Manu83 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and things are going well, he's very affectionate and lovely to me but I am so hung up over his ex. I am afraid we started seeing eachother when he was still with his ex; although they had already planned they would not be staying together as she would be moving back to France, they were still living together. But they are definitely over now. Anyway, so things are going well, however I cannot get over the fact there are so many photos of the two of them on facebook, on holiday or just out and about - some albums my boyfriend has put up and some photos put up by others. A couple of months of seeing eachother, we went away to Spain where I tried to take a few photos of us, but he was like "No, put the camera away" because he felt shy. Well, a few months later, I found out it was because he didn't want to upset his ex in case I put the photos up on facebook. (I understand this, but why not just tell me that at the time??) So we went away again recently - ten days in Morocco. Well...he was very trigger happy with the camera this time. I was a melodramatic woman, stating I would take pictures but not to worry as they wouldn't go up on facebook due to last time. He told me I was being an idiot and that he would be taking loads of pictures and be putting them up. Well he certainly took photos, but not put any up on facebook, and it's been a couple of weeks. I just feel he is SO all talk and he is very clever in making out as though he's doing something when he's not. I hate the fact that he is in regular contact with this ex and their photos are there in my face on facebook yet none of myself and him. Am I over-reacting? What should I do??? I'm at a loss and feel so upset. I know I should just get over it because he loves me, and a lot of people think facebook is silly, but how can I when he regularly goes on facebook and in these modern times when facebook is such a big thing, how can I get over it? I WANT him to out photos up of us!! Edited July 19, 2012 by Manu83 EDIT PARAGRAPHS
amantis Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 You are not over-reacting You are with him for 1 year and he dont want to put photos of you 2 on facebook ? You know that isnt normal . You say that he loves you ? really ? or he loves his ex and dont want to put photos of you 2 in case she wants him back ? Is that the only problem of your relationship or theres more ?
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 He seems to have a relationship with his ex that everyone pretty much knows as his true relationship, you seem to just be the current act. In terms of him being affectionate and lovely to you is nothing but how a man reacts and treats a woman...has no stake in how he feels about you in the relationship sense and whether he's over his ex or not. The relationship in fact still seems to be something he is holding onto....the fact that this has been going on for a year just goes to show what you're willing to deal with an accept..after all his friends/family are probably all on there..and him not wanting to take these photos down and not put any of you up shows he's still putting you in the backseat, you're the secondary relationship and he still holds onto and values this other relationship more than he does the current. He's obviously likely fed you a ton of excuses and downplayed the whole situation and since you love the guy you're basically going to be like most women out there and just deal with whatever he's willing to give and you may get upset and b!tch about it...but let's face it, the chances of you actually doing something about it is minimal, you have all these other ways of justifying your relationship and seeing him as a good guy and the potential of the relationship...It's all about potential and what a man may do in the future, that's how many women live in relationships of course with a thick glaze of emotions to keep themselves locked in a situation regardless. So yes you've been a fool for taking the back seat and letting him be incognito about this relationship.. Yes, he should obviously have photos on the FB of you guys together and removed the ex almost completely. Yes, you're not crazy and no you should probably not get over it...but you'll probably just deal with it anyway so what's the point in complaining? Yes you should communicate and express how you feel about it, and see If he puts the photos up because you're making him....but we'll go ahead and ignore the fact he should have done this himself If he was really into you and you were a priority. Women like to play naive when they already know the answers, you already know the answers to all of these questions it's pretty much common sense....It's going to come down to what you're going to demand or allow...once you accept what you're willing to deal with and sacrifice to be with this guy then just roll over and let it be then, why complicate it? he's already showing you how he really feels. In the end this guy will just manipulate you and put you down it seems like whenever you ask any real valid questions..so I guess that's going to be reality because you love him right? You started a relationship with this guy when his penis was still in another woman...what did you expect? You can't just be "ok" with everything and then expect a guy to change his behavior suddenly or b!tch less in the past then get more angry and b!tch more in the future and expect a guy to finally do something about it because you "gave it time"...you picked the guy the way he was, don't expect him to be anything else, he's already showed you, what you saw is what you got, it's your fault thinking you'd be able to change him, It's too late now. He's still not over his ex, If that isn't obvious.
YellowShark Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 More stupidness because of Stupidbook. Who exactly made Stupidbook a yardstick to measure relationships by? Oh... Ya... The people who use Stupidbook did. 1
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 "upset his ex" OP wrote, i'd put up a few photos on fb of me with a member of the opposite sex just before finding a better man to date, seriously, a big wide world awaits you OP, epic. 1
Author Manu83 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) Wow...that was certainly not what I wanted to hear but expected it. If I bring anything up with him, he will just tell me I'm being jealous. Also, all his family and friends know about me, including his group of friends that are also friends with his ex which makes me think he isn't hiding me. Also, when I had my moment of dramatics re photos in Morocco, he said to me "You know I've told my ex about you?" I'm still just so confused and angry. Edited July 19, 2012 by Manu83 extra info
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) darling, either the photos go or you do there are millions of men out there and a new happiness, this one is stale now cuz he gives you a hard time, he's driving you away, look at the way you need to post here Edited July 19, 2012 by darkmoon
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Wow...that was certainly not what I wanted to hear but expected it. If I bring anything up with him, he will just tell me I'm being jealous. Also, all his family and friends know about me, including his group of friends that are also friends with his ex which makes me think he isn't hiding me. Also, when I had my moment of dramatics re photos in Morocco, he said to me "You know I've told my ex about you?" I'm still just so confused and angry. They know about you...but where do they feel you stand in the picture of things? these people aren't going to condemn him in what he does because they'll be there If you're present or gone...doesn't really affect family, they'll just turn a blind eye to it after all what can they do? It's not like anyone is going to do you any favors and "bust" him for the sake of telling you where you really stand in this relationship or If it's even a priority. What do you think the family and friends think when they see pictures with his ex and not of you? "Oh he isn't really serious with this girl, he's not that into her"...they're not going to tell you that to your face...I can't imagine a guy being ecstatic and into a woman and then wanting to keep her in the background of his life...you can try explaining that to me or yourself. "You know I've told my ex about you?" Wtf? he's barely told his ex about you? and what exactly does he tell this ex "Oh I'm dating someone but I'm not really into her that's why she's not on my FB and I'm barely mentioning to you about her now...a year later"...seriously? that part is just a joke...that his "ex" seems to be everything your relationship is revolving around...you know why his ex is still around? because he wants it to be...that's it, It's simple...you could very well be the rebound girl to everyone and from what you've said and being the fact that he hopped off her and onto you that's what you surely are...you think he just transferred his emotions from her to you like flip flop?...what do you tell yourself? oh sorry...that you love him, I always forget. You should be angry because he's putting you on the backburner, you're a backup girl not front stage. As far as being confused, what is there to be confused about? that you love him more than he loves you and he still isn't over his ex?...If there's something I'm missing then I'm not seeing it. It's "confusing" because you make it confusing, cut through the BS and get right to the point.
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 nobody likes an ex hanging around - why should they?
iambookworm Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Have you talked to him about this? While I also believe that he is not yet over his ex, you need to tell him this, instead of saying stuff about facebook. Because if you presented this to him the way you did to us, all he will be hearing is that "you are making the facebook pictures an issue". If you break up with him, he is going to say "she broke up with me because of something stupid like facebook pictures." You need to let him know why you are upset without using facebook and the pictures as an excuse otherwise, that is all he will hear. He may or may not care for you, I really do not know. But whatever you feel, you need to let him know.
truth_seeker Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 He is still emotionally attached to his ex. Not a good sign. I would leave him as hard as that might be for you.
veggirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 You should break up with him. He is clearly not over his ex and the red flags are flapping wildly in your face! What would he do if you tagged him in photos? Does his FB state "in a relationship with you"? He is waiting around for his ex, he would likely leave you in a heartbeat if she returned to him. Note that they didn't break up because the R wasn't working, they broke up because of circumstances (her moving) and would likely still be together if she hadn't moved. The biggest problem is that HER feelings are more important to him than YOURS. "I don't want to upset my ex, don't take my picture"--UM WHAT? and you accept that? She is more important to him than you are, he couldn't make it clearer. Are you okay with playing second fiddle? I would've been out at the first obvious sign he was not over her and was valuing her over me. I'm sorry you wasted a year with this guy, please don't waste any more time and in the future don't settle for a guy who is still pining over his ex. personally I wouldn't even date a guy who was still in regular contact with an ex. Esp one that it sounds like they NEVER did no contact, never weren't in contact...he never even had a chance to get over her. You should not date someone so newly out of a R. 1
Casablanca Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I'd say there is some issue. Having pics of your ex up isnt an issue as I've kept up pics of exs, they are just history. But he seems to have issues with showing you off. After that long, you think a pic would have shown up by now.
pineapples Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Okay, not everything is black and white in a relationship, and it takes some time to forget an ex.... But. He is in a relationship with you, and does not even respect you enough to take those pics down, when he clearly knows you feel really bad about them?? You should dump him immediately. 1
Author Manu83 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 We did break up for two months in April, one of the reasons being I thought he wasn't over his ex...we got back together after he kept on calling me, wanting to get back together despite my attempts to cut all contact from him. If I tagged photos of him, I don't think he would mind...there have already be two photos of myself and him tagged by someone else up there...hence the reason I'm confused. If I was just a rebound for him, why has it continued for a year now?
FitChick Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Has he been to France to see her? Has she visited him? Does she have a new boyfriend?
Author Manu83 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 She came to London to visit friends and came to see him too; that was very early on in our relationship. She now lives in California and they occasionally chat on whatsapp.
veggirl Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 We did break up for two months in April, one of the reasons being I thought he wasn't over his ex...we got back together after he kept on calling me, wanting to get back together despite my attempts to cut all contact from him. If I tagged photos of him, I don't think he would mind...there have already be two photos of myself and him tagged by someone else up there...hence the reason I'm confused. If I was just a rebound for him, why has it continued for a year now? Because the other girl lives a zillion miles away. He just wants SOMEONE around. He is used to having a R, used to have a woman in his life. It's comforting for him. The bottomline is, actions speak louder than words. His actions say what? That his ex's feelings are more important to him than yours. Again, does his FB say that he is in a R, with you? Or even at all?
amantis Posted July 20, 2012 Posted July 20, 2012 We can tell you that he still loves his ex blah blah blah . You do know that something is wrong ? you can feel it ? If you like to feel like you are feeling stay with him , if you want to move on and find someone who likes you and can put a simple photo of you and him on facebook , you know what you have to do
Recommended Posts