Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Two rapid tests positive. Sh**. These can produce false positives, so more tests to confirm. Again in 6 weeks to confirm. Only then is it official. Unreal......like my feet have been taken out from under me......inappropriate beyond belief...need to talk to family...need a western doctor for a second opinion. Want to be alone for a while to think.
Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Anyone know about these toothbrush type looking tests? No doctors awake in N.A. to talk to me.
2sunny Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I'm sad to hear that. Better reason to never speak to her again. Do take care.
Owl Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Why are you there, in that country, as a foreign national? Personally...I say it's time to return to the "west". Given what she's done to you...I WOULD walk away and leave her high and dry. She's done nothing to deserve your love, trust, or support. NOTHING. Cut your losses. I don't know that I'd even bother to file for divorce...I'd simply leave the country...and bring her passport/paperwork with you when you do...or burn it on your way out.
alexandria35 Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 I'm sorry Blue. You said your family wants you to come home and I think they're right. You should just go home.
Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Why are you there, in that country, as a foreign national? I came here with my first wife five years ago. She cheated on me with a coworker while I was in another city. I threw her out and never gave her a second look. We were both 28 at the time and I have since reckoned this to be immaturity. I stayed here because the work prospects were good and I had decided on a sort of spartan sort of lifestyle. Then she came along, and I fell in love. Personally...I say it's time to return to the "west". I can return, but I will lose what is dearest to me, which is her and my baby. Given what she's done to you...I WOULD walk away and leave her high and dry. She's done nothing to deserve your love, trust, or support. NOTHING. We tested today, and she is also positive on this type of test. There is a very slight possibility that the test is indicating false positives, but it seems we know now. Did she intend on giving me HIV? To punish her for giving me this disease is disproportionate to its circumstances. We are together right now and trying to figure out the next step, which is difficult because there is a lot of discrimination against HIV positive people both in China and in the immigration process. Cut your losses. I don't know that I'd even bother to file for divorce...I'd simply leave the country...and bring her passport/paperwork with you when you do...or burn it on your way out.. What about my child? What about her? I didn't marry her for no reason. I appreciate all your advice, but how many of you would leave your pregnant wife in a foreign country while inflicted with HIV? Again, it doesn't matter when or how the HIV came about, it is just part of the consequences of infidelity. It is a serious one, but I have to keep my head together and understand that this woman, my wife, is holding my child. She wants to give me the baby and will try her best to make sure it happens. We can try our best to make sure the baby is not HIV positive. In this case, we are giving our lives to each other if we move forward, because we are both limited. All thoughts welcome at this point.......
Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 I'm sorry Blue. You said your family wants you to come home and I think they're right. You should just go home. I think that is nice, but if you had seen my home, you may think otherwise. My family's intentions are great, but their reality is something contrary to what I want for any person on this planet.
2sunny Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 You're still with her? You need to do some soul searching! This woman gives you HIV and you plan to stay? Man oh man - I'm left wondering why you aren't angry enough to tell her what she did is completely wrong! I would have NOTHING further to do with her. You don't even know if it's your child. Her actions need consequences. You staying is not a healthy choice for YOU!
Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 You're still with her? You need to do some soul searching! This woman gives you HIV and you plan to stay? Man oh man - I'm left wondering why you aren't angry enough to tell her what she did is completely wrong! I would have NOTHING further to do with her. You don't even know if it's your child. Her actions need consequences. You staying is not a healthy choice for YOU! Who doesn't know it is completely wrong? She is not denying it was wrong! My soul searching, however deep that may be as a bioethicist, has found me, her and forgiveness as a reason to move on. Maybe I am unduly harsh to all suggestions because I have been through divorce before....I may be a doormat now.
Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 taking the dog for a 2 hour walk worked wonders for my mind. A small suggestion to all those frustrated people.
Owl Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 OK...so...she's the love of your life, and you're going to stay with her no matter what advice you've been given here to the contrary. That's your choice to make, clearly. So...what advice are you hoping to get from us folks here on LS? What support are you truly looking for? I don't know that we've got anything left to offer...you've already indicated that you know what you're going to do. I wish you the best of luck...hope it all works out the best that it can for all three of you. You, her and the baby. 1
2sunny Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Ok I get it. Can't help the doormat when you WILLINGLY offer her THAT role. Best wishes for you. 1
Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Ok I get it. Can't help the doormat when you WILLINGLY offer her THAT role. Best wishes for you. Will it work out better than this? Honestly? Given all circumstances, what more do I have to look forward to? Doormat or not, I still have some human connection. What is my life to be as HIV+? The is hard, and to make it worse, my dog is looking at me weird........like he is affected but not at the same time....
Author Blue2345 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Will it work out better than this? Honestly? Given all circumstances, what more do I have to look forward to? Doormat or not, I still have some human connection. What is my life to be as HIV+? The is hard, and to make it worse, my dog is looking at me weird........like he is affected but not at the same time.... Faff you all.....
Owl Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 Faff you all..... Not sure why you're angry. You posted a thread with the title of "Should I go, and where"...and then got upset with and refuted every poster who said "Yes...back home". Again...what is it you want us to tell you?
alexandria35 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Blue I don't know if you are still reading here but I just want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Your head must be all over the place right now and it will take a while for things to settle down enough for you to be able to make any kind of permanent decisions. I also want to tell you that being HIV positive doesn't mean your life is over. I have an aquaintance who was diagnosed for HIV about 22 years ago and he is still here. He was already married with one small child and another on the way when he was diagnosed. I don't know how or when he got it as I was never close enough to him or his family to know those details. I just know that somehow by some miracle neither his wife or his children have it. I also know there have been some close calls a few times where he became dangerously sick and was hospitalized for minor illnesses, but for the most part, by taking daily medications and being careful, he has lived a full life of marriage, parenting, working, taking vacations, etc...So don't let this diagnosis swim around in your head until you feel like its going to explode. Instead get out there and learn all you can about it. Find out how to take care of it and learn how others go on living and loving with HIV. Best of luck to you. 1
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