Dblock10 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 i have suspicions my ex is dating someone yet she says she isn't dating and "he is just a friend"... I don't like playing devils advocate but.. this friend happens to live in the country she moved 10 thousand miles away to.. sigh
Samilia Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 '"ex" and "confrontation" in the same sentence, why?
Sameold Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 As much as it pains me to say this, why should you care? She's your ex.
Chi townD Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Why? All you know right now is; not only is she a liar, but now she's a cheat. Do you normally talk to lairs and cheaters? All you're going to get is more lies! Here, I'll help you out. I'll be your Ex and give you the standard excuse Ex's pull in this situation. " Dammit DBlock! He's JUST A FRIEND!! And he isn't the reason that we broke up! *uh huh...right* It was all your fault! *right..sure it was* He's been helping out through this difficult time *Yeah...I bet he is* I've been hurting too you know! *anal pain* See, there you have it! Now, you don't have to confront! 4
Ajax Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Just for clarification, at what point will it be okay for her to date again?
Sameold Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Chi town knows the truth. To be honest it's irrelevant if they are doing anything physical. Your relationship has ended and like with my ex I'm just trying to feel irrelevant about her life, I blocked her on fb, I don't contact her. Why expose yourself to even more hurt? She's a liar and a bitch, **** her man, you're a man...you don't need this cow in your life. 1
Author Dblock10 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) thanks guys. needed this. thing is.. i was for the most part over her. i hadn't seen her for 9 months then she came back from her travelling and we hooked up months later she said she had feelings and cares about me had missed me. yet didn't want to make plans now or in the future incase they don't work out..., she has moved away at least for a whole year. she can date again, she has slept with others, as have I. we kept in contact daily last week, aim and Skype. i asked her about these feelings that were mentioned and how you could u just leave 'like that again' then i got the 'steve its been over a year now' line and that she isn't looking for anything. its just i have my theories behind one or two things that i don't like and id like to just let it out and express these to her gain the truth. its just hard because of how things were left the first time and the not knowing, to then finally see her and have these feelings, now for her to be gone and knowing thats it! how is she a cheat, we haven't been together for a year ( i know, this is bad ) its all self inflicted isn't it? or have i been led on a bit or, i just don't know Edited July 19, 2012 by Dblock10
Samilia Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 thanks guys. needed this. thing is.. i was for the most part over her. i hadn't seen her for 9 months then she came back from her travelling and we hooked up months later she said she had feelings and cares about me had missed me. yet didn't want to make plans now or in the future incase they don't work out..., she has moved away at least for a whole year. she can date again, she has slept with others, as have I. we kept in contact daily last week, aim and Skype. i asked her about these feelings that were mentioned and how you could u just leave 'like that again' then i got the 'steve its been over a year now' line and that she isn't looking for anything. its just i have my theories behind one or two things that i don't like and id like to just let it out and express these to her gain the truth. its just hard because of how things were left the first time and the not knowing, to then finally see her and have these feelings, now for her to be gone and knowing thats it! how is she a cheat, we haven't been together for a year ( i know, this is bad ) its all self inflicted isn't it? or have i been led on a bit or, i just don't know Well since it's over and you processed it, nothing stops you from asking her.
k100danny Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I have wanted to confront an ex about someone I thought she was seeing after we split before. not this last break up but the one previous to it, and I did. She told me she wasnt seeing anyone but admitted to agreeing to go on a date. It didn't make me feel better it made me feel worse and one of the things I learnt because of that split is nobody owes you anything if they arent in a relationship. It's fine for it to bother you and natural but asking when it's really none of your business you should try and refrain from doing that unless you two are trying to have something together then as hard as it sounds it is none of your business. And no matter what she tells you, you will not believe anyway. My recent ex i believe is seeing someone, Of course i wonder if she is in a relationship ect but it isnt my place to ask so I have refrained from doing so, all i have said is i hope she is happier now if she is in a relatioship and then blocked her
Author Dblock10 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 i hear you dude. and your right, she could say what ever she wants, she could admit it and it would hurt, she could lie. i already trod on dangerous water when i insinuated it was a date when she met this guy for an evening (meal). i'll leave it there. and you are right it is none of my business. this isn't hard to hear, I just hate to think/know she doesn't want me anymore. when she expressed that she had feelings i felt great. but still we are not together. it really is a two way thing, if two people want to be together they will. as she said, she is happy being single etc i hate how things panned out. maybe for a reason. who knows. i miss her thing with what you said to your ex though insinuates that you believe she is with someone when really you don't know for sure.
Sameold Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 If your ex isn't texting you then chances are even if not straight away she will be dating someone, flirting etc soon. I went out with my ex for nearly 4 years, we lived together for 8 months and I know she was flirting with another guy the week before she ended it and has now seen him for drinks. Remember that when your ex ends it she did it for a reason, it sucks but put it like this if she has betrayed your trust in any manner then does it just not show what a bitch she really is? Do you really want to be with someone who runs off when it gets tough and goes and seeks new, easy,convienient attention? The way I look at it is when it ends I guess you have to say what you need to, be angry, try band win her back for a while, make a final statement. But then you just have to leave the bitch alone, block her on fb and move on. Jono I like your message but everytime you contact her now in relation to the relaationship you will diminish it. 1
Author Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 i don't know anything for sure. its all theories. that makes it possibly worse. but then again maybe not. guess i just don't want to be forgotten. its hard to think whilst I'm still thinking of her she may be dating, seeing someone else. i guess i want to be her one and only yet that isn't possible and she is happy being single. so yeah.
Sameold Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Even if she is dating someone else it doesn't mean you will be forgotten. If what you had was generally good she is sub-conciously going to keep comparing the new guy to you.
k100danny Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Yeah you're right I can't be sure she is seeing someone else but i'm pretty sure from the things I have seen. new profile pic at the beach with a guy, hand on his knee and shoulder ect so this would lead me to believe she is. I mean you don't put that as your profile pic unless something is going on, and after a couple of weeks aswell, i wouldnt do that that quick with someone i started seeing. She could have done this to make me jealous though (or maybe not and is totally happy) she only deleted me after my ex wrote on my facebook wall (thanks for dinner see you soon my treat xxx) And she didn't block me as i asked her too but these are things that i will never know and I will refrain from asking as her life is hers as much as it hurts for someone to move on when you are still thinking of them you don't know they are fully happy and you can only go on what people tell you. I have learned one thing and that is it is not up to you to MAKE someone happy, you can never do that, happiness is inside them.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) @sameold yeah i guess this is true, but surely if she has a good time with this new guy (like she said it was nice to catch up) then eventually if they keep hanging out she will like him more. especially if she is sleeping with him or has done in the past, and thus i will become a memory, if I'm not in contact, that will make it even easier right? the problem is, she seems very happy to talk to me which don't get me wrong is nice, like when she went we spoke everyday. i havent replied to her latest email which was mainly apologising for missing the Skype call due to reasons back home. i know if i replied she would reply. Now i wonder if I should continue to talk to her on a regular basis :/ because from my point of view its hard not to be with her and hear what she's been up to, doing all these amazing things. i.e going to clubs, cinema, etc very social activities and not knowing who she is going with and yeah i get jealous/protective. So I'm thinking ignorance is bliss. or do i man up and stay in the picture. this is torture. @k1 ah sorry man . truly i know that feeling bud. that is horrible, makes me think bad things. more because she is moving on than jealousy i think. depends what she's like. your right, you don't know the full picture and fb really doesn't tell the whole truth Edited July 20, 2012 by Dblock10
Rorschach64 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Dblock, I do not know if you read my story about when I found out my ex-fiancee seeing a new dude after a week of being broken up with from a friend of hers. If not, then I'll give you a blurb.... I confronted her, she cursed me out and called me a piece of crap, idiotic, pathetic, and so forth. She obviously included the denial in between insulting me but even before that she wanted to take a break from the relationship because she was not attracted to me AND shortly after the request for a break up she accused me of cheating on her from ONE facebook chat with my female friend that just got married. What do you think will happen to you? It REALLY isn't worth it man, especially hearing all you have told us from the get go of all this stuff back in Summer 2011.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 i hear you man. sorry to hear your story to. why are women heartless so far i could either think, she isnt telling the truth and he is more than just a friend etc. or i take what she has said for the truth he is just a friend and thats it. i can either stay in regular chat with her, and ignore on any level that she could be seeing someone ( as she said she isn't looking right now so take her word for it ) or stay in regular contact and on some level hope that it wouldn't mean we will end up as complete strangers down the line 'if' our paths were to cross again :/
Rorschach64 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Dblock, I know how you are by now, haha. It is up to you to ascend above this situation or continue to be consumed by it, but I know you don't want to let go of this girl and I understand that. You are going to have to let go eventually and you will have to do that on your own strength not with the help of LS. Oh and girls are not heartless nor are guys. It is just what she wants and how can you really damn her for it because it isn't what you want? I didn't damn my ex-fiancee for what she did but none the less she still has to be accountable for it.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 personally, i'm too sensitive of a guy to handle being friends with my ex while she's dating someone else. Could if I were happily dating someone myself, or if I were achieving all my dreams and generally super content. Neither are the case yet though... If you have these suspicions and theyre bothering you I'd suggest just not talking to her. But if maintaining contact is worth having those thoughts (which it may be), deal with it. I wouldn't ask her, myself, but if you want to , you could...
Author Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) well this is the issue isn't it. i don't know for sure, and almost to scared fearful to ask... so i could stay in contact and hope it doesnt turn out true. and who knows maybe she won't get into a relationship, still wouldn't stop her seeing someone on the regular though.. if she keeps going out for meals or what ever with this guy who she says is a friend then yeah thats going to get to me because it will make me suspicious and jealous.. and yeah i don't think or rather i know for a fact i couldn't be her friend if she is dating someone else.. so i can keep the status quo with her until genuine reason not to be. or just recline in fear? and let her and I get on with life our separate ways. its so hard.. maybe staying in contact until it becomes evident or at a later date she then goes out with someone.. but until then stay in regular contact? would staying in contact deter her from moving on with someone in a more serious way? argh i just don't know Edited July 20, 2012 by Dblock10
Rorschach64 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Dblock, The issue with your situation is if you confront her she may lie or tell you the truth. If you sit there and just wait to discover the truth, you will sit there and lose time plus you will sit their and squirm in agony trying to figure it out. OR You cut contact and assume the worst, you start to move on with this but will include agnoy. Though both results in agnoy this method is quicker. I know you are concerned about later down the road bit SO, if she really wanted to be back with you she has the capability to finding you. Basically pick the slow painful path or the quick painful path.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I would assume the worst and pick the quick painful kill... Because whether or not it's happening it's bound to eventually. Of course i'm stating the obvious, but she's not gonna live the rest of her life without dating another guy. Maybe she isn't seeing this young laddie romantically, and maybe keeping contact with her could delay a new relationship with him or whoever, but I don't think it's worth finding out. When my ex ended **** with us, she wanted to be friends. She called me every evening subsequently, telling me she loved me, but still insisting we couldn't work at this point in our lives. The obvious emotional f*cking that was giving me was the main factor in my going nc, but it also was very clear to me that down the road there would inevitably be a point where I would find out she'd hooked up with or started dating another guy. And even if I could have adjusted to being her "friend", just to keep her in my life, I knew that when that time came, it would be a whole new round of pain. Like you, the thought that "if I keep in touch with her I can prevent her from moving on" crossed and still crosses my mind. And in a way, considering I was her proclaimed "best friend", and "the only person she could really be herself around", maybe I could have kept an emotional leash on her. Sh*t, even in my absence I know I in some way am. But I guarantee it wouldn't have permanently prevented her from physically being with others or kept her out of a half-hearted relationship. Knowing I'd be on her mind or that she'd be comparing him to me would be no comfort. And again, that's almost definitely more so the case after me cutting her off.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) thanks rorschach64. the problem is i trust her and have never had reason to fault her. but that was when i was with her i guess.. :S as someone said when your not "in" a relationship with someone they don't owe you anything and vica-versa so.. :s i had a shady situation with her when i saw her in that she looked through my phone and questioned some of the girls on it. but she wouldn't give me the password to her iPhone.. claimed it was her private business and it was a photo that was embarrassing to her that she didn't want me to see and asked me to trust her.. but i question that a lot in my mind. in my mind it was about a guy, thats the only thing realistically she wouldn't have wanted me to see.. sigh. so roger i see what you are saying and yeah, first time she was away we stayed in LC, it was me who always initiated the conversation. then before she was due back she was contacting me.. needless to say she slept with a few guys whilst away.. so would appear it doesn't matter what i do right? so quick painful way is best. wish this wasn't happening. its like a bad dream another thought, staying in contact although painful, at least if you do hear from them they did sleep with someone or something had happened etc, you could make them feel bad. guilty. is that wrong? Edited July 20, 2012 by Dblock10
Rorschach64 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Dblock, I trusted my ex-fiancee, believed she couldn't possibly betray me or lie to me and so forth, but I was wrong. Everyone is capable of anything. Why would you even be bothered to guilt her for sleeping around? You aren't together and she has every right to do that. Hell she is going around sleeping with dudes and telling you about it, to me that says she doesn't care and she wants you to know. You really need to move on already, it is VERY obvious she has. Sorry.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 yeah your right. it is done. i really need to drop it. let it go.. its not that she told me about it per say. its when we met i asked her as things were getting heated with us.. she then told me. she then asked me the same question. after sleeping with her we both said how weird it is in a good way and that feelings are still there. thats why i feel/felt confused. and its hard knowing that that chemistry is still evident.. she has told me that it was awesome to see each other again but it hasn't made her want to get back together.
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