pineapples Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Would you stay in a relationship with him? Would you be able to forgive? Is this something you could live with? Or do you think it is absolutely disrespectful? And would you dump him immediately? I am really curious.
venusianx13 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Well, when i was on a dating site and met a man who seemed really into me (was very aggressive, we met once and were planning our second date), he actually had the nerve to tell me: "Since I've met you, I haven't been interested in meeting or talking to anyone else." Yet, when I would log onto my site, he'd always be logged in. Um, lie number one. I wrote him off as a player and didn't continue seeing him. The next man I met told me the same thing and deleted his profile very soon thereafter. Actions speak volumes.
Author pineapples Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Thanks. So your answer to the question is 'no' ?
venusianx13 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 No, not after having dated for well over a decade and knowing not to put up with that kind of bs anymore.
veggirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 f*** no I wouldn't. Early on in dating, okay. Once exclusivity is established "in a relationship" like you said in your OP, it needs to be DOWN. I mean I'd prefer it sooner if I was dating online, like I mean if a guy really likes you why would he keep it active...but, I'd accept it as active up until we decided we are in a R. If it was still up once we are in a R, "hey, can you take that down please?" If he didn't take it down after that, BYE!! Why do you ask? 1
zengirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 With a man who was in a R with me but maintained an active dating profile? No. I mean if it's on a social site where one could also find friends and his profile clearly listed that he was with someone and only maintained it socially, then maybe. If there was a good reason for it and it didn't look suspicious. But generally: Hell no.
truth_seeker Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Thank you. Anyone else? As a guy, I can tell you if I am into a girl, and want to be exclusive with her, the profile comes down immediately. There is NO reason to keep it up if you are the one.
Demeter Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I honestly wouldn't. If he really does love you and is committed, why would he still be active on that site? Is he hoping to find a different woman while he has you on the side? He better not because that's really disrespectful to you and you shouldn't tolerate that..
Author pineapples Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 f*** no I wouldn't. Early on in dating, okay. Once exclusivity is established "in a relationship" like you said in your OP, it needs to be DOWN. I mean I'd prefer it sooner if I was dating online, like I mean if a guy really likes you why would he keep it active...but, I'd accept it as active up until we decided we are in a R. If it was still up once we are in a R, "hey, can you take that down please?" If he didn't take it down after that, BYE!! Why do you ask? So basically I had this conversation with a friend (NOT boyfriend), and this friend said that women generally tend to overreact on this issue, and it is really not such a big deal, otherwise men would not be doing it, and how much your partner likes you has nothing to do with it. The friend also said, that there is a big difference if a woman goes online, because women get hundreds of messages a day, but when a guy does it - no one cares, no one writes them, and if he writes to someone, probably he would not get a reply anyway. I do not have any experience in online dating, so I do not know. But the friend said that I was really making a big issue out of nothing, and most men do it anyway. And that it should not be a reason for a break up, (I disagree). Just wanted to know what you guys think.
Author pineapples Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Thanks everyone. Would be nice to hear from a woman who is in a relationship with someone who is active on dating sites.... But I guess no one would admit it.
Silly_Girl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 No way, no how. On our second date we each shared whether we were chatting to or seeing anyone else. We had both lost interest in anyone else by the 3rd date and whilst it wasn't an 'agreement' as such we just stopped the online thing at that point. If I had then found out he was doing it I'd have gone nuts. No, actually I'd just have gone.
Silly_Girl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Thanks everyone. Would be nice to hear from a woman who is in a relationship with someone who is active on dating sites.... But I guess no one would admit it. One of my best friends would log back in and view the profile of the guy she was seeing, and be pissed off that he'd been on in the last X amount of days then I pointed out that he may be doing the same to her and that game could go on forever. She later found out he cancelled that profile but continued one elsewhere she didn't know about.
truth_seeker Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Right now, for him to have the profile still active means he is not sold on you just yet. Is it possible he is still active to see if you're active, ie, checking up on you? If I were you, take down your profile and see if he does the same. If he doesn't take his profile down, have a talk with him about it. See how he reacts. If you come away with a bad feeling, that he is making excuses, lying to you, walk away.
Author pineapples Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Right now, for him to have the profile still active means he is not sold on you just yet. Is it possible he is still active to see if you're active, ie, checking up on you? If I were you, take down your profile and see if he does the same. If he doesn't take his profile down, have a talk with him about it. See how he reacts. If you come away with a bad feeling, that he is making excuses, lying to you, walk away. I am not active on the site, I have never used online dating sites. He has several accounts, and although not very active, he does upload new pictures every few months, and states he is looking for a long term relationship. To be honest, I do not really care about how often he goes there, once he is there, he is there. Actually, I have already dumped him, but the thing bothers me, because a few people keep telling me that nobody is perfect, and I should focus on his good side, and forget /forgive... But I can't.
veggirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 So basically I had this conversation with a friend (NOT boyfriend), and this friend said that women generally tend to overreact on this issue, and it is really not such a big deal, otherwise men would not be doing it, and how much your partner likes you has nothing to do with it. The friend also said, that there is a big difference if a woman goes online, because women get hundreds of messages a day, but when a guy does it - no one cares, no one writes them, and if he writes to someone, probably he would not get a reply anyway. I do not have any experience in online dating, so I do not know. But the friend said that I was really making a big issue out of nothing, and most men do it anyway. And that it should not be a reason for a break up, (I disagree). Just wanted to know what you guys think. Is your friend that is giving you this terrible advice a man who is in a R yet still maintains an active profile or something? Cause he sounds awfully defensive. I *really* do not think that it is "overreacting" to tell a person you are in an exclusive relationship with "I am not okay with you active on a DATING WEBSITE" I mean...hello...? It's just common sense... I am not active on the site, I have never used online dating sites. He has several accounts, and although not very active, he does upload new pictures every few months, and states he is looking for a long term relationship. To be honest, I do not really care about how often he goes there, once he is there, he is there. Actually, I have already dumped him, but the thing bothers me, because a few people keep telling me that nobody is perfect, and I should focus on his good side, and forget /forgive... But I can't. Well if you asked him to take it down and he refused, that is 100% a dumpable offense. I'm not sure why anyone would ever tell someone to "forgive / forget" their SO being active on a dating site...that is ridiculously bizarre..
Author pineapples Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Thanks veggirl. Is your friend that is giving you this terrible advice a man who is in a R yet still maintains an active profile or something? Cause he sounds awfully defensive. Didn't think of that. Could be. Well if you asked him to take it down and he refused, that is 100% a dumpable offense. I'm not sure why anyone would ever tell someone to "forgive / forget" their SO being active on a dating site...that is ridiculously bizarre.. Suppose it is someone really close to you. A close family member, who wants the best for you, is (surprisingly) telling you that you should stick with him. Mainly because the guy has a lot of 'good' qualities. For example, he leads a healthy lifestyle, doesn't smoke or drink, has a good job and is very hard working, and everyone really likes him. In other words, my family is putting a bit of a pressure on me, saying he is such a good catch, making it extremely difficult.
ScienceGal Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Thanks veggirl. Didn't think of that. Could be. Suppose it is someone really close to you. A close family member, who wants the best for you, is (surprisingly) telling you that you should stick with him. Mainly because the guy has a lot of 'good' qualities. For example, he leads a healthy lifestyle, doesn't smoke or drink, has a good job and is very hard working, and everyone really likes him. In other words, my family is putting a bit of a pressure on me, saying he is such a good catch, making it extremely difficult. If you're exclusive there is no reason for him to be on a dating site. I have ZERO tolerance for this. So your family wants you to stick by this guy because he looks good on paper? Do they want you to marry him? What do you want, a man that is going to treat you well and be faithful or a guy with a wandering eye? We all make choices for different reasons, so I guess you need to decide what you want. If the "other" qualities matter more than faithfulness, then I guess you should stick with him.
Leopard Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 If I found out a guy I was dating was on a site, I would immediately be put off and I would most likely not see him again. To me, online dating is for people who have trouble in the real world. If they have trouble in the real world, it means they have serious issues to the point where they are resorting to online dating. If I found out my boyfriend was actively on a dating site, I wouldn't really care. Although I would think less of him. I mean seriously? Online dating?
Sugarkane Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I did but we weren't exclusive and still getting to know each other. He put huge pressure one to sleep together. I regret it. I confided in my therapist and she had a go at me for always wanting to know where things are going. I had an argument with the guy. He accused me of giving him mixed messages , but that's all he did with me. I asked him about his profile. He said he was getting a lot of responses. He is a hypocrite. Then after being hot and aggressive, went ice cold on me. I never want to see him again.
RedRobin Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Coming from a woman who works around all men... and has lots of male friends... Word up... The guy is keeping his options open, fishing out potentials and probably chatting them up while he is in a relationship with you. Your family isn't the one who will have to live with the guy. You are. Choose wisely.
daphne Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Nope. The last guy I dated went back online after the exclusivity talk, and I tried to dump him. He came up with some bs excuses and unfortunately I knew he was full of crap and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'll never do that again in that scenario. Shortly after, he decided to dump me. The current guy I'm seeing turned off his profile after a couple of dates. He told me he didn't want to screw up and do what the last guy did so he figured he'd just stop dating others and focus on me. Actions do speak louder than words.
newmoon Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 i would be ok with it if the profile was up, but not active. usually you can see when the person last logged in; if he's logging in regularly, that is a red flag and i won't give the relationship/him much interest. sometimes these dating sites make you sign up on multi-month or yearly plans and it might just be he is waiting for the subscription to end. always give the benefit of the doubt until you shouldn't anymore :-)
FitChick Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 sometimes these dating sites make you sign up on multi-month or yearly plans and it might just be he is waiting for the subscription to end. You can still hide your profile.
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