3rd Wheel? Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Ok, here's my story. I have a best friend for years. We are roommates too. I trust her with my life and vice versa. We are both in our 30's. She dates many men. She has an on-again off-again boyfriend for about 10 years but has dated 6 other men in the last few months. (Just for the record, there is no judgement on my part about her dating habits. She's not committed right now and is old enough). None of these guys have really been that important to her and she usually dumps them or sees them much less often then they'd like. Anyway, she met a guy where she works (she bar-tends) about 2 months ago who she added to 'the dating list' . We'll call him Phil. She told me about him. "he's cute, he seems nice, etc..." She exchanged numbers with him and I think had gone out with him once when I met him (at the bar where she works). We had an immediate connection. Not really romantically, just really connected. Every time I'd visit her at her job, he'd be there and hung out with me the entire time (she'd be working). He was very affectionate. Always touching my hair. Always stayed right by my side. If I didn't show up, he'd make her call me to come down. One time he came in the bar after me, while my friend was working and asked me to go to another bar with him. Not to cheat on her, just because he needed a friend I think. Also, I think she was already starting to blow him off at that point. It didn't matter. He was dating my best friend. I never even considered going with him. I did however, think if I had met him first what would have been. I really really could have liked this guy. But...it was not going to happen, right? I had to forget it, and did. Last week, she really didn't like him anymore. She would tell me how annoying he was that he called her and everything he did turned her off. She liked him as a friend, that's all. She and I were drinking Saturday night and she said "I have to ask you something" I said "ok" she said "what about you and Phil?" I was totally taken back. I said "uh, you're dating Phil" and she said "what if I wasn't ?" I shook my head and told her it didn't matter, this conversation was weird and I said "you're already are dating him, that's it." She started to tell me how she really wasn't interested in him and how obvious the connection between him and I was. She mentioned how he was always touching my hair and he never did that to her and maybe, if he had met me first, he'd want to go out with me. I kept trying to dodge the conversation but she wouldn't let me. She said, she really didn't want him and I was her best friend and if we were meant to be, she'd be happy for us. So I gave in. I told her how I did notice the connection but ignored it because of her. I told her how he'd asked me to leave with him one night while she was working, just as friends of course etc... She seemed happy for me and him, for us that this might happen. I really believe that's what she felt. She is after all, my best friend. Of course Phil has no idea at this point that we just traded him..lol Well, you know what I mean... So what happened next? I woke up around 10am Sunday to find her on her way out to the beach with Phil. She and I were supposed to go to a BBQ that afternoon together. She said she'd be back in a couple of hours. Ok, whatever. She got back at 8pm only after she met his family and had dinner with all of them???? Am I crazy??? I feel like an idiot. Almost like she took my potential boyfriend!! I asked her that night " So what's up? do you like him again????" She said "no, I just had no-one to go to the beach with me" (by the way, I don't like the beach and she knows that) So......I left it alone. Then that night, we went to the BBQ late and he was there too and they held hands all night! She would barely stand near him before our conversation. What do you all think?
magda Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 I think you're acting like her best friend and she's not acting like your best friend.
sweetadeline Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Motion carried. Develop your other friendships, but seriously consider ending this one.
3rd Wheel Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply. I guess I'm just wondering, does it seem like she suddenly became jealous after I told her how I did notice his attention towards me? Maybe the jealousy caused a reaction in her and now she does like him. I would hate to think this was a spiteful act on her part.
magda Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 She probably thinks that because you're interested he's suddenly worth more to go after. Maybe your approval of him makes him more interesting. Maybe she likes it and would like it if you're jealous. Whatever it is, she doesn't seem to care much about your feelings or the fact that she's a hypocrite. Forget the guy anyway. You might repair your friendship with her if you talk honestly about what happened. But what's this guy really worth? Not much.
miz_barby Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 How sad! I wouldn't trust her to tell her your feelings anymore. I know you're best friends but that was a ****ty thing to do! I agree she wants him again now that she knows you liked him! Maybe she liked him all along and was hurt because you two were getting close, OR maybe it's a territory thing for her, maybe she doesn't want him but doesn't want you to have him either! Distance yourself from her...at least I would.
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