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Posted

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for close to 2 years. There seems to not to be any type of problems or would have been, however recently back in December. Well a little before that, he had been acting weird not initiating any type of Skype time or any type of intimacy. I know I know, it sounds somewhat weird. This went on for almost two months, so I figured something is wrong. So, I decided to check his email, low and behold I get in on his account, not thinking I'd actually be able, too. There it is those discreet sites you know the ones were its basically hook up sites, and encouraging partners to cheat on their gfs/bfs. I couldn't believe what I saw, he had emails from 3 different sites, so I happily logged into them on them he was saying things, My name is ___ looking for someone no strings attached nothing serious, but if that happens I'm ok with that, or I'm tired of jerking it, etc. Granted his accounts weren't premium, but still.

 

When he called me that day, I found this out two days after Christmas which stung. My initial plan was to break it off with him, and I almost did, but didn't. I let him know I knew, etc. He said he never cheated on me, he just wanted to go on there for ****s and giggles. I had pushed it out of my mind then, and just let it go. February came around, and it was valentine's day, it was a big issue again. I started actually telling him how I felt, but then I started to back down again. Around April or so, I had enough I told him I didn't trust him. I asked why did he do this to me. I'm his g/f, etc. I mean I let him have it. (Yes 4 months later and I decide to say something I know bad idea.)His excuses were lame. He apologized profusely saying it won't happen again, and he's kept to his word, but I'm not sure if I'll ever able to just trust him 100%.

 

It's bad enough to have someone sign up on those sites and be close distance, but to be LDR and go on those sites, makes it even harder. Thing is I'll never know again if he does have another account, I'm sure he made another email, which I'm not sure what it would be, or what would be on that account.

 

I'm not sure if I made the right decision by staying with him. I still obsess a little at times, cause my mind always goes back to it. I'm not sure really. Has anyone had this issue before with their SO going on another site? What was the result?

Posted
Really weird I am going through the same thing right now. Worse I have a baby with him and we live together. I want to leave him so bad but I dont because of our child. We are going to go to counselling together to resolve this.

 

In your case to be honest if you can't trust him now (which should be your bigest test ikr love) then how do you make it survive? If it weren't for my kid my bf would be booted, but I don't want a broken family. And if he doesn't change after this then I will be leaving him.

 

 

You seem to have a lot of negativity towards the fact that you have a child with him and you feel stuck because of this child. I know that probably isn't how you mean it but I think you should be more concerned about your child and often times that means getting out of a bad relationship even if that means being part of a "broken" family. How is it helping the child if their mom doesn't want to be with their dad? Especially if the parents relationship is so bad that it is hostile. Kids will pick up on that, no matter what their age is.

Posted
So, my boyfriend and I have been together for close to 2 years. There seems to not to be any type of problems or would have been, however recently back in December. Well a little before that, he had been acting weird not initiating any type of Skype time or any type of intimacy. I know I know, it sounds somewhat weird. This went on for almost two months, so I figured something is wrong. So, I decided to check his email, low and behold I get in on his account, not thinking I'd actually be able, too. There it is those discreet sites you know the ones were its basically hook up sites, and encouraging partners to cheat on their gfs/bfs. I couldn't believe what I saw, he had emails from 3 different sites, so I happily logged into them on them he was saying things, My name is ___ looking for someone no strings attached nothing serious, but if that happens I'm ok with that, or I'm tired of jerking it, etc. Granted his accounts weren't premium, but still.

 

When he called me that day, I found this out two days after Christmas which stung. My initial plan was to break it off with him, and I almost did, but didn't. I let him know I knew, etc. He said he never cheated on me, he just wanted to go on there for ****s and giggles. I had pushed it out of my mind then, and just let it go. February came around, and it was valentine's day, it was a big issue again. I started actually telling him how I felt, but then I started to back down again. Around April or so, I had enough I told him I didn't trust him. I asked why did he do this to me. I'm his g/f, etc. I mean I let him have it. (Yes 4 months later and I decide to say something I know bad idea.)His excuses were lame. He apologized profusely saying it won't happen again, and he's kept to his word, but I'm not sure if I'll ever able to just trust him 100%.

 

It's bad enough to have someone sign up on those sites and be close distance, but to be LDR and go on those sites, makes it even harder. Thing is I'll never know again if he does have another account, I'm sure he made another email, which I'm not sure what it would be, or what would be on that account.

 

I'm not sure if I made the right decision by staying with him. I still obsess a little at times, cause my mind always goes back to it. I'm not sure really. Has anyone had this issue before with their SO going on another site? What was the result?

 

It is true that you will not know. And since you played your hand and called him out, he will be even more cautious and secretive. It is likely he will keep looking for someone close distance and if he finds it then he may just disappear. You might as well just end it now and save yourself a world of hurt.

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Posted

I think sometimes guys do it as a joke. In saying that though, you are in a long distance relationship and i wouldnt really take it very lightly. My ex of three years signed up to that website - ashley madison i think? and several others. He had paid premium accounts and there were a few messages to other women, nothing hinting meeting up with them but they were very flirty. When i confronted him, it was the same excuse that he did it for a "joke" and it was just like porn to him. It took me a good month to confront him (dont worry i am a late reactor aswell), and he didnt do it again. But nonetheless i had no trust in him, and he continued to break it doing other things, probably because i was always on his back, or just the fact that he did not respect our relationship or me to begin with.

 

If you really love him, try and talk to him about it. If you dont think its serious then tell him that it bothers you, and maybe try and ask him if he is still doing it? He might lie to you, but its up to you and your trust in him to make that decision. To be honest, it looks like a red flag to me because it's quite disrespectful towards you, and i doubt that you are in any way inadequate for this man! In my situation, this was one of the reasons it fell apart, but every situation is different, and if you choose to forgive him you have to stick by your decision!

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