peacrow Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 he very obviously doesn't want me to contact him. Otherwise, I'd probably be fine with having not spoken to him in about 3 weeks. But the fact that he's blocked me on Facebook just really gets under my skin. It's not fair that you can treat me like I'm disposable, just another person to add to your slowly growing lists of conquests (I patiently put up with his sexual inexperience and need to "experiment"), dump me, break my heart, then get to block contact with me. Our breakup/blowout thing happened via Facebook messages, so he blocked me there, but I can only assume he blocked my texts, calls and emails. I don't know, I haven't tried. What a coward! I want to harass him just to spite him. If he hadn't blocked me, it probably wouldn't even cross my mind to contact him, as I honestly have nothing left to say to him. I feel like this shutting out is fueling my obsessive thoughts about him. I realize he was not a good boyfriend, definitely not my friend, made me cry and feel awful about myself all of the time, and I'm dating someone else now that I've been friends with for a long time and already care about deeply. I hate that my obsessive thoughts about what a coward and how low my ex is, how badly he's treated me, are preventing me from focusing on my budding relationship. It's so unfair to my new boyfriend, it's so unfair to me. I really just have to let go of his slimy behavior, right?
ScienceGal Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) Do not vent to him, vent here. I promise that anything you think you want to say to him will seem foolish in three months time. I regret everything I sent to my ex post breakup, EVERYTHING! I should've bitten my tongue. By giving him any time and thought you are stroking his ego, and if he really is as slimy as you say, then he will bask in it. Don't give him that. Don't let him know what you're doing, thinking or feeling. You have nothing to gain by it. Also, I totally relate to you. I think about the ex, but I am also seeing someone new. It hits a part of me that I can't quite describe. But you have to resist the urge to contact him, just keep moving on. Good luck. Edited July 20, 2012 by ScienceGal
AlexanderJames Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Right. That and let go of your urges to do the same. Harassing someone out of spite is no better. You may not know the real reasons behind him leaving. Sounds like he was a dick nonetheless, so dont waste your time on him. Why continue an association with someone you dislike so much? Also I have to ask, is blocking an ex on facebook really that big of a deal? Why does it seem to piss off so many people on this forum? I blocked my ex on fb, I hope it didnt piss her off like it does everyone on here. The only reason I did it was so I didnt get reminded of her all the time. Like seeing photo's pop up, or status updates or anything that would slow down my recovery time. Is there really anything wrong with it? Honestly? I'm baffled I didnt think I was doing anything wrong.
Author peacrow Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Also I have to ask, is blocking an ex on facebook really that big of a deal? Why does it seem to piss off so many people on this forum? I blocked my ex on fb, I hope it didnt piss her off like it does everyone on here. The only reason I did it was so I didnt get reminded of her all the time. Like seeing photo's pop up, or status updates or anything that would slow down my recovery time. Is there really anything wrong with it? Honestly? I'm baffled I didnt think I was doing anything wrong. He didn't just unfriend me or hide me on Facebook (I actually unfriended him); he out and out blocked me. I can't see him if I search for him, I can't look at his profile or message him, any comments he made on my Facebook appear as if he deleted his profile. He didn't; my friend is still able to see his profile, though she was never Facebook friends with him. He's just a d-bag who doesn't want me to contact him because it makes him realize how shabbily he treated me. It has nothing to do with painful memories of "the good times" or anything like that.
AlexanderJames Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Yeah I unfriended and blocked my ex. That way nothing she is ever tagged in through mutual friends, or comments on comes up on my page. No photo's accidentally get shared and ****.. No chance of seeing her. Even old photo's she liked on my profile just say Facebook user so I never have to see her name. It's so I can heal though, without being reminded of her. Might well be a different story with your ex. I dont know him or the circumstances of your breakup enough to judge.
ScienceGal Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 He didn't just unfriend me or hide me on Facebook (I actually unfriended him); he out and out blocked me. I can't see him if I search for him, I can't look at his profile or message him, any comments he made on my Facebook appear as if he deleted his profile. He didn't; my friend is still able to see his profile, though she was never Facebook friends with him. He's just a d-bag who doesn't want me to contact him because it makes him realize how shabbily he treated me. It has nothing to do with painful memories of "the good times" or anything like that. So, in reality your ego took a hit. You're angry and you should be, but realize this is his deal. He's a douche, but life goes on and the sweetest revenge is getting on with it and being happy. Be glad he didn't waste more of your time.
