LeSigh Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years now, and generally have a great relationship. In the past, he has always gotten along with my family really well, loves my siblings, talks to my parents, etc (I am 23 and living home until I move out to medical school so their relationship was important to me). His parents, however, have never appreciated my presence, much to both of our confusion. I'm not perfect, but I don't drink, do drugs, etc, and have always encouraged him to be happy in school/at work...he's asked them many times what their problem is, but they are always vague and just insist that a gf doesn't need to be included in family time like family holidays, his birthday, and all that. Having gotten fed up (7 years, remember?) my bf now remains home while his family goes on vacations, is not on speaking terms with either parent, and come family parties either does not attend or excuses himself early. I don't like the rift between him and his family, but we've tried to extend the olive branch a bunch, so...such is life. Lots of back story to get to the good part: my parents have suddenly jumped on the crazy bandwagon and decided that my boyfriend is no longer allowed in MY house. I attribute this mostly to the fact that my mother recently found out that we were sexually active. She insists that it is because he went to his sister's graduation party for an hour before leaving early, even after his parents explicitly said i couldnt attend - i guess she wanted a different reaction out of him? She declared him unfit for me, having "not improved the situation with his family" and has now been chastising me for continuing to see him at all (despite the fact that I have followed her rule and kept him out of the house). To make all this more complicated, I am leaving for school halfway across the country in 2 weeks. Between his parents and mine, he and I are having one heck of a time getting our goodbyes in!! And I'm now wondering what I'll do with him come holidays, which he used to spend at my house. So the question is two-fold: first, advice for the overall situation? My parents have refused to speak with him and I don't know what to do to improve it all. Second, am I crazy for believing that my boyfriend is doing a good job with his family? They are ridiculously stubborn, and I figure if he can't change them, I appreciate all of the actions he's taking for me, but my mother seems to think he isn't doing anything st all. Opinions, ladies? (and gents). Thanks!!!!!
pink_sugar Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Hmm the rift with his family reminds me of my husband with his parents. And your parents kind of remind me of my brother's fiancee's. They are 25 and 27 and they STILL got upset when they found a condom, because they are so conservative they couldn't wrap their minds around their little girl possibly having sex in their house. However, they allowed my brother to practically live over within months of getting together. 21 and 23 at the time. They were horrifed even then when they found out they were having sex a time before. Well what do you expect when your daughter's boyfriend is practically living there? Their own fault for letting him "live" there. But they are the type that believe in no sex before marriage and they've been together 4 years now. Anyways, sometimes it's beneficial to separate yourself from your family if they are being toxic. His family has no good reason to treat you that way and your bf has made it clear you are most important to him by setting boundaries with his relatives. Now it's up to them to decide what's more important: their relationship with their son or continuing their issues with their son having a girlfriend, especially if they cannot come up with any reason. They'll come around if they want in on their son's life, if not, their loss. If they aren't willing to drop whatever issues they have, he's better off without them. I also have a similar situation. My H's mom has cancer and she has never made an effort to be in his life. Disowned him over facebook comments. yet still she sends out health updates to him. My dad thinks it's on our end to reconcile with her. But he doesn't know the situation. My H has tried with his mom endlessly and always ends up disappointed. They (her and the stepfather) don't want anyone or even us around, so it's not that simple just to show up and make amends. They don't want to and you cannot force a relationship. So your parents don't really know what's going on, but they should be supportive, your bf loves you enough to stand up to his family for not treating you well.
Sugarkane Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 My patents are the same. They are hypocrites and screamed at me and called me a slut/ whore for having sex out of wedlock. Yet they had sex out of wedlock themselves.
bluegreen Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 God preserve us from religious folks and our parents sometimes to I swear I never saw such big hypocrites as them My mom did not go around block hell she ran a marathon around it yet managed to ruin almost any relationship I had including one I have now. As for insults don't let me start there until one day I saw red and howled my head off at her that I know everything who what where how many about her o my what a day that was she practically foamed at her mouth tried to deny it then played it off when she had no other choice truth sets us all free. Now we are not even speaking but that's only one of the reasons why not am not recommending for you to do what I did but stand up for yourself be firm about it and believe me if I did it anyone can. They will scream yell insult threaten and emotionally blackmail I went trough it all and am sure I will again but am not letting her control me any more and when she starts with me I start back 2 times harder yes I realize its not best approach but if you heard some of the filth that comes out of her mouth it would make you vomit so I draw my claws out and let them rip until she backs off. Why am I taking that c... = this economy and am in college so living home its only option for now.
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