penguin23 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I've never been someone to go on casual dates. I'm pretty shy (although I can really pretend I'm not) so I find them pretty stressful/exhausting. I know that dating can sometimes help you move on. Maybe they help you realize that the ex isn't the only person out there? Between relationships I don't really date. Either I'm interested in a serious relationship with someone or I'm not. I've had 3 serious relationships in my life and after each I've taken a long time (2 years!) to start dating again. 2 years seems maybe a little excessive though. What's your take on casually dating after a break up? How much time do you need before you start dating again? Is it a good idea just to keep busy?
RogerWallace111 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Don't have much insight, but do find myself having similar questions. I'm in my early 20s and have only been in one long term relationship (which ended almost 8 weeks ago). Before that, things kind of sorted themselves out as I was in highschool and then college. I personally would like to start "dating" now, because yeah, it helps show you there are others out there with whom you can connect, at a time when you might have an irrational fear of that not being the case. 2 years seems a bit excessive, though I wouldn't rush into things either. Just do what feels right. Getting right back into a relationship might be a bad idea, as might be casual sex (maybe not for guys hehe, but i know girls often report feeling used/worse after meaningless sexual encounters following a bu). But if you've had or have this type of reluctance I'm guessing youre not the type of insecure person looking for a rebound to fill some void. Casually dating sounds beneficial. I don't consider myself shy, but as I've been putting myself out there, I'm finding that I have trouble really opening up and being myself around girls. I may come across as calm, collected, and even confident, but it's like I can't help but put on a little bit of an act (maybe I also am just pretending not to be shy...). It's like I'm trying to be cool to the point it makes me relatively impersonal with people. When I want to just be my naturally cool but funny/quirky self. Especially cause my sense of humor is possibly my strongest attribute when I'm fully comfortable with the person I'm talking to (i.e. good friends, my ex, family). Even with my ex it took about a week of us spending time together before I felt like I really let my guard down the way I would a close friend. It's to the point that I probably come across as somewhat tame/boring to people I don't know well, where most of my friends would probably call me one of if not the funniest/ most outrageous/unique guy they know. I'm hoping it's just the post breakup phase that's got me kind of self-conscious and the real me will be back soon. Any thoughts on that ?
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I've never been someone to go on casual dates. I'm pretty shy (although I can really pretend I'm not) so I find them pretty stressful/exhausting. I know that dating can sometimes help you move on. Maybe they help you realize that the ex isn't the only person out there? Between relationships I don't really date. Either I'm interested in a serious relationship with someone or I'm not. I've had 3 serious relationships in my life and after each I've taken a long time (2 years!) to start dating again. 2 years seems maybe a little excessive though. What's your take on casually dating after a break up? How much time do you need before you start dating again? Is it a good idea just to keep busy? Oh F*** tell me about it, I hate dating. Can we please skip to the part where we are comfortable with each other?
RogerWallace111 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 ^Yes how can you skip to that part.... aaaha
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 ^Yes how can you skip to that part.... aaaha lol you filthy lil thing! I was at the icecream parlor yesterday and I felt so bad for those two people, clearly on the first date. She was clearly out of his league too. Wonder if they went for a second date.
Author penguin23 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 . I'm hoping it's just the post breakup phase that's got me kind of self-conscious and the real me will be back soon. Any thoughts on that ? Yeah, you'll probably be back to normal after some time. Break ups definitely throw us for a loop. For me, I'm definitely going to hold off on dating for awhile....but not TWO YEARS. jeesh. way too long. Maybe I'll wait until I can go through an entire day without crying about my breakup. It would be soo horrible to start crying on a date. Although maybe it would make a good story (anything bad that's going on in my life is becoming "well maybe i can write a book")
KatZee Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 lol you filthy lil thing! I was at the icecream parlor yesterday and I felt so bad for those two people, clearly on the first date. She was clearly out of his league too. Wonder if they went for a second date. Oh God, like mere days after my relationship ended I saw a couple clearly on their first date. It was NOT going well, the conversation was so painful. My friend and I were doing sideline commentary throughout the whole date. At the end the girl semi hugged him and was like, "I'll see you soon." And my friend and I were both like... "yeah right!" I've been in several long term relationships. I have NEVER in my life dated. I don't date in between relationships, I just always find myself getting to know someone as a friend, and then we're in a relationship lol. I've never personally gone out to search for love, I just go about my life and let it find me, and in every single case, it has. So being single now (almost three months) I'm not TOO worried, but I'll always have the days where I think, "Oh my God I'm getting so old, and with my routine I'll NEVER find a new person!!" I find dating to be painful. I actually did some speed dating a couple weeks ago just for the hell of it, to see what it was about and it was HORRID! I was so glad I only had to spend 5 minutes each with these people. Imagine a whole date lasting a whole entