steelgator Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Hey all! I know the most obvious thing to do after being dumped is not to remain friends with the ex. But what if you had previously been the dumper with the same girl and she won't get back together at the moment because she is afraid of being hurt again. Basically putting up an emotional wall. Would it be worth it in this instance to go the friends route?
Blastoplast Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 It depends, if you're still in love with her -- I wouldn't suggest being friends. It's just too hard to be a friend when you're always going to be wanting more than that. My 2 cents
Author steelgator Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 well the thing is...i broke her heart when i broke up with her so she doesn't really trust me right now...so she's afraid of getting hurt by me again and i keep pushing her to get back together when she just says she wants to be friends for now so she requested a mutual no contact as she is still too hurt, we are also long distance for the next month
Mary Oak Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I think if you want to try to work things out, you should try to prove your love to her again. Slowly... not constantly.... really, if you really love her, what do you have to lose? Either committ to making it work and showing her you love her, or move on. It is really the only choices you have.
Author steelgator Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Well it's really hard to prove that when i won't physically see her in a month...and there's hurt on both sides. So the only way to do that now is to give space and re-assess our relationship once emotions aren't clouding our thoughts when i get back in a month.
Rorschach64 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 As the saying goes around here if they love you and you've gone out on a limb to try to re-establish the relationship then declined/denied--your only course of action is to go NC. You told her your intentions and if she wants to be with you she will to you with the desire to work things out, otherwise the friends thing just seems like you are pressuring her in to it. She has to come to this conclusion on her own.
Author steelgator Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 actually she was the one who was really begging to be friends, while i wanted to jump right back into the relationship. I had to compromise because right now she doesn't want to get back together with the fear of me braking her heart again.
Rorschach64 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Well I meant in the sense of the whole plan to be friends with her to show you won't hurt her again. Unless I misread everything.
Author steelgator Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Yea im just weirded out by the whole situation, she said that im gonna be a part of her life. And i asked her if i accept her pleas to remain friends if i'll have a chance. And she won't even say yes or no. She just keeps begging to be friends, gets defensive about her feelings and when i finally accepted it...she said i'll be your friend but not yet you hurt me too much yet. I honestly think she's just being overdramatic, because she would break up with me when we were together even saying there's no way she's taking me back, only to beg for me back the next day saying she didn't really mean it and she was willing to forgive me.
Author steelgator Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 and since we are long distance for summer we've had stages of NC. reached out to her after a 3 week period and she was receptive but i got mad again. So now its been 18 days NC.
Rorschach64 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Considering it seems like she is totally confused and doesn't know what she is doing just stay NC. My ex-fiancee when she broke up with me said she wanted me to be part of her life still since I mean a whole lot to her and I was special to her blah blah, well one year later of NC not even a peep from her asking how I was. Words are cheap
Author steelgator Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 yeah i can last another month no problem. Problem is when i get back to college in a month we have about 100 mutual friends...so avoiding her completely would be like trying not to get hit by sunlight.
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