xpaperxcutx Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I've been celibate since early June and I've been making myself a priority since my breakup. I've lost weight and I just recently got finoshed applying for business school in the Fall. Everything's coming together, even my social life has gotten busier. I recently befriended some new people, mostly guys and I've been hanging out with one or two individually. I love their company but I feel like they actually want more from me. They drive me home from time to time, even offer to pay for my food ( although I try to decline I thank them profusely afterwards). One of them particularly whom Im attracted to have asked me out but since he's on vacation I haven't bothered to contact him. Im feeling anxious about any ' date' in general because while I do want a serious relationship I really can't stomach the idea of getting hurt. I feel like if I can keep every guy on the friendzone I can keep myself safe. And so far my wall is as strong as the Berlin Wall and I just dont want it to get knocked down. I really wish I can havr someone to talk to. Mostly I feel like I have baggage abd I'm afraid if ppl finds out what it is I'll scare them away.
Pyro Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 First of all thank you for not lumping all guys into one category like some people do with the opposite sex around here when they are unsure of dating. 'The greater the risk, the greater the reward' It is a risk for anyone to be in a relationship. You will eventually have to jump in and try to make it work. There is no need to rush into one, so take your time and try when you are ready.
veggirl Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 My advice is just to take things slowly. You jump in to things way too quickly and let them escalate based on little substance. Get to know someone genuinely and slowly, there doesn't have to be "knocking down" of walls, they can be chipped at gradually.
pandagirl Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 This has everything to do with how you feel about yourself. If you don't feel confident and happy from within, you'll always be scared that someone can "hurt" you. Relationships can be great, but not if you aren't ready and that's totally ok!
cyrus9 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 You should be. They WILL break you heart no matter how well you think things are going. You will feel massive pain in your stomach, cry tears of pain, and wish you could turn back time. You said you just got your MBA stick to expensive escorts, high class sluts, and girls your sister or cousins or friends introduce you to for one night stands. Guard your heart for your own sake. Edit: NM You're a female. In that case disregard the second part and heed the first.
todreaminblue Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I've been celibate since early June and I've been making myself a priority since my breakup. I've lost weight and I just recently got finoshed applying for business school in the Fall. Everything's coming together, even my social life has gotten busier. I recently befriended some new people, mostly guys and I've been hanging out with one or two individually. I love their company but I feel like they actually want more from me. They drive me home from time to time, even offer to pay for my food ( although I try to decline I thank them profusely afterwards). One of them particularly whom Im attracted to have asked me out but since he's on vacation I haven't bothered to contact him. Im feeling anxious about any ' date' in general because while I do want a serious relationship I really can't stomach the idea of getting hurt. I feel like if I can keep every guy on the friendzone I can keep myself safe. And so far my wall is as strong as the Berlin Wall and I just dont want it to get knocked down. I really wish I can havr someone to talk to. Mostly I feel like I have baggage abd I'm afraid if ppl finds out what it is I'll scare them away. Me too.... celibate five years and some though so just a tad longer celibacy....tried dating twice in the first year one was married and living with wife and kids the other talked about marriage over the first cup of coffee....i like the friend zone to get to know men because i have my own baggage....its not body image its my brain image and it needs medication to not become unglued....i have thrown myself in the too hard basket....i know there are good men out there and i know how to find them...i know its time for me to get out there there's marathons run for charity bridge to bridge city to surf pretty regularly so might try that to make some new friends that way....so don't worry about celibacy since june.....i am almost close to my plan of becoming a travelling nun if can take my ipod that is...smilin you have been working on yourself ....your social life is getting busier you are doing things that make you feel good.....dont push yourself when it comes to forming relationships.....dont feel obligated.....dont be scared.....just do what feels right for you....be open and honest about how you feel if your baggage is too much for someone to handle.....be sure that you will find someone who understands that you dont expect any body to carry it because you are and can handle it by yourself if they have luggage then cool you both travel pretty light and dont need a trolley but you have a spare hand to help them if they need it.....you are a good person you will find the right one for you, you dont need to rush....theres no bar code with an expiry date on meeting someone..and if there was im the one who is heading past the best by date.....youve got decades yet.....and the truth is most people have baggage and flaws either carry on or baggage like mine the size of a small elephant so dont feel different from anyone else who starts to date again....best wishes.....sending confidence vibes your way.....going back to my basket now that my small elephant has on his head.......deb
jobaba Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I've been celibate since early June Checks calendar... :lmao: 2
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 You took all the right steps to take care of you. Losing weight, focusing on school. If your anxious maybe see a therapist ? Define baggage, we all have it. Life isnt all about rainbows and sunshine, life happens, and sometimes not in a good way. If a person cannot handle your baggage whatever it may be, then they are not worth your time. I do see a therapist. I have abandonment issues and some other personal stuff I wont go into detail.the fact is the guy I like has his stuff together and I don't want to scare him off.
kaylan Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) As soon as I read you have all these new guy friend I knew they wanted to sex you. Thats just kinda how dudes are about new chick friends. And then your suspicion confirmed it in my mind. Driving you around and paying for good is a clear indicator. Unless you are doing the same for them, then this isnt a strictly platonic friendship. I only do those things for girls I like (if its just me), or if its with truly platonic chicks friends and we both do it for one another. Regarding the guy you actually like, I say take things slow (no sex...and dont rush a kiss), and just focus on building a trusting friendship for now. Im actually crushing on someone at the moment, and as much as I want to tell her how I feel sometimes, I much more value our friendship at the moment. Its fun, and I dont wanna risk losing that unless Im super sure about my ability to date someone seriously. Go slow, and focus on being friends. Earn each others trust, and then you can share things about one another. Youre right, you dont want to move anythign to fast and scare him off. Give him time to get to know who you really are. And again I say, no drinking, no kissing, NO SEX. Dont do any of that until youre very sure of what you want out of this and where you see it going. Edited July 20, 2012 by kaylan 1
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