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I feel awful for people who arent attractive enough to get someone their attracted to

SteveC80

By SteveC80
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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I had a relationship that was based solely on this "animal attraction" you speak of, and guess what? It sucked. There was no depth, no bond to it beyond that.

 

I have a very strong connection to the man I am dating now, and initially, I didn't think he was my type, "looks-wise", but after getting to know him, he has become the most handsome man I've ever laid eyes on. :D

 

Theyre's a difference in eventually finding someone attractive who doesnt fit your exact physical ideal in every way as opposed trying to eventually find someone attractive who you think is physically unattractive at first

venusianx13 Established Member

venusianx13

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Sometimes, your perception of a person can change after you get to know them. Someone you see as "not attractive" may appear far more attractive than you initially thought if they have a genuine personality that works well with yours. I've seen seemingly oddly matched couples before, and they seemed truly in love (i.e. one partner was generally attractive, the other was not outwardly attractive - at least to me!). It's all subjective. There is no such thing as "true beauty" because it is different for everyone who perceives it. Likewise, a person can have a beautiful outward appearance, but if they treat you poorly or behave like a monster, your perception of their outward appearance will most likely change for the worse.

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avi_28 Member

avi_28

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When I first met my BF he said he was attracted to me right away...but I gained about 10 lbs that I lose and re-gain every now and then...from 145 to 155lbs and now I am unattractive to him...at 5'4 it's like he views me as a monster or something... It's hard when you come across someone who views you one way and one little change in that person and your viewed like it's the end of the world..

 

I am attracted to my guy but I know he isn't of me bc of my 10lbs weight gain...it's uncomfortable when we live in an area where half the girls who are either thinner than 145 or at 145 and have at least some curve get his attention yet he avoids looking at me at all costs when I am in a dress or swim suit...

 

 

#crazy

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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When I first met my BF he said he was attracted to me right away...but I gained about 10 lbs that I lose and re-gain every now and then...from 145 to 155lbs and now I am unattractive to him...at 5'4 it's like he views me as a monster or something... It's hard when you come across someone who views you one way and one little change in that person and your viewed like it's the end of the world..

 

I am attracted to my guy but I know he isn't of me bc of my 10lbs weight gain...it's uncomfortable when we live in an area where half the girls who are either thinner than 145 or at 145 and have at least some curve get his attention yet he avoids looking at me at all costs when I am in a dress or swim suit...

 

 

#crazy

 

Then lose 10lbs. Problem solved.

 

No...seriously. Lose 10lbs. And before any one starts bashing me, let me tell you if I thought for ONE SECOND that a change to my physical appearance made my wife less attracted to me (and it was something that I could change with a little work) I would change it without a second thought. And she would do the same.

 

In general, keep in mind that the reason why he is unattracted to you is not only because you gained 10lbs. It's also because you don't care enough about how he feels to lose it.

 

Now...if we are talking about scenarios that you can't help...accident, just gave birth to a child, medical problem causes you to gain weight...that's a different story. But if you gained this weight because you like to eat and don't get enough exercise, then it's on YOU.

Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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You would rather be alone, but other people would rather not.

 

You need animal lust, other people don't.

 

It's all priority and choice. There is no right or wrong.

 

I have a feeling this is somehow directed at me because i'm not physically attracted to my boyfriend and have made it clear in other posts. I won't lie, sex feels like a chore, but you can't have a relationship where every single aspect is an absolute pleasure.

 

I'm sure everyone has something they don't like about their partner that they deal with anyways for the sake of the relationship. One popular one is snoring. Lots of men snore and women don't dump their boyfriends for this reason. Women b*tch and nag, and many guys stick around because it's a small price to pay in comparison to the whole (for example if she is absolutely incredible in all other aspects and not a b*tch altogether).

 

That's why many people don't find it worth it dumping someone because they aren't physically attractive. To someone, like me, to whom sex isn't a high priority, then no-animal-lust is a very small price to pay.

avi_28 Member

avi_28

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Then lose 10lbs. Problem solved.

 

No...seriously. Lose 10lbs. And before any one starts bashing me, let me tell you if I thought for ONE SECOND that a change to my physical appearance made my wife less attracted to me (and it was something that I could change with a little work) I would change it without a second thought. And she would do the same.

 

In general, keep in mind that the reason why he is unattracted to you is not only because you gained 10lbs. It's also because you don't care enough about how he feels to lose it.

 

Now...if we are talking about scenarios that you can't help...accident, just gave birth to a child, medical problem causes you to gain weight...that's a different story. But if you gained this weight because you like to eat and don't get enough exercise, then it's on YOU.

 

 

I've apologized to him many times after my miscarriage re:the weight...so its still my fault he is unattracted to me... says its my problem, guess he's right.

Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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Hoe exactly is that supposed to be comforting for the average man? :confused: You lived it up in your twenties and played the field, and then when you are older and not AS attractive anymore, men are supposed to find comfort in the fact that now you are willing to settle for them? :laugh:

 

Sometimes I can understand men's resentments for women after rading a posting like this one. :rolleyes:

 

But I'm not discriminating, as a woman of course I wouldnt want a 40 year old man who played the field and only wants to settle down because his chances with the opposite sex diminish either... :sick:

 

 

Yes that dosen't sound ignorant at all does it.. What about the women who have been married and are single because their husbands are scum.. I'm not here to comfort the average man. I'm saying it how it is there is no such thing as forever. So get over yourself.

Edited by Quest4_TheLost
Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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I feel awful for people who aren't intelligent enough to distinguish between "their" and "they're," "then" and "than," etc.

