jimbo54 Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 (edited) Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate those who read it and some advice or encouragement. I know there are far worse things going on in the world. Im 21 and in my second year at university. I was in a relationship with my first love/girlfriend for 2 years. She was fun loving, positive very good looking although she was kind and friendly she could also be immature. - About 11 months in I was having some problems with money as I had just finished school and was starting a gap year trying to find a job. I was struggling and a bit clingy ended up pushed her away and she started seeing another guy right in front of me for a while (I believe she cheated) she would lie and I would catch her out constantly making me worse. -I ended up finding out her facebook password and used it to keep an eye out. She was saying horrible things about me behind my back, again hurting me further. -After I managed to get my life on track with a job I stopped being so clingy and after confronting her about the guy (she would get very angry and defensive, even to the point where she would physically attack me pushing me into a lit bbq at one point, my guess is it wasn't innocent even though she had said they were just friends). She stopped seeing him and said she would never speak to him again saying she was sorry and wouldn't do anything like that again. -Things got better but I never fully trusted her again after that and became a bit insecure since she hung out with a lot of guys. -About 5 or 6 months later (1.4/1.5 years into the relationship) I had a look at her Facebook again and saw she was still saying horrible things about me and I couldn't understand why, but just took it as if she was just stressed or something. -At the same time I found she was going out getting drunk ans sleeping round two guys house in particular and would avoid talking about it and when confronted turned it on me for not trusting her. Although I found her friends saying she had been kissing one of the guys which she again denied. -By this point I became very depressed. I forced myself to keeping far too busy and avoid thinking/talking about everything. -A couple of weeks later she left her phone at my place, when she rung it to find it I answered and she said she'll pick it up later. After I hung up I noticed she had a missed call from her ex bf (who when we started going out said he used her for sex and didn't treat her right and she hated him). -I saw that she had rung him at 3am a couple of times I also found some saved flirty texts from the guy she had seen 5-6 months previous, I was very upset and confronted her. She said she was sorry, didn't know that was n there and that he had been ringing her and so she rung back to find out who it was. I wanted to break up but she kept crying saying she loved me and that she was sorry and I gave in and stayed. -I think I had lost my self respect by this point and didn't care and pushed people away. Whenever I was with her I felt like I didn't want to talk and almost wanted to push her away, I was scared of being hurt again, which made her clingy a little bit. -A couple of months passed and we were both left for uni. 2 months in and it almost felt as if it came out of nowhere but things started going wrong fast. We could only see each other about once per month due to distance. -When I went to visit her I was a bit stressed from uni work. She seemed very distant. We went out that night with her friends and she went nuts. We were dancing and she thought something was wrong I said nothing I was just a little tired and stressed from uni. I went to get a drink and she broke down crying on the dance floor in the middle of the club, her friends calling me an ass hole. I didn't know were this ad come from. We left with her friends, she had apparently been telling them that I didn't treat her right over the summer and she kept having to pick up the pieces of the relationship despite her lack of honesty. After talking and convincing her to try and work things out I went back to my uni. -2 days later she broke up with me and cut all contact, she had completely changed - angry that I apparently didn't treat her right (even though she had only just told me this a couple of days previous). I checked her Facebook and found she had already started sleeping with another guy. I was heartbroken and decided I shouldn't chase her and cut all contact. -I heard she slept around a lot afterwards but that she missed me a lot also which destroyed me. I had to stop hanging out with our mutual friends because just hearing her name was too painful. She started dating some of our mutual guy friends also and told everyone that I was an ass hole/ didn't treat her properly. I still don't speak to them. -Its been two years since the breakup, I haven't spoke to her and only a couple of times tried to look her up on Facebook (found out she has another bf now) or whatnot (I don't know her password). But despite all this, dating other girls, exercise, keeping busy with jobs work etc, hell I even moved universities, after I got over a lot of the pain/anger/disappointment/self hatred etc I still miss her especially now since its summer and I'm back home where we used to spend our time. It seems like I'll never meet a girl that I though was so perfect again I've been single ever since despite dating. Advice or comments would be very much appreciated. Edited July 19, 2012 by jimbo54
PainsChains Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 You'll meet someone new, bro. I know it's hard. But just keep moving forward. You did the right thing to cut contact. Really sounds like you had to. Stay clear of her and be confident in your decision. Once it gets to the point of no return, there's no point in returning - trust me on that. Girls can be really cruel. I know what it's like to love someone and be cheated on. My first love did that to me. She was around the same age as your girlfriend, too, 19 or 20. She cut contact with the guy when I found out about the two of them and we tried to work it out for a full 9 months after that, but I was just too hurt. I'd never dealt with anything like that before and didn't really know how. Anyway, after 9 months of trying to repair things she left me (we'd been living together) and she moved to a new state. She didn't know one person in the new town she'd moved to except for her mom and dad. Yet, in just two days, TWO, she'd already met some guy and was sleeping with him. I had her facebook password just like you and the first week she was away from me I read he'd bought her a toothbrush to keep at his place because she was staying with him every night. She was bragging about this and excited to tell her friends. God, it hurt so bad. Then a year later I found out she was pregnant with this guy's child. To this day she still has the same last name, so I don't think they got married. It's really sad. She really was an amazing girl and a good person, too. I wanted to spend my life with her. She had loved me so much, man, and I can tell you it was definitely true love. But girls have a different instinct. It's like survival. Many are weak and can't be alone and once they feel hurt - right or wrong - they move on FAST. I was like you. I didn't date another girl seriously for 2 years. I turned down lots of girls. I was just too hurt and it took me that long before I was feeling good again and independent enough to be even worth dating. Then I met my second love. She was a professional model. Still is. And I'd still be with her now if I'd opened up to her the way I had my first love. But I tried to take things slow because of how bad the first girl hurt me and after 1.5 years this second girl left me for another guy! She'd wanted a honey moon phase type relationship, a mad passionate love affair (like I'd had with my first love...), every guy's dream with a girl like that - yet I wouldn't give it to her! Can you believe that? EVERY guy who ever caught sight of her wanted that. Everybody but me! I was trying to keep things at a more manageable pace and it came back to bite me big time. lol. DON'T DO THAT! All I'm saying is that I know what you're going through. I know you think you won't find another one. But you probably will. Just don't be so caught up in the pain you experienced the first time around that you can't experience the happiness of the second time around. It's way worse when you botch it yourself! I was dating Helen of Troy and now I've got the blood of a lost war all over me and these battle wounds run deep, bro. They run deep.
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