katscoupons28 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I have been seeing this guy for 7 months now. We are living together. I have seen messages he sends other females (he claims are friends) and they have a lot of words like "hey beautiful, good morning beautiful, etc". Normally I would think this is just some simple flirting and harmless but I also saw some previous messages where he told her he is single (although he told me that he told her he is with someone and basically married). His message said he is single and then he laughed and said a gf would never be ok with me being listed as single on Facebook." It is the case... he is listed as single on FB and I have told him it bugs me b/c I feel other women should know not to pursue him b/c he is with someone else. I cannot blame these women for flirting with him when they think he is single. I know he has not cheated on me physically (he has no car and he is always at work, home or with me) but I know he has led several women on since we have been dating. I hate the feeling that I cannot trust him but he doesn't get that I feel his flirting continously with others is emotional cheating. I love him but wonder if this should be the "get the hell out" point. He has no idea I saw the messages so I cannot approach him with exact quotes. Ugh... I just don't know if he will ever change. Should I put my foot down and say I go on the FB pg as his girlfriend or we are done? I hate placing a strong emphasis on FB but that is where he does the majority of his flirting.
skywriter Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I don't know that threats help with people that are obviously looking for ego strokes. It has to be within them to not be selfish,sneaky, people. 7 months isn't really that long and now you're living together. tread carefully.
Author katscoupons28 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 That's why I am wondering if I should just let these things go unless I see something major pop up like he goes to see one of them? By saying let it go I don't mean ignore it either... just keep an eye out but not act too crazy/jealous and be sure to remind him of what I feel is appropriate behavior in our relationship. Just hurts me so much that he lays next to me at night yet when he gets up in the morning before texting me a hello at work he messages her "Morning beautiful". I know it is an unhealthy jealousy but I don't know how else to feel about it. Again, if we were "public" about our relationship then maybe I wouldn't feel this way?
veggirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 OMG why are you with this guy much less LIVING WITH HIM?! Have some self respect and get out! He is never going to give up other women because he doesn't have to. No guy who is in love with his woman is going to be saying "hey beautiful, good morning beautiful" to other girls! WTF? That absolutely crosses the line...I can not believe you are putting up with this... Normally I would think this is just some simple flirting and harmless but I also saw some previous messages where he told her he is single (although he told me that he told her he is with someone and basically married). So where was the message saying he is with someone and "basically married"? You saw the one where he is telling a girl he is single, but magically the one where he clarifies that to her (HE IS LYING TO YOU!) is missing? Convenient! he is listed as single on FB and I have told him it bugs me b/c I feel other women should know not to pursue him b/c he is with someone else. So, you guys are "basically married" but he portrays himself as single. Why? Does anyone know about you? I know he has led several women on since we have been dating. I hate the feeling that I cannot trust him but he doesn't get that I feel his flirting continously with others is emotional cheating. Wake up. He DOES get that it is emotional cheating, he just doesn't CARE! Because there are NO consequences for what he does! You let him do this! I love him but wonder if this should be the "get the hell out" point. YES PLEASE DO THIS! He has no idea I saw the messages so I cannot approach him with exact quotes. Well, you can own up to snooping. Who cares at this point? Just tell him what you saw and for gods sake please don't believe any of the BS that is bound to come out of his mouth once you confront him. First he will blame you for snooping. Then he will say you are jealous / overreacting.
veggirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 That's why I am wondering if I should just let these things go unless I see something major pop up like he goes to see one of them? By saying let it go I don't mean ignore it either... just keep an eye out but not act too crazy/jealous and be sure to remind him of what I feel is appropriate behavior in our relationship. Just hurts me so much that he lays next to me at night yet when he gets up in the morning before texting me a hello at work he messages her "Morning beautiful". I know it is an unhealthy jealousy but I don't know how else to feel about it. Again, if we were "public" about our relationship then maybe I wouldn't feel this way? WTH? You are waiting for "something major to pop up?" Portraying himself as single IS something major. Again, why aren't you guys public about your R if you are "practically married'? Telling other women he is single is major! Texting them good morning beautiful is major! Being jealous in this situation is NOT unhealthy! Staying with this loser who has no respect for you IS unhealthy!
Quiet Storm Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 This guy is on the prowl, and he is supposed to be in a committed relationship. You have a right to be insecure and to express that to him. He is pursuing other women. Bascially there are two reasons that he is doing this: 1) He is looking for ego strokes/ validation but does not really intend to cheat. If this is the case, he is not emotionally healthy and would not make a good partner. You will never be able to fulfill him- not because you are not good enough- but because he is a bottomless pit. He will constantly pursue outside sources of attention because he is not content with himself. 2) He wants to cheat. From my perspective, the motivation or intent should not matter. What matters is the action. He has a GF, that he lives with, and he is sneaking around, lying to girls about being single, refusing to acknowledge you on facebook, and flirting with and complimenting other women. You deserve better. If you keep quiet and accept this, it will only get worse. If your man is only as faithful as his transportation options, that's a bad sign.
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