 

 

I feel sorry for ppl who have to go and troll posts because they have nothing better to do then give english lessons.. Get a life!

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Posted (edited)
I feel sorry for ppl who have to go and troll posts because they have nothing better to do then give english lessons.. Get a life!

 

Probably not trolling...it's just a passive aggressive way of saying that someone's post reflects his or her relative intelligence and attention to detail. It's no different from him saying that he finds another person's post less credible due to grammatical errors.

 

 

What about the women who have been married and are single because their husbands are scum.

 

They picked 'em. It's like blaming the stove for burning the kid who touched it.

Edited by USMCHokie
Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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I can't stand ppl that are shallow and arrogant because they think they're just so hot!! Exactly the point another poster said guess what pal your looks will fade and whoever your with is going to fade aswell.

 

 

I never said anything about ppl playing the field until they're old and and settling for somone. Good luck on finding your ever lasting relationship. Divorce rates are through the roof. Chances are you will be single draggin your saggy behind around. Thinkin WOW all the guys or girls that want me now are the ones who are just as wrinkly as I am!! What a shame! Yes don't settle for anyone die alone anyone that is as shallow as the OP deserves it. :D

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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They picked 'em. It's like blaming the stove for burning the kid who touched it.

 

:(

That is not a very fair statement...

Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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Originally Posted by USMCHokie

They picked 'em. It's like blaming the stove for burning the kid who touched it.

 

 

This right here is bs and ridiculous.. 80% of people cheat but this dosen't mean you should have to put up with it. So someone goes 11 yrs great husband yadda yadda cheats and its that persons fault who picked them?

 

 

Well then its settled.. We should all die alone.. End of discussion :bunny:

Edited by Quest4_TheLost
Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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Probably not trolling...it's just a passive aggressive way of saying that someone's post reflects his or her relative intelligence and attention to detail. It's no different from him saying that he finds another person's post less credible due to grammatical errors.

 

Wow I love your intelligent way of trying to say I'm an idiot.. I guess thats why I was annoyed and said somthing about her post.. You don't know me and just because I decide to type THERE INSTEAD OF THEIR OR THEY'RE..

 

Get over yourselves seriously.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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Wow I love your intelligent way of trying to say I'm an idiot.. I guess thats why I was annoyed and said somthing about her post.. You don't know me and just because I decide to type THERE INSTEAD OF THEIR OR THEY'RE..

 

Get over yourselves seriously.

 

Ooooo someone is offended and taking it out on the wrong person! :laugh:

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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:(

That is not a very fair statement...

 

Unfortunately, life isn't fair sometimes.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Wow I love your intelligent way of trying to say I'm an idiot.. I guess thats why I was annoyed and said somthing about her post.. You don't know me and just because I decide to type THERE INSTEAD OF THEIR OR THEY'RE..

 

Get over yourselves seriously.

 

I respond to the posts, not the people.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Unfortunately, life isn't fair sometimes.

 

Allow me to elbaborate just a bit more. It takes two consents to form a relationship. The consent of the guy, and the consent of the girl. Unless it is an arranged marriage, each person has equal responsibility and accountability for the forming of the relationship.

 

Sure, it may have been a mistake, but if the boy hadn't decided to touch the stove, he probably wouldn't have gotten burned.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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Unfortunately, life isn't fair sometimes.

 

I guess my whole thing is that sometimes the person you decide to marry isn't who you thought they were...

Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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Life is about choices. Anyone can cheat. It isn't the persons fault that picked them that they couldn't keep their pants on.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I guess my whole thing is that sometimes the person you decide to marry isn't who you thought they were...

 

I completely understand that, and going back to the analogy, the kid probably didn't think the stove would be hot. It's just a product of youth; everyone makes mistakes. And unfortunately, modern media and popular culture encourage certain behavior and certain dating "preferences" which often lead to mistakes.

 

Notice how many people's priorities, values, and views of the ideal mate change as they get older. This is probably due to mistakes along the way...

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Life is about choices. Anyone can cheat. It isn't the persons fault that picked them that they couldn't keep their pants on.

 

You're right, anyone can cheat. However, there are certain characteristics and traits which lend to cheating behavior, and it's up to you to be able to identify and assess them, so that you minimize the chances of being with a cheater. Or you can ignore them and take your chances. At the end of the day, we all choose to be with the ones we're with.

Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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You're right, anyone can cheat. However, there are certain characteristics and traits which lend to cheating behavior, and it's up to you to be able to identify and assess them, so that you minimize the chances of being with a cheater. Or you can ignore them and take your chances. At the end of the day, we all choose to be with the ones we're with.

 

 

Characteristics? Like 5"9 ppl cheat or people that lie will cheat? Everyone lies lol and I can definetly avoid dating ppl 5"9. I'm sry but I think that theory is pretty much crap. A person that has a history of cheating suuure. Especially since I'm sure sooo many ppl are honest about that kind of thing.

 

I will say it again.. (It is NOT your fault if your partner cheats on you) I don't care how you try to spin it and place bs accountability. They have 100% of the accountability for their actions.

 

Fire will always be HOT! People are not fire. I don't really care what cute little scenerio or witty statment in 50 words or less you put in on the subject. The fact won't change that we are not responsible for other peoples actions.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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They have 100% of the accountability for their actions.

 

And you have 100% accountability of yours.

Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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And you have 100% accountability of yours.

 

You can't REACT to somthing that hasn't happend yet can you?

Yes I am 100% accountabil for not having ESP. :)

 

Thank you for showing me the error in my ways!

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