tiredofex Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Hi, Do you think it is ok for my gf to keep in touch with ex-bf? Why would she want? I always thought that women do this for ego and security blanket. If we are doing well, why does she need to keep that relationship going? It is not that the other guy is being a problem, but why keep it going? Thanks
danielle_rae Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Well, sometimes a girl still has a sort of connection with her ex, not like a love thing or anything, but she may still want to keep a certain bond, such as friendship. Im going though the same thing, and my boyfriend is trying to understand that i just talk to my ex so I have someone there for advice and things.
tiredofex Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 why the ex-bf? Why not your girl friends or current boyfriend? Why is your ex part of your support? Isn't that the same as a security blanket? is that to make you feel more wanted/attractive when your bf does not make you feel as special. I truly do not mean to be rude. I am just trying to understand why when you have girl friends or bf you need that extra support. Thanks
brittanyjean259 Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I wouldent like that eather, but you have to think of it like this....if you really trust your girlfriend... they did have a relationship together..so instead of that they decided to be ex's( friends)...when you dump a friend their is nothing between you any more but there is always a chance of two things between this scenario try to see when she calls him, does she call him when you guys are fighting? does she hang out with him? and how long have they been broken up for? ask your self these questions ,dont get jealous...talk to her:)
Its Not A Tumaaa Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 My girlfriend still talks to her Ex Boyfriend a lot. She lived with him for five years and was engaged to him. He calls her like constantly and is pretty much obsessed over her, but I know she doesn't like him at all like that. She says he's sad a lot, but likes that I treat her really well. She lets him know how happy I make her. It's kind of weird at first, but you get used to it. It's really not a big deal that she still talks to her Ex. I still talk to one of my Exs. Hell, maybe if you talked to one of your Exs again, that'll make you feel better.
Cupcake Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 JK, but no, not really try to see when she calls him, does she call him when you guys are fighting? does she hang out with him? and how long have they been broken up for? I agree. If she is calling him only when the two of you are fighting, it's definately an ego and security thing. Personally, I've had nothing but problems from ex's still in the picture. The only ligitimate excuse (IMO) for ex's to be still involved is when they have children together. Otherwise, it's BS and a risky situation for the new GF/BF. I'm not friends with any of my ex's. Actually, I remained friendly with my first love after our break up. But soon, the two of us began dating other people. It was awkward for us to keep in touch without making our partners jealous. And neither of us felt so strongly for each other that we would risk losing our new loves for a relationship that was obviously going nowhere. So I think that is the key. When we become involved with someone who is still involved with the ex, we have to consider, how strong is the bond. Would they be willing to end the (friendship) with the ex in order to savor the (love) with someone new? If not, you clearly see who has priority, you, or the ex. I want to be priortiy in my lovers life, especially when compared to an ex. Otherwise, the ex is not really an ex!!
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I'm still friends with my ex. We dated for about four years, but for the latter two years we weren't having any sex at all. There was no kissing, no hand holding, no romance, no saying "I love yous".... we were basically just good friends who were afriad to let go. But finally I did end it when I fell for another guy, but he and I do still talk at least once a week and get together every other week or so. I think it's definitely possible to remain friends with an ex, especially if there wasn't any passion to begin with. I've even thought of setting him up with some of my co-workers, but then figured he probably wouldn't agree to it. He's still a great guy. I didn't break up with him because he's a jerk or anything like that. He'll make somebody really happy and will make a great spouse- just not the guy for me, that's all. I couldn't keep on living a passionless relationship. So to all those people who say there's no reason to stay friends with your exes, I would say that's true in some relationships- I haven't stayed friends with all my exes. But you can't just make a blanket statement like that because it doesn't hold true in all cases.
kitkat826 Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I still speak with my ex occasionally. I'm not sure if his gf knows about us keeping in contact, but its about 85% harmless. Occasionally we talk or reminisce about the past, and he apologizes for certain things. I think he has some emotional baggage that he needs to let go of. Then again, I probably do too, but because he's the one with the gf and I don't want to be inappropriate, I let him contact me. Lately, I know he has been calling because he's heading back to Iraq and is most likely feeling the need to connect with people before he goes. On average, we speak once a month. We were together for the most part of four years, were almost engaged and went through many long distance periods, as well as his year long deployment in Iraq. I consider him a good friend, and probably will for at least another couple of years.
J dub Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I am still friends w/ my ex, but I am very much in love with my bf and the ex has nothing to do with my bf....its just a coincidence that I happened to have formed a deep friendship with a guy I used to date. We dont flirt or do anyhting suspicious tho. If your girl lets you know when shes around/talks to her ex, and she doesnt hide anything from you, I wouldnt worry about it. It's when they start lying and hiding stuff that you need to ask urself if you want to be a part of that.
anonymousgrl Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 When I started dating my boyfriend, his ex FWB kept calling and calling, even though he stopped their relationship a few months before he met me. I let it go one for a few weeks, then one day I broke down and told him that it is completely inappropriate for her to call on weekends, and for him to take her calls just to be nice. They also work together, so just made it worse for me. She was a nut case. I don't believe in maintaining close ties with ex's and I expect the same out of my boyfriends. If they love you, they will cut off the contact with that ex if they know it bothers you.