ScienceGal Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Yeah I unfriended and blocked my ex. That way nothing she is ever tagged in through mutual friends, or comments on comes up on my page. No photo's accidentally get shared and ****.. No chance of seeing her. Even old photo's she liked on my profile just say Facebook user so I never have to see her name. It's so I can heal though, without being reminded of her. Might well be a different story with your ex. I dont know him or the circumstances of your breakup enough to judge. The ex deleted me, and then I blocked him. I didn't want to see anything he posted. It was purely so I could move on.
Author peacrow Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) So, in reality your ego took a hit. You're angry and you should be, but realize this is his deal. He's a douche, but life goes on and the sweetest revenge is getting on with it and being happy. Be glad he didn't waste more of your time. Oh, totally agree with all of this! My ego took a giant hit, especially because I was on the verge of dumping him; he just beat me to the punch. Now I look like the victim/poor, dejected, rejected one, and he can feel good about that. Trust me, I have thought many times I am so glad this over and that I didn't end up marrying him. (The thought makes me ill, but it actually made me ill while we were dating, so...) And when I think about it completely logically, I know he's a total jerk and that moving forward with my life is great, I am looking forward to seeing where my new relationship goes, having fun with someone instead of always being bummed out that I'm being treated so poorly, etc. Obsessive thoughts aren't logical. I know I just need to get over myself. It's a little difficult because he was pretty emotionally manipulative, and showed emotionally abusive tendencies, though I have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that he was outright abusive toward me, but there were definitely behaviors that would qualify. He got me, trapped me, then dumped me. It's hard to get someone like that out of your mind. Edited July 20, 2012 by peacrow
ScienceGal Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Oh, totally agree with all of this! My ego took a giant hit, especially because I was on the verge of dumping him; he just beat me to the punch. Now I look like the victim/poor, dejected, rejected one, and he can feel good about that. Trust me, I have thought many times I am so glad this over and that I didn't end up marrying him. (The thought makes me ill, but it actually made me ill while we were dating, so...) And when I think about it completely logically, I know he's a total jerk and that moving forward with my life is great, I am looking forward to seeing where my new relationship goes, having fun with someone instead of always being bummed out that I'm being treated so poorly, etc. Obsessive thoughts aren't logical. I know I just need to get over myself. It's a little difficult because he was pretty emotionally manipulative, and showed emotionally abusive tendencies, though I have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that he was outright abusive toward me, but there were definitely behaviors that would qualify. He got me, trapped me, then dumped me. It's hard to get someone like that out of your mind. Understood completely. Be happy you're with someone better now and appreciate that. I know your mind will wander, but really just try to be in the moment and have fun with someone who treats you well. When you let all the BS settle and just live in the moment it is truly wonderful. It's not easy, but just try to focus on now. There's a lot going on that you shouldn't miss
AlexanderJames Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 The ex deleted me, and then I blocked him. I didn't want to see anything he posted. It was purely so I could move on. So you don't see anything wrong with it either.
ScienceGal Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 So you don't see anything wrong with it either. Nope. NC is important, so I don't care what he thought, if anything, when I blocked him. It was what I needed.
Author peacrow Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) I suppose he could have blocked me on FB out of self-preservation; afterall, that's why I deleted him as a friend in the first place. However, it seems passive-aggressive in this situation, that he simply didn't want me to be able to send him messages on FB. We met online and didn't have any mutual friends, in real life or on Facebook, so it's not that he'd see me commenting on a friends' status or having photos of me pop up in his news feed. I suppose the fact that I didn't like any of his friends enough to add them as FB friends even after hanging out several times, and that I simply didn't want have him hanging out with me and my friends, or want to introduce him to my two best friends should have been a warning sign. My best friends are amazing, kind, laid-back people who get along with everyone and I just knew they wouldn't like him. In fact, one night I had plans with a friend just to go to a bar, and it would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce them, but I backed out because she already had a negative opinion of him just based on what I told her, and I wasn't ever critical of him! She just sensed he was a jerk, probably since he started making me so unhappy, so early in the relationship. We dated for long enough that it was definitely weird that he didn't meet them, to be honest, especially because I spend a lot of time with them. Wonder if he ever caught on to that. He was pretty wrapped up in himself, so maybe not. Edited July 20, 2012 by peacrow
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