appetite completely, I've only eaten 2 meals. Sometimes I get hungry and allow myself to eat but when I do I want to throw up and so can only eat a little at a time. In the mornings I have been nauseated, dry reaching, and this morning I actually vomited. What ever you do don't let her know this about you, and make sure she doesn't find out. That's a huge amount of unfair pressure to put on someone.
Author djones Posted July 14, 2004 Author Posted July 14, 2004 Thanks for the heads up on the sickness...I was going to tell her that i was feeling sick and I could not figure out what it was, and then say I came to my mind that it was b/c I love you (I mean her!!).....
Author djones Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 Hey Guys, heres and update to whats been happening with me and my ex....I did the no contact thing but she still e-mails me and I took my time to reply......when we e-mail its like nothing ever happend its like we are still together. well today she told me that her job is going to give her more responsiblity in a few months and her job remains the same for now....my question ot you guys should I ask her lets get back together b/c her job load will be like when we were together and lets work it out when the work load picks up later? I dotn know what to do....I was thinking of telling her this and see what she responds with, a) she could stick with her decision b) tell me that she wants to get back together or c) she could say that her job situation does not change her decision.....now if its c) then I would know that she did does not have feelings for me....I need help on this guys
CurlyIam Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 You're not asking her to have twins with you, are you? If not, then you are intittled to chose the way you spend your time with her. First decide if you are ok with her busy schedule and ok with seeing her rarely. It's a tough responsability to give a woman her time and space. Then you need to see if you're happy with the current situation: not lovers or friends. To see if you're okey with your giving more to this relationship (because you obviously are) and not get anything back. If you are, then you should continue to be her friend and her support. Mind you,it does imply lots of suffering, unshared feelings, frustration and time. If you're not, then you should tell her to choose. Unless she needs to work night and day,study hard and focuss continuosly on her research, this is not an outrageous demand. She is using you emotionally, so it's your right to want for things to change. As in to have a relationship with her or to stop seeing her. MHO: this is so not about time, but about commitment. She hinds behind her job! Maybe I'm wrong and I don't understand ... Anyway, you have my oppinion.
Author djones Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 hey Guys, I had a talk with her today she said she still feels that her situation has not changed and she does not wnat to get back together.....I still love her is there anything i can do...or just wait and see? I dont want anyone else but ehr ...I guess i have to wait...but she knows that I dont know if that prolongs it?
havNfun Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Like...ask her out for dinner and settle this? In or out? No more "oh, I miss you! oh, I miss you two!" ?!? You are (both of you) grown enough to decide where to go! So make her face the consequences of her deeds - which is stringing you along, and make her decide! please listen carefully or you will not only not get her back, but you will end up completely crushed and without self esteem if you don't!!! drJones, I feel for you. And I know what this lady is playing. Your only small chance of ever having her back - and only chance to walk away with any pride is to run. as fast as you can away from her. Asking her to dinner, or to make a choice, or to settle it like adults is the exact wrong thing to do. When a woman is in this state - any sort of pressure or pursuit is going to make her lose the last ounce of attraction and respect she has for you. I think she's a jerk and I would forget her out of your mind forever. But regardless, the only way you will ever have her wanting you and/or respecting you is if you turn and run - away from her - and cut off communication. don't be available - DON"T be around or answer your phone on weekends no matter what. NOTHING. harsh yes. BUT WHAT IS TO HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T TAKE MY ADVICE WILL BREAK YOUR HEART AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A FOOL AND MAKE HER THINK YOU ARE A FOOL. this was meant most sincerely to help you and I am most experienced and ultra wise in these matters. thanks
havNfun Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 I feel so passionately about your situation, I just had to clearify again: Only way this will work out well for you is by cutting communication completely. If you so much as call her once a week or once a month starting this second, she will not believe that you "moved on" and that it is no big deal to you. She will know that you are painstakingly playing a game and it won't work. this will take 100% dedication. I suggest you pretend like you are mad at her or that she has some outrageous growth growing out of each nostril (within your own mind that is). Something to lesson her growing importance in your mind. okay, I guess I've made myself clear, good luck
Author djones Posted July 19, 2004 Author Posted July 19, 2004 hi thanks for your advice, as much as I dont want to hear it, this may be the case....thanks again...boy love does suck
jw32802 Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 i SECOND THAT! DO NOT CONTACT. MAKE HER THINK YOU'VE MOVED ON THAT WILL SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF HER
Author djones Posted July 19, 2004 Author Posted July 19, 2004 sounds like a plan guys....actually I am moving and my phone and internet will be off for the rest of the week...I before this I was going to send out and e-maill to her letting her know...but I think i will just cancel that Idea....Guys thanks again....I still feel awfull, I dont eat much and I feel like there is a dark cloud over me....its not just b/c of her, in the last couple of weeks the same time she dumped me I have had a lot of oterh problems that all came up, ie health, money and school problems, and family
havNfun Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 hang in there. I've been there. a study at berkely not to long ago showed that a broken heart very similar to physical pain chemically. etc. It will hurt like hell. but get out with some of your pride and the pain will go away eventually. and a better person that values you more will come along.
Author djones Posted July 19, 2004 Author Posted July 19, 2004 Thanks, I just wierd, she broke up out of the blue and she was very caring and supportive of me, which confuses me and I dont think I can trust anyone anymore...It took me some time to open up to her, then this happend...I think that berkley report is true...I have some real as well as emotional...It like when will some thing good happen to me (i know I everyone has thier own horror stories) but in gerneral I have some real hard times and I just thought my life was just turning around in general..then all this crap happend....I dont want the moon or the stars just a little happyness would be nice.... thanks again
jw32802 Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 and do NOT email her to tell her about all your phones / email changing. Dont do that! make her wonder. When she tries to call she'll be like "what the f??" and that will scare her. and dont say "oh well if she wants to get a hold of me she wont be able to" because if she wants to find you she WILL. i recently read something and i want you to keep repeating this to yourself A person who truly wants to find a way, will FIND A WAY. A person who says they couldnt find a way is just making up excuses. something like that. let me find the quote.
jw32802 Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Ok heres the quote, so dont tell her your new phone or anything because if she wants to she will find a way repeat this quote to yourself The man who really wants to do something finds a way, the other finds an excuse –Thomas Edison
Author djones Posted July 19, 2004 Author Posted July 19, 2004 Thanks so much, that quote does mean a lot if some does care for someone...I iwll not e-mail
Kate Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/Denial.htm
Author djones Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 Hey Guys, I still feel real down on my self and I miss her real bad, we dont e-mail or talk at all now, I want to call her real bad, but I dont think it will help...what should I do?
Author djones Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 Hey Guys, Just an update with my life, my ex and I still once in a while talk and e-mail, I have broke the no contact rule a few times. I was missing her real bad and I called her on monday we talked for about 30 mins it was good I told her that I still miss her and she said she misses me a lot too. I got to the point where I told her that I love her (which I really do) she was taken back, but she did not say the same to me. She didn't take offence or say anything about it so I dont know what she feels for me in that sence. I the next day she e-mailed me and said it was really great talking to me. I dont know what to do now, I guess I screwed up the chance I may have had for her or did I. I could not hold out from not calling her and I did tell her that I love her....I am glad I told her, but this whole love game I guess I gave her the "upper hand" but I dont see her doing that to me, shes not into playing games like that...so I am confused...I know she is real busy with work and her brother moving in....but I just dont know what to do...I miss her....
Mr messedup Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Go back to no contact now she knows how you feel, let her come after you this time and dont give in this time!!!!!!
Author djones Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 thanks for the advice ....I will do it....this is going to be hard, but i know you guys are right....
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