TonyC Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 me and my ex broke up like 6 months ago, and i was so hurt during these 6 months, she had already moved on and was seeing someone else, but as soon as she realized i didnt care anymore she began to call me and come around my house and even have sex with me, but then when i would tell her to be with me again she would say she cant, cause she is not in love with me...girls make no sense sometimes man, one day they can tell you how much they care and the next they are off with someone else. i could use some advice of my own..anyone? should i keep having sex with her eventhough its hurting me, or should i just forget about her and move?
glittergurl Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 My husband stayed in touch with his ex-gf, and it's been pi$$ing me off from the start. He kept telling me it's just a friendship he doesn't want to loose, but even just that made me feel VERY insecure. I eventually contacted her, told her not to talk to my man EVER again, and she didn't. She somehow disappeared from our lives since then, and he doesn't seem to care too much now; maybe he just needed to keep in touch right after they split up because he didn't want to have bad feelings about their split? I don't know. But I'm sure glad it's over.
Tangerina Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 geez, I think if you are going to devote multiple years of your life to someone there is obviously something there besides the romance... because when you break up you are agreeing that a life together won't work out for whatever reason, but it doesn't mean that you both aren't still kind, interesting people who have a lot in common... ideally I would like to stay friends with my ex (and I am 100% over him romantically and in love with someone else) but he isn't so sure about that because he still has feelings for me, but if it could work out to be friends I would put energy into that because I know we could have a good friendship... what I would absolutely not do would be to pursue the friendship to the detriment of my new relationship... but I hope that in time it does work out to be friends... my Boyfriend is really good friends with one of his ex LTR girlfriends and they are in Search and Rescue together and hang out but I know they are 100% just friends and she is with someone else so no problem there.... his other ex LTR girlfriend isn't in the picture so much but they still talk like a couple times a year and I have even met her but that one makes me uncomfortable because he still has some feelings for her.... but at the same time there really is no contact there and he doesn't want to be with her because it didn't work out for about 1000 reasons and he is 100% committed to me so I put up with the tiny bit of jealousy so that he can live his life (if I felt like there was actually something to be threatened by I would put a stop to it, but there isn't)... I know he is a bit insecure about my ex too since he met me when I wasn't 100% over him, but he also knows that it isn't a real threat and swallows the jealousy so I can keep my good friend.... ideally (if there is actually a friendship worth saving) I think it is perfectly healthy for exes to be friends as long as it doesn't hurt the current relationship....
Cupcake Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I think it is perfectly healthy for exes to be friends as long as it doesn't hurt the current relationship.... I think 100 percent of the posters, including myself, agree with this. Unfortunately, 97.9 percent of the time, ex's DO cause problems in the current relationship because the priority of those relationships is often placed above the current relationship. The few cases posted here that have worked out are LUCKY and RARE. Ex's should be a low priority: so low that keeping or ending the relationship is no big deal. When you love someone else, you should make decisions that are best for BOTH of you, not just yourself. Relationships with ex's usually aren't shared between both partners, therefore, they are selfish and unhealthy pleasures.
Cecelius Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Depends on what level of contact there is. I can see no reason for your g/f to speak to the dude more than once in a blue moon. And it is never in my picture for for my g/f to hang out with a dude whose rod she used to polish. On some things, there shouldn't need to be trust -- if your g/f needs that connection, for whatever reason, I usually just take it to mean that she's not ready for a new relationship or she's the dependent type of personality. The odd email is nothing improper.
glittergurl Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I think 100 percent of the posters, including myself, agree with this. Unfortunately, 97.9 percent of the time, ex's DO cause problems in the current relationship because the priority of those relationships is often placed above the current relationship. The few cases posted here that have worked out are LUCKY and RARE. Ex's should be a low priority: so low that keeping or ending the relationship is no big deal. When you love someone else, you should make decisions that are best for BOTH of you, not just yourself. Relationships with ex's usually aren't shared between both partners, therefore, they are selfish and unhealthy pleasures. EXACTLY! I'll have to e-mail your post to my guy some time
dnm1010 Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 i am against being in touch with an ex significant other. i find it disrespectful on many different levels, especially if he/she still has feelings for you. i think sometimes relationships end on good notes but i think getting in a relationship has its consequences and one of those consequences is that if you break up one of you may be in a new relationship with a person that doesnt want you two to stay in touch. and if you keep in touch with your ex and then you start dating somone new, you should make it first priority to start a friendship between your new sig other and your old one, this way there is less jelousy and its more open. some of you said that an ex should be last priority.. but i think if i was a last priority for someone as a friend.. that i would not care for the friendship at all...
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