zanzi Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Oh god it hurts. Its been what, six days in full almost a week? It feels like eight years. I am starting to forget what he even looked like. Or wonder if he even existed. Iv'e been on N.C no contact. but have slipped up a couple of times- during the day I am busy. But at night, I was used to coming home to him being there and am not as busy with university so I called, I was lonely, I had nobody, ect. Mistake, I know. I was in pretty bad condition when we met. He was telling me pretty soon he loved me, was falling in love, calling me his missus ect. I had been craving attention and I guess his sweet talk got the better of my common sense. I have a lot of emotional wear and tear and things went downhill towards the end with me. As soon as this happened, he bailed out. People always do. I am under no illusion that he is coming back. I have made that clear to myself. He just left me with no answers, the only answer I have is that he was obviously hurting too. I called him up during our "break" (yes I know your supposed to leave them be during a break) and he was very vauge. Then he dumped me. I made a lot of mistakes. My friend is being weird and wont talk to me and I really need mates right now. I feel pretty crap. I haven't really been eating or looking after myself. I try but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and I get stuck like this. I have never needed someone else to be there as much as I need it now. I even flirted with my old fwb from before this latest ex, asked him straight out if he wanted to do it. I need to sort me out first, I know, I know. Story of my life since forever. I just really regret hurting him. I wish we had just been good freinds. Wishing is pointless. This post is pointless. I'm just so tired. I wake up exhausted these days.
bosox Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Hang in there! You are at the worst spot. It gets better! Won't feel like it yet but it will. Go find a friend and stay at their place for the time being. No need to come back to the place that makes you think of him. As someone you work with or whatever. Don't run back to your other ex. That won't solve anything. You'll find someone that loves you again when you are ready. Just get through this.
Author zanzi Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 want to add I was about to jump on the bus and go see him today. But then I changed my mind. I'd be stuck out there, he doesnt want me back, wandering out to another town with no way of getting back, with only the vauge knowledge that he's out there at his aunts house ( which I dont know exactly where that is) would be ridiculous and only work if I were in a movie.
goodbyesunshine Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 The nights are the hardest. Every night I stop myself from sending thousands of messages. My boyfriend doesn't reply them until I've sent about 3 or 4, and he just tells me he needs time to think about us, and disappears for a few days. And so every time the sun sets I live in a turmoil of emotions - I miss him so much, I need to hear from him, but I hate him for doing those stupid things to me avoiding me and refusing to either end this relationship or salvage it
Author zanzi Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 the worst thing is knowing he is never coming back, he will remember the fights, but he wont remember the good things. Thats why my last chance is gone. Have lost most of my friends. Got so desperate to be close to someone, I showed up at my old fwb house, it was humiliating and pride destroying.
Author zanzi Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 I would advise that you go into no contact and stick to it. My ex dumped me during our break because I wouldnt stop calling him.
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