klowzure Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) Both early 20's, in love, planned a life together... I neglected the relationship and pushed her emotions high/low/high/low every single day, I was blind to what I was doing to the relationship I had anger issues and trust issues, she got tired of it and had used up all of her fight and effort, she became unhappy and walked away... We went no contact and I didn't hear from her for 5 weeks, I reached out once or twice, she always responded but it always ended in flames... I couldn't believe after everything how little I seemed to mean to her, how she finds it so easy to just do this, I didn't know how she was feeling or thinking, what she was doing, I just knew that she had disappeared and acting like I never existed... After 5 weeks I contacted her with a long message about what she has done, how I feel and that I'm moving away out of the country, I told her what I think of her being a careless, cold and heartless bitch, and everything she told me must have been a lie if she is able to do this. She called, she explained that it has not been easy for her, but did not know what to do for the best, so she did nothing and kept going day by day, she said she's hurting to, she realised that she maybe should have tried to fight for us and should not have walked away but it's done now and she can't fix that. We talked for the first time about things, mostly going over everything we had already talked about... I explained that instead of waking up every morning wanting to kill her for what she has done, I would rather try to be "cool" and have things on "better terms", I only have 4 months left before I start a new life in the french foreign legion, I don't want to spend those 4 months heart broken over her wishing she would reach out and call or show her face. She invited me to her house, and we just chilled out and talked, mostly about the relationship.. semi-heated discussions, but we had general chat too, even laughed once or twice... I was dying for her to come over and fall into my arms, but she didn't, I offered to stay and keep her company for the night in her new house.. she said no thankyou but thanks for the offer it means alot, then I left... I woke up this morning feeling nowhere near as bad as I have felt for the past 5 weeks, no contact was KILLING me, I do feel crap now, I just want her more than ever, but it's not PAIN, it's WANT, where as during no contact it was just PAIN... I don't know what to do, I know I'm being a pussy guys, but I'm not a pussy in general, only she could make me this weak Edited July 19, 2012 by klowzure
headonstraight Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 klowsure, first off I'm sorry you are hurting. Secondly, you are not a "pussy", nor weak. You're a human being with feelings, emotions, and the like. We all are. That is not a bad thing! You seriously should consider NC again. It's been about 4.5 weeks for me, and believe me, it gets easier with time. I refuse to contact (or return calls/texts) from my ex GF and she's tried reaching out multiple times. I refuse to return her contacts for the exact reason you describe above: feeling down, miles from nowhere. No point in back-pedaling now. Move forward and use NC to heal. Focus on YOU, be strong, and go have fun.
Author klowzure Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 klowsure, first off I'm sorry you are hurting. Secondly, you are not a "pussy", nor weak. You're a human being with feelings, emotions, and the like. We all are. That is not a bad thing! You seriously should consider NC again. It's been about 4.5 weeks for me, and believe me, it gets easier with time. I refuse to contact (or return calls/texts) from my ex GF and she's tried reaching out multiple times. I refuse to return her contacts for the exact reason you describe above: feeling down, miles from nowhere. No point in back-pedaling now. Move forward and use NC to heal. Focus on YOU, be strong, and go have fun. I'm not strong enough she makes me WEAK, I've tried the moving on with ME and failed miserably, I woke every morning for 5 weeks straight feeling lower than I have ever felt in my life... "moving on" in the same surroundings without her is not an option for me... I hate myself for being so weak, but that's the reality
headonstraight Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I'm not strong enough she makes me WEAK An therein lies the rub, IMO. A real woman who loves you back should make you stronger. I suffered the same pain, and still do from time-to-time. It really does get better, if you focus on getting better. I promise!
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