BetheButterfly Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 First off, please no judgmental replies. My problem (if you can call it that) started during my first serious relationship when I was 18. Everything was great for the first couple of years, but after that, I just had a very strong desire to have sex with another girl. My girlfriend wanted to experiment with girls too since she lost her virginity to me, so we eventually found a girl to be our "girlfriend". This 3-way relationship lasted about a year, I felt like I was on cloud 9 most of the time. I loved having threesomes and felt satisfied for the first time in my life, it was just such a rush for me making love to two girls and my orgasms were much stronger. The biggest turn-on for me was watching my girlfriend with another girl and then joining them. We lived together at one point and had threesomes almost every day (sometimes several times a day, thank God for birth control pills lol). Eventually my girlfriend broke up with me because she didn't want to keep having threesomes and wanted to settle down, but I just couldn't. So I began dating the girl we were having threesomes with. The same thing happened again, I just couldn't get excited for regular 1 on 1 sex. It seemed so normal and boring after all the threesomes. Eventually we met another girl and began a sexual relationship with her. This was a couple of months ago, me and this new girl started really connecting on an emotional and intellectual level and my girlfriend started acting very jealous and insecure (the new girl is absolutely gorgeous and very intelligent, that's probably why). At this point, I think my girlfriend wants to break up because she knows I will never settle down with her. I really like the new girl, but I'm worried that she too won't be able to fully satisfy me alone. I do want to get married and have kids, but I feel like to be truly happy I would need to find a bi-sexual wife that would be OK with sharing me with a girlfriend and having threesomes at least twice a week. How difficult do you guys think finding such an arrangement would be? I know there are instances with men having multiple wives (like that show sister wives, who are all hideous btw... why would you want 3 ugly wives and especially when they only have sex with you 1 on 1, that defeats the whole purpose lol). What I want is for it to be more of a 3-way poly-amorous relationship with me having a wife and a girlfriend. Sorry for the long post and I would be grateful for any feedback I won't judge you. I would just like to comment that #1. Your post is not long at all according to my definition of long posts. #2. Reading your post made me even more thankful that my husband is a "one-woman man" who does not need another woman or 3-somes to feel fulfilled. I echo what the others have said concerning I think it's best if you simply don't get married. You can have children without getting married, naturally. Personally, I know 0 women who would be willing to live the lifestyle you desire. My 2 good friends who have had lesbian encounters are now happily (as far as I know) married to men and have kids. As far as I know, they do not involve a third party into their sexual relationship with their husbands. They seem very thrilled to be married to men who love them and who they love. Whether the marriage stays strong will remain to be seen. Although sadly around/more than? half of all marriages today end in divorce, it can be done to stay together and grow old together and work out issues together. As for my husband and me, I hope that our marriage stays strong and I see no reason for it not to as of now. Again, I am grateful my husband is a one-woman man, and I know he is happy that I am a one-man woman! 1
BetheButterfly Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I think you're settling down, only 2? I'd go with 4. Alot more fun believe me. Some men adore the idea or reality (in some men's cases) of a harem... I personally would prefer not to be a girl in a harem, however. 1
Sugarkane Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 How does the threesome thing work OP? Whenever i hear about it one person always feels left out no matter what. I want a threesome with two guys. How can I make that happen OP? 1
stillafool Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 OP, why must you marry at all? Why not stay a single man and play "musical chairs" as you wish because most women are going to get jealous at some point or another in a relationship like the one you want. As far as having a wife and a younger gf goes, the wife isn't going to go for that. She will get jealous of the younger gf. When you and your wife have kids she will be too tired to be bothered with 3-somes and may not want a gf of yours around her kids. I think the only way to really make your dream come true is to stay single and have sex with as many women as you want. Would you be okay if your supposed wife were to want a 3 some that involves another man? Wouldn't that be fair to her as well? 4
Sugarkane Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 OP, why must you marry at all? Why not stay a single man and play "musical chairs" as you wish because most women are going to get jealous at some point or another in a relationship like the one you want. As far as having a wife and a younger gf goes, the wife isn't going to go for that. She will get jealous of the younger gf. When you and your wife have kids she will be too tired to be bothered with 3-somes and may not want a gf of yours around her kids. I think the only way to really make your dream come true is to stay single and have sex with as many women as you want. Would you be okay if your supposed wife were to want a 3 some that involves another man? Wouldn't that be fair to her as well? That's exactly what I was going to say.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I think I should date younger girls maybe, the issue seems to be that girls my age mid to high 20's, So … 18 - 19 year old girls? Not that it's illegal, but depending on another person's youth and naivete in order to get your sexual needs met is kind of skeevy. You are kind of rare in thinking that "everything is more fun with three people." Three is not a propitious number for successful social interactions in general. One person typically is on the "outside." From your perspective, this isn't a problem since you will arrange things so that person would never be you - you'd be the one getting all the attention. In theory, I don't really have that big of a problem with what you want but it's your attitude that seems extremely selfish. You sound like you just want a "main woman" who will accept what you want. What you really need is one who is exactly as into having sex with a 3rd person as you are; with "mentoring" her and putting her through school (in exchange for sex?). NOT with "sharing" you. They would need to get just as much out of the arrangement as you would, and you haven't communicated that that's of interest to you at all. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 OP, you need to consider the fact that you might get bored with two women over time. You could stay a confirmed bachelor and only do the big brother thing. I know bachelors who do that and are happier than most married men. 1
without Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Some men adore the idea or reality (in some men's cases) of a harem... I personally would prefer not to be a girl in a harem, however. It was sarcasm.
