First Long Distance Relationship- She Broke Up On the 357th day of 369. Damn It Hurts

[cyrus9]

Me and my ex-gf had been in an official LDR for 1 year and we've known each other for almost 2. Anyway we had 2 summers together that were amazing, fell in love, were the best summers of my life so we promised each other that we would spend next summer together and wait the 1 year we had to to see each other again until she can live with me in 2013. We live 6,000 miles apart but speak the same 2 languages and same culture.

 

Anyway this past year July 2011 - July 2012 she had the most brutal school year of her life, intense 8 hour a day studying nearly every school day for a year, she lives in a 3rd world country where like 11% of all people make it into University. So the first 6 or 7 months we had been in constant contact by Skype, email, phone call and texts mostly by email bc her parents are very serious about her studies. We talked about everything, from erotic to our future to movies to daily events to music, etc. Anyway her grades were dropping in January so her father only allowed her to contact me once per week, then after 1 month of this he said no more contact until her semester is over.

 

So we had almost no contact for 4 months, where she was studying like hell and eventually passed and became one of those 11% but didn't do nearly as well as she and her parents expected, she was an A+ student all her life and on the entrance exams got like a B+, so naturally they all blamed me (although never said it I could feel it). So literally 5 days after her semester ends she breaks up with me in a little email with almost no explanation except "Love you as a friend" & "Not ready for a serious relationship", "I didn't know myself" "I'm so young and inexperienced" I call multiple times and email her 4 or 5 times asking her what happened and telling her I love her and I don't understand etc.

 

Now it's 8 days and absolutely no response whatsoever. She has completely cut me out of her life, deactivated her own FB account, still has me on Yahoo IM and Skype and Viber. Worst thing is she waited until the 357th day of our 1 year apart to break up, and I found out from my cousin (her friend) that she had been planning to break up since 4 months ago and I couldn't possibly figure out why. I had been the best bf I could possibly be considering distance. I spent 2 months making her birthday present (she's the creative type who wants presents from the heart not the store), it was a short-story set in mid-evil times that had tons of our relationship secrets and pet names and stuff in it.

 

She absolutely loved it told me she'll remember this for the rest of her life, and that when we're together to always make sth for her birthday, not buy. She said out of all the ppl in her life she won't ever lose me. That being said I also made big mistakes, I did sent some really over-emotional, clingy emails that I would never do in a normal relationship but only bc I really wanted us to feel close bc everyone talks about "communication is huge in a LDR" and my biggest error was to share with her 2 depressing emails in which I was (not too seriously) contemplating suicide, they came across as really serious and I said I wanted to jump out a window or sth. She has depression and has contemplated suicide so I guess she figured she can't be with someone who is the same but I'm not suicidal at all, I had 3 months or so of depression for the first time in my life and I got help and I'm back to me again, have been for months. But before I could explain that to her she cut off all contact and hasn't responded to anything I wrote.

 

I know ultimately it's on me bc I am 24 and she is 18 and I should've showed nothing but strength but I guess I ****ed this one up. The worst part is that emails don't represent REAL life 100%, an email may have been written during a mood swing or whatever and can be easily

misconstrued. Emails always remain though and can be read over and over and I'm guessing (she has never told me) these are the reasons for her decision. I tried explaining how emails don't represent life completely but once women have something in their heads and have made their decision it's almost impossible to change their mind, especially with 6000 miles of distance.

 

I am sure she has bi-polar disorder and has shown it many times, I've asked her to get help but she will only take anti-depressants sometimes. Anyway my overly emotional (tbh too emotional) emails and those 2 depressed emails were only like 5% of all of our conversations during the year but I'm betting that is what did the relationship in. I'm her first ever boyfriend, she's a virgin and had never even kissed a guy before me. The positive is that I did so many romantic and sexy things even from a distance which she praised me for constantly and the fact that she's coming to my country regardless of our breakup and the fact that I've left a huge emotional mark on her brings me hope that we can be together again.

 

I will never make the same mistakes twice by sharing my thoughts with a girl, guys reading this she SAYS she wants you to do that but be very careful what you share bc they will remember and lose respect for you. The thing that sucks is that we are probably going to have little to no contact until 2013 bc of this, today was the last email I sent her. I'm done until she contacts me if that happens. The good thing is that she knows absolutely nobody on the East Coast of the USA and being only 19 that may get her to get in touch with me in which case I can WIN her back in real life the way I did in the summers 2010 and 2011. Real life is where I shine, that's where she fell in love with me twice, where idiotic

decisions over the internet won't happen. I really love this girl and even though I have the urge to contact her I will not at all, if it's meant to be then it will be next year.

