Sameold Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 This is going to be so much more painful if you just hang on. Let's look at the facts: a) she ended it, travelling is not a good reason to end it if it really meant something b) she shags two guys whilst travelling c) she has made it crystal clear you two are friends and engages in conversation with you Now listen, dude, you DO NOT want to end up like her gay best friend. At the moment your masculinity levels are reaching an all time low in her eyes. She will know you still want her and she gets to keep you on as a friend to make her feel good and validate herself. She can pick you up for a chat whenever she feels like it, she knows you love her come what may right, but she knows she isn't bothered. Now let's think strategically. So you say you want her back, right? Employing NC and ending this farse of a friendship is the ONLY way to move past your split and the never ending mess of insignificant contact whilst she's travelling. You need to move on, man up, get your pride back and live life. She will probably never come back but trust me she would never come back to a "friend" sitting there like a lapdog. Do you really want to be the guy she is "friends" with when the night before she may have had some guy inside her? I'm really sorry this is horrible to read but I'm trying to shock you. You don;t have to think the best or the worst on the situation, just take it for what it is. Friendship is no path to reconciliation, she broke up so she has to reconcile. Leave it and NC or face huge suffering pain and embarasement to your pride. 1
Author Dblock10 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 looking at facts helps. technically i ended it as she didn't want to make the decision at the time (or maybe hadn't thought it through properly), yet all the signs pointed to her not really wanting to carry it on whilst she went. this i held a lot of guilt over for ages which you can see in my old posts that id rather forget/ however i did try and explain my words/actions and told her directly face to face i wanted to not break up and all that stuff. but it didn't change her mind so effectively she didn't want it. when we met i mentioned all this and she said how it was me that didn't want it... i was like are you kidding me. anyway a and b and right c a little debatable. she must know i still like her/want her hence why i met up with her and we done the deed and all that. so basically your saying its a form of an ego boost for her. 'Now let's think strategically. So you say you want her back, right? Employing NC and ending this farse of a friendship is the ONLY way to move past your split and the never ending mess of insignificant contact whilst she's travelling'. sounds about right dude. well this is what annoys me, when she has mentioned in the past about how this such and such person is a friend an i asked if she had slept with him she said uhhh yeah. so yeah for all i know this just a friend isn't just a friend. do the math she got with two whilst away etc.. so no i don't want to be a friend when a guy has been inside her the night before
Rorschach64 Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Reading from what you just said in the last two posts or so...it seems like she just loves to sex it on up with her male friends. She did it to you and she has done it to the other guys. She's using you, end of story, time for you to go NC. 1
Sugarkane Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I'm sorry to read about your breakup. I find her telling you about her conquests really mean and rude. That has got to hurt. You could confront her but I think she will just tell you lies. And might twist it around and tell you your crazy ( not saying that you are, but dumpers do this often). I can relate as the same thing had happened to me before.
k100danny Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 It seems like you are really having a hard time with this and i can totally relate to it. I have been through relationships ending where i have thought she was seeing someone and asked her about it, she was honest and said she had kissed the person and had agreed to go on a date but wasn't looking for a relationship ect. we tried to stay in contact and it really didn't work. it got harder and harder and I, like you were scared to let go of the contact thinking it meant I would lose her and the chance of getting back together, when in reality there wasnt really one. she stayed friendly toward me and this could have been for reasons of feeling guilty, still caring ect. I don't believe she did it to stroke her ego as she wasn't really getting that from me i just believe she did care or thought she owed me something. Anyway this went on for a couple of months at least before one day i got a text from her and for some reason I didn't want to read it, Maybe i was scared of what it said, maybe by having it and not reading it I held onto some hope I really dont know but i didnt read that message for around 3 months when i was over her.And now we have a great friendship. So if you are justifying staying in contact with someone because you think you will not be friends in the future this isn't the case. taking the time to heal with NC is perfectly normal and she should understand this if she cares about you. You have the chance to be friends again if you want to be in the future totally, but not at the minute. it will tear your heart out. I also at the end of this relationship had difficulty at first and im not saying it's not difficult now after making the break and blocking her while she is travelling but I will say this. My ex contacted me after we broke up a few times when i hadn't been in touch, She knew what i wanted and how I felt. She may have acted out and tried to make out she was in a great relationship after only 2 weeks of no contact because she read something posted on my facebook wall by a previous ex (i truly think this is why she deleted me but didn't block me) BUT I will never know, she has everything she needs to know about where my head was at, she knows where I am if she needed to get in touch she would find a way. If she acted out and did this for a reaction without contacting me for the facts this is up to her but I cannot do anymore so I have stopped trying. Going NC isn't always easier, we get comfort from contact with our ex but this is temporary and doesn't set you free. I'm not saying it is easier but it is certainly faster to do it this way. I now have had her blocked for 9 days and of course i wonder what she is up to, I assume she is in a relationship or dating but I don't want to read into how happy she looks. we never know what people are truly thinking we only know what they tell us or portray to be and this isn't always true. What I am saying is you can't fear the fact you may never have her in your life again, Or you at least must face up to that. It seems like staying in touch is logical but it is making the transition for her easier and harder for you. You don't have to be ok with it, you are just minimizing your pain thats all. I say That i wish all the best for my ex and in some ways I do. Of course I don't want anyone to go through life miserable I wouldn't wish that on someone I didn't like even. But I don't hope she is happy in this relationship at the moment and to be honest she probably isn't. But i know that one day when i find myself fully over her that when i hear she is doing well I will be happy for her truly as I am now with my previous ex who i was distraught over even though now i think WTF ??? I am not attracted to her at all and we are very different people but i still care for her and she has a new boyfriend who is a great guy and I wish nothing but good things for her.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 its not that I'm fearful of being friends in the future that is probably probable. i want to be with her or for us to be together in the future, so i am worried about that not happening. what roger says is good > I would assume the worst and pick the quick painful kill... Because whether or not it's happening it's bound to eventually. Of course i'm stating the obvious, but she's not gonna live the rest of her life without dating another guy. Maybe she isn't seeing this young laddie romantically, and maybe keeping contact with her could delay a new relationship with him or whoever, but I don't think it's worth finding out.
Sameold Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Dude you can not control the future. If you decide to stay in touch just with some little hope that one day she might want you again arn't you going to feel pretty bad living your life? You are going to be put on the side as she goes off on holiday, starts having sex with another man and she is just going to think you're fine with it as you're her friend. It's just my opinion but I think men who want their ex's as friends after they break up with them were involved in an obsession and not love. If you really loved her would you really want to be speaking to her knowing she's just had some stranger's penis down her throat? Dude this is all meant to shock you but you have to let go. You have to show her you arn't ok with it all. You have to be honest. Stop hanging around hoping. Live YOUR life.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 sameold, thanks for the reply, i feel numb if I'm honest. i know you can't control the future but you can influence it surely? yeah i hate that she doesn't want me. i hate that she choose this and she's gone. she knows how i feel about her so she must know I'm not ok with it. what makes you think its obsession because i think you may be right, i just need to know how to break this, when i was younger i suffered badly with ocd (bad thoughts and contamination of objects) i am put on the side, she put me on the side the first time, and now she has gone for a year. yet when we met we had sex and she claimed to also still have feelings. just feel so down dude. feel like I'm a in hole right now and that my life for the past year has been a lie. in the sense that she clearly moved on whilst away and had the best opportunity to do so. then met up and filled her desires, sex/comfort/company and now she's gone. sure we stayed in contact for a week but now nothing and sure i didn't reply to her last msg hence no reply. but she won't come back, she is doing what ever she wants to do and all i can do is feel lonely, and rejected and just a mess
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