Author D87 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) I think there is another advantage to this type of a relationship that I haven't mentioned. I know you guys will flame me for saying this, but I believe that men and women have fundamentally different mating strategies that our society tries to alter in a way that creates lots of conflict. We have a divorce rate of over 50%, rampant cheating and affairs, emotional anguish over our basic sexual desires not being met, etc. The reason for this is that it is almost impossible for a desirable male to have one sexual partner for the rest of his life, that would go against basic evolutionary principles. If the male has good healthy desirable genes (which is reflected in his appearance, status, smell, personality, etc), females will be naturally attracted to him and try to seduce him. The goal of a female is to produce an offspring with the best genes possible, thus seeing a desirable male will make them go crazy for him. One of my favorite movies, "American Beauty" illustrates how I think most men feel in marriages today. They are denied their fundamental biological instincts and thus live a miserable life. I believe feelings of "love" do exist, without them it would be impossible to raise offsprings since males would just leave as soon as females are impregnated. These types of feelings help insure our survival, but they don't last forever. After 7-8 years (7 year itch), most men can't help but desire a new mate. There is a reason men can be sexually active and have children past 70 years old, while women can only give birth until menopause. Thus, having a primary sexual partner in a wife and a secondary sexual partner in a girlfriend would eliminate all the cheating, affairs, dramas. The wife stays the same, the girlfriends change. The wife would know that I'm not sneaking around behind her back, she would pick the girl (someone whom she likes and trust), and everyone is happy. Eventually as the wife gets older and loses interest in sex, she is still your wife, but you cannot lose your manhood and become asexual all of a sudden (healthy males can be sexually active till death, look at Hugh Hefner lol). I know its difficult to find a wife who will be understanding of all this though, but don't think impossible. Edited July 21, 2012 by D87
Els Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 You really don't need to rationalize or justify your choices, OP (I honestly think it was a pretty flawed justification, but not going to get into that, as the point is moot). Basically, if you can find the girls to enter into it consensually and with full information... go for it. You live your life for yourself. Just stop making blanket statements about how all women or men are. 3
CarrieT Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I would suggest to the OP that he google and start hanging out on Poly forums. There is nothing inherently degenerate in what is being desired, but it is difficult to find. Many poly couples are forever in search of the illusive "unicorn." The "unicorn" being this mythological perfection that all Poly couples search for: The perfect third to complement them. It happens for a few but for many, it begets exactly what happened to you - eventually one gets jealous and wants to be a monogamous relationship again. I've known a handful of poly triads that have maintained their triads for years so it IS possible, but takes a lot of work, insight, forgiveness, and intelligence. Working the poly lifestyle is not for the week or drama-queens. Everyone has to be open to frank communication and discussion about issues. And, frankly, I think you are a bit too young to fully appreciate and attempt a Poly lifestyle. Date and learn and experiment more. Those that I know who live in the Poly lifestyle who have succeeded are in their 40s and 50s. 2
Els Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 And, frankly, I think you are a bit too young to fully appreciate and attempt a Poly lifestyle. Date and learn and experiment more. Those that I know who live in the Poly lifestyle who have succeeded are in their 40s and 50s. Yep, ditto. I used to participate in online communities that involved quite a few people in long-term, happy polyamorous Rs (as opposed to just polygamous), and it was a totally different mindset altogether. The OP strikes me as a young man wanting to have his cake and eat it too, with the additional mindset of 'how I think most men feel in marriages today. They are denied their fundamental biological instincts and thus live a miserable life.' On the other hand, the abovementioned poly threesomes I know of are generally mature individuals who put a lot of time, emotional strength, and effort into making those Rs work. It isn't about what would be 'cool' or 'convenient' - they understand that poly Rs are actually harder to maintain than conventional Rs, and that the little fantasy of having a loyal wife and a 'side-gf' (who enjoys threesomes with him AND his wife!) is not what it may seem to the boy in the bathroom stall. I wish the OP the best of luck, but I doubt he will succeed until he attains that maturity. 2
Negative Nancy Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I checked some of your other posts and you're definitely very bitter and depressed person. When was the last time you gotten laid or had fun in your life, all you do is post here all day criticizing everyone. Get a life. I think you just can't handle valid, constructive criticism. Maybe it's YOU who needs to get a life.
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I think I speak for the whole male race when I say, go to hell hahaha. God damn it. 2
irin Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 The reason for this is that it is almost impossible for a desirable male to have one sexual partner for the rest of his life, that would go against basic evolutionary principles. If the male has good healthy desirable genes (which is reflected in his appearance, status, smell, personality, etc), females will be naturally attracted to him and try to seduce him. The goal of a female is to produce an offspring with the best genes possible, thus seeing a desirable male will make them go crazy for him. (thank God for birth control pills lol). yes im sure they were dying to get your offspring, with the amount of contraception available these days, very few is having sex due to biological need to reproduce. stop trying to justify your fantasies. nevertheless this post is :lmao::lmao:
Author D87 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 The "unicorn" being this mythological perfection that all Poly couples search for: The perfect third to complement them. It happens for a few but for many, it begets exactly what happened to you - eventually one gets jealous and wants to be a monogamous relationship again. I've heard of this unicorn term, yes. Thus far, I've had two three-way relationships which lasted about a year each before the jealousy and "settling down" issue came up, and I am fine with that. I actually wouldn't want the three of us to stay together "forever". As I mentioned earlier, the girlfriend can change every year or two years or so to keep things interesting and sexually exciting. What I need to find is an accepting wife who would fully accept my desire for threesomes and girlfriends. That is the hard part. Finding girls is easy - just go to any nightclub with my hot wife and we can always find a young girl to take home. In south FL, threesomes are extremely common. very few is having sex due to biological need to reproduce This is a subconscious. Attraction is caused by how healthy and desirable you perceive your potential mates genes to be. Of course you don't think that, you just look at them and think they are "hot". But there is a biological process in place underneath. Anyway, this is kind of off-topic to the discussion at hand...
Els Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 I'm just curious, why do you NEED a wife, if what matters to you is the threesomes and constant new and exciting girlfriends? What do you think you can bring to the table for a marriage in this case? 1
bac Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 You can find plenty of bi women and swingers on adult sites. Also, on AFF or other adult sites, you can say in your profile openly what kind of things you are looking for. One of my favorite movies, "American Beauty" illustrates how I think most men feel in marriages today. They are denied their fundamental biological instincts and thus live a miserable life. From my experience, women feel the same way about their marriages too. Thus, having a primary sexual partner in a wife and a secondary sexual partner in a girlfriend would eliminate all the cheating, affairs, dramas. The wife stays the same, the girlfriends change. That is a good plan theoretically. Eventually as the wife gets older and loses interest in sex, she is still your wife, but you cannot lose your manhood and become asexual all of a sudden (healthy males can be sexually active till death, look at Hugh Hefner lol). From what I know, women have the strongest interest in sex from 40 to 50 y.o. Have you ever heard about cougars? They have sex with multiple young hot men and the men worship them. As for sex with young hot guys, I would be OK to do that. As for sex with a guy, 60-80 y.o, I would first ask how much he pays for sex. Then, I would probably agree to let him penetrate me with a condom for $50000 + no kisses.
Author D87 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I'm just curious, why do you NEED a wife, if what matters to you is the threesomes and constant new and exciting girlfriends? What do you think you can bring to the table for a marriage in this case? I need a wife in order to procreate and raise children. I bring to the table my healthy desirable genes, financial stability, fun and exciting lifestyle... pretty much anything the wife can dream of as long as she's down to date hot young girls with me.
Author D87 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Dirtbags don't have healthy genes. Haters for sure don't
Author D87 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 a guy who calls out a cheater is no hater. cheaters are haters. You clearly have very low intelligence. By your logic, my girlfriend or wife is also a cheater since she is "cheating" on me with the same girl that I'm "cheating" on her with. So we're both "cheating" on each other in the same bed simultaneously lol
Els Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I need a wife in order to procreate and raise children. I bring to the table my healthy desirable genes, financial stability, fun and exciting lifestyle... pretty much anything the wife can dream of as long as she's down to date hot young girls with me. Do you really intend to raise children with a polyamorous lifestyle? Have you given thought to how they will process a new young woman coming into their parents' house and getting all chummy with both mommy and daddy, and being changed out for another one every so often? Or are you intending to hide your lifestyle from your children? 1
Author D87 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Do you really intend to raise children with a polyamorous lifestyle? Have you given thought to how they will process a new young woman coming into their parents' house and getting all chummy with both mommy and daddy, and being changed out for another one every so often? Or are you intending to hide your lifestyle from your children? Kids don't need to know anything until they are old enough to understand, 17-18. Obviously we don't plan to have a threesome in front of the them and the girlfriend doesn't live with us lol. We can have threesomes on weekends at hotels or go away on vacation with our girlfriend, etc. I don't think this will honestly be an issue whatsoever.
madjac74 Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Kids don't need to know anything until they are old enough to understand, 17-18. Obviously we don't plan to have a threesome in front of the them and the girlfriend doesn't live with us lol. We can have threesomes on weekends at hotels or go away on vacation with our girlfriend, etc. I don't think this will honestly be an issue whatsoever. Children don't need to know but you will be very surprised at how intelligent and observant they are...long before they are 17-18. My son is 8 and he calls me out on things that really leave me speechless. 1
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