mksmartjr Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 So I've been in and out of relationships with the same girl for 8 years now I've known her since 2006. We have a 5 year old son together and I love and care for her very much. Now here is my situation over the course since about 2008 up to now we have been rocky in our relationship since our son was born. Basically she's been in and out of relationships with other men and I've still stood by her side even when she decided to not work it out with me. Well her very last relationship ended last year and her and I decided to give it another go now over the years I've made a few mistakes in not spending time with her or being around her as much which I am guilty of. Well recently I found out she's pregnant but the baby isn't mine it's another guys baby now because I still love and care for her I said I forgave her and that I'd take the child under my wing as my own child and I would help take care of it. Well recently about 2 months ago I find out she met a guy from Atlanta in a chat room of some sort. We live in Florida and while I was not home he came and visited her while I was on business. Now last week this guy completely moves down here and she is now living with him after only knowing him for two months. I am devastated she basically kicked me out of the house and he's now living there. My son stays with her and I am so lost I try to tell her how much I love and care for her and she tells me that she loves and cares about me still and to have faith because she doesn't think this is the end of the road for us. She's telling me that she doesn't have the same feelings like she first did because of me but I'm at a loss because I can't stop thinking about her I can't hangout with her I text her but she barely responds and when she does she takes hours to respond. I'm constantly thinking about her and I wonder if she's doing the same thing. Can someone give me some advice on what to do with this situation I'm so lost without her I'm going crazy I'm worried that she will fall for this guy and forget all about me and every time I try to cut communication with her it's hard and I cave in and start talking to her plus it's hard not to be cause she has my son. Any advice would be highly appreciated.
AlexanderJames Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 It's not 2014? Let me read and give an actual opinion im just on my phone.
AlexanderJames Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Things are always so much more complicated when a child is involved unfortunately.. How old is she? This made me angry "Have faith this isnt the end of the road for us" What complete and utter horsesh**! She is the mother of your child, and you the father of hers. She can't say that to you it's ridiculous. You aren't a second or even third option to her she either choses you or she fu*king loses you. She's basicaly saying "I'm going to go around, sleeping with whoever I want, having their kids, leaving their kids without a stable fathering role in their lives, and do what the hell I want, but dont worry I know that you'll always be here kissing my feet waiting for me when I want to settle down. I HATE women like this. She is going to have two children with different fathers, and be living with a third man. I'm sorry this is probably stepping over the line but this woman makes me sick. Find yourself a lawyer, get custody of your child and protect him from her. Please. For your kids sake dont let him grow up with that kind of role model.
hinatticus Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I was just about to say the same thing! This chick knows you'll be waiting for her. Don't let her get away with this. I'm a single father myself, I treated my ex like sh*t and she still respects me more than your ex. And ya, it's not 2014. Good luck man. Now Alex, check your pm.
2sunny Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 You need to find out if that child is actually yours! 1
Author mksmartjr Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Thanks for the reply guys and you are right but it's really hard cause I still care about the girl she's 21 now but I've known her since she was 15. I hate feeling like I'm second best ad every time she has someone else that's what I am second best I'm tired of it. When I try to talk about all of this and explain things she either blames the situation on me and how I've treated her over the years or she gets angry and says I know how you feel and I know how he feels. It's funny because she says she still cares and wants to be with me but she can't kick her new guy out because he gave up his place, job, and car to move out here and she doesn't want to hurt anyone plus she cares about him too. I just finished telling her I can't do this anymore and she tells me don't say that. Just the other day I was playing with my son and I over heard them arguing and it was because she asked my opinion about something and I guess he didn't like it and I haven't been over since that incident. I've spent the last 7 years with hard blood, sweat, and tears in this relationship that it's hard to walk away but when I do I find the urge to want to talk to her. She tells me to find someone else for the time being but I know her as soon as I find someone else if I do she's going to either A. Want to be with me again or B. get very pissed off. I'm just so confused at this point.
Chi townD Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Okay, let me see if I got this straight. She cheats on you while you're away on business. The guy decides to move down to Florida and she kicks you out and moves him in. Sir, you were dating one MASSIVE b*tch! If she values this guy more that you, then fine. She can have him. do not answer the phone when she calls, let it go to voicemail. If it a message about your kid, return the call and talk only about the kid. You are no longer boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife...you are only co-parenting with her. if she texts you and it isn't about the kid, don't answer it. If she e-mails you and it isn't about the kid, don't write back. Set up and time and a neutral place to do the exchange of the kid and inform her that you DO NOT want her to bring that asshat that destroyed your family to the pick up and drop off or else he's going to end up in the hospital and you in jail. She made this choice, you didn't. So, she has to live with the consquences of her actions. And that is that you are nothing but co-parenting with her. That's as far as your relationship goes. If she says, "I miss you" you should say, "Uh huh..... Does little Johnny need new shoes? Is he signed up for school yet?"
Author mksmartjr Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 You are obsolutely right I'm in the process of doing that and I saw my son today and he was there and it just killed me seeing her and him together I know I just have to let it go and move on its just really hard cause I put so much time and love into this relationship for her to just do this to me it sucks.
Chi townD Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 yep, you just got to laydown the law. That you two need to find a neutral place for the kid exchange because this is too much for you. You think that she would be so agreeable if the shoe was on the other foot? If she had to see you with a girl your sleeping with? I think not! You are not friends. You are parents trying to do what's right for your kid. Nothing more. HOWEVER!!! You need to do a motified 180 on her. You need to ACT happy and living life! You need to give an Oscar performance. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that you are miserable. Get a new hairstyle, something that people will notice and like. You need to start going to the gym. Work off that stress and frustration and also getting a RIPPED bod! You need to buy some new clothes. Change your style. If your a jeans, t-shirt and gym shoes guy. Change to a button down shirt, designer jeans with a belt and dress shoes. Change your image.
2sunny Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 She's 21 with a 5 year old? How did you not go to jail for having sex with a minor?
Author mksmartjr Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Thanks for the advice guys. I'm just going to try to do the right thing for my sons sake and just try and continue on without her. It's hard but I think over time I'll be able to do it.
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