BigBear Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) Well, I've gone and done it, I've launched into LC. NC is not possible, we have a 4-year-old son who we have joint custody of, so there must always be communication between us regarding him. Long story, hopefully short for those who don't know my story, if you're interested... I'm the dumpee, she left me on April 2. I was caught 100% by surprise. I have not dealt well with it. Got quite depressed, stopped working for the most part for a while. I've pursued her and tried to get her to patch things up. I have written her a lot of emails (wrote her quite a bit more before I discovered this forum, now a lot of my venom goes here in the Write Your Ex thread here instead). She won't consider anything...no marriage counselling, no personal counselling, she just wants "space". I have always been the one, at least in the beginning days, to ask, is this really what you want? Is this really better? Because I know she's racked up a ton of debt and done some really dumb things and is not acting like herself at all. She left me with no plan and it shows because she definitely has not made choices that benefit her most. Anyways, I hate her for this but I do love her regardless. We have, despite my depression and anger still gotten together as a family a fair bit, for the sake of our son. We would have dinner together about once a week and we keep it pretty much together when we can in front of him. But this has just gotten me more confused, because she's all sweet as hell with me until I try to bring up anything about us, anything at all about trying to fix it. Then she clams up and won't discuss it. And I've gotten very frustrated, because it seems to me she wants half a person. She's toying with me: Be nice and say sweet things and I'm here. Confront me with reality and I'm not. So I've realized this is not healthy, I am being manipulated, and it has to stop. She's had the control over me, knowing I'd come back for more and she can dictate things. She's wanted us to be friends through all of this...has pushed this pretty hard, that we stay friends and act "like a family" for the sake of our son. But it's not easy for me to fake it and live like this when I am so broken up inside, and when we seemingly can have dinner all together and all get along. But I know underneath it all we can't. So I arranged to have lunch with her today, and she wanted to know why, and I told her we'd discuss it then. It was fairly tense...she wanted to know what was up, I put it off for a while. But finally things started to get tense, and I wish we had not been angry when I said it, but I finally told her I had had it with her control, and from now on I don't see us being friends anymore. This is not what friends do to each other. So except in cases where we have to discuss something to do with our son she won't see me anymore. She very quickly got up and just said "OK I'm out" and left me with the bill. Like everything else she did it like she was cool to it but I could see out the window she was crying in her car as she drove away. I know I caught her by surprise, and I guess I was trying to do that, because I knew she'd expect that I'd be getting together with her to try to propose something about getting back together or whatever, and this is the first time I've yanked the chain the other direction. I know this threw her for a loop. Maybe I didn't need to declare it so...maybe I should have just slid into LC...but I'm not sure I could have. If I don't write or text her for about 3 days then she contacts me about something, usually to do with our son. So we weren't just going to fall silent on our own. Seriously, I think this is needed. I cannot get over her when I am in almost daily contact with her. So wish me luck. And anyone who can tell me how you manage a LC (or almost NC) relationship when you have a young child and must sometimes communicate, I would really appreciate your advice. My gut is churning but I think in the end this is for the best. Very hard to believe only 3½ months ago we were together and now it has come to this. Edited July 19, 2012 by BigBear
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