 

It sucks that my dumb decisions have messed up our chance to spend this summer together, I'm an optimist. Things can always get better, I did do some damage but maybe she'll eventually see my point about real life =/= emails. Another positive fact is that she had absolutely NO plans to live in the US before I came along, when we we talking she mentioned how I'm the only reason she is coming to the US, she always wanted UK or some other European country, but she has told my cousin she is coming to the US. This gives me hope but I know right now I need to completely back off and give her time.

 

Based on this story is there hope for us to get back together or did I completely **** this relationship up? I'm concerned my suicide and clingy emails have erased her image of a strong, confident person (which I am, had some traumatic things happen that caused my depression but I got help and got better) and made me look weak and needy. Her having to talk me out of my depression/suicidal thoughts was not good to say the least, it didn't make me look good but if a woman is in love will they eventually give the guy another chance?

Edited July 19, 2012 by cyrus9

[Morai]

I will never make the same mistakes twice by sharing my thoughts with a girl, guys reading this she SAYS she wants you to do that but be very careful what you share bc they will remember and lose respect for you. The thing that sucks is that we are probably going to have little to no contact until 2013 bc of this, today was the last email I sent her. I'm done until she contacts me if that happens. The good thing is that she knows absolutely nobody on the East Coast of the USA and being only 19 that may get her to get in touch with me in which case I can WIN her back in real life the way I did in the summers 2010 and 2011. Real life is where I shine, that's where she fell in love with me twice, where idiotic

decisions over the internet won't happen. I really love this girl and even though I have the urge to contact her I will not at all, if it's meant to be then it will be next year.

 

Being someone who is actually female, believe me when I say that is bull**** and makes you kind of look like a jerk. I don't want to date an emotionless robot. I want to date a human that I can relate to. Showing emotion doesn't make you weak and that's the typical guy mindset. Showing emotion means you feel close enough to someone to let them see that side of you.

 

You make it sound like you intend to manipulate her into loving you again and kinda full of yourself in the parts of your post I cut out. Trust me it won't work. Let her come to you if she wants to and leave her be if she doesn't. Not all women are hard-headed stone walls. We can't be if we want things to work long distance. If I were her reading your post, I'd actually be quite irritated.

[cyrus9]

Being someone who is actually female, believe me when I say that is bull**** and makes you kind of look like a jerk. I don't want to date an emotionless robot. I want to date a human that I can relate to. Showing emotion doesn't make you weak and that's the typical guy mindset. Showing emotion means you feel close enough to someone to let them see that side of you.

 

That's what I think too but in this situation perhaps less would've been more. Who knows though, even if I had done everything 100% perfect she might have still got cold feet and backed off. I don't believe that as I hold my self responsible but I accept the possibility of that.

 

You make it sound like you intend to manipulate her into loving you again and kinda full of yourself in the parts of your post I cut out. Trust me it won't work. Let her come to you if she wants to and leave her be if she doesn't. Not all women are hard-headed stone walls. We can't be if we want things to work long distance. If I were her reading your post, I'd actually be quite irritated.

 

I don't see how I'm full of myself, I treated her very well when we were together. You should have seen the romantic things I did for her. It would've made any girl feel like the most special in the universe. Maybe instead of this I should've said more sexual and erotic things but early in the year when I did that she said when I do she gets too horny and can't study.

 

Anyway I think you have the idea that I'm trying to "manipulate" her without understanding what I said. SHE is deciding to most likely come to the US where she has pretty much no one on this coast. SHE told me before she was only coming to the US for ME. That SHE doesn't want to live in America and wants Europe. I don't see how I am manipulating her by going out on a limb and saying that a 19 year old girl who arrives in a country 6,000 miles away from home where she knows nobody except ME and my family would contact me and likely start to have romantic feelings for me again. Given that I would be her Knight in shining armor teaching her the ropes of the US I think I have a fairly good shot. And if she loved me or loves me then she will stay faithful to me. I don't see how that's being full of myself although I could see how it might have come off that way. It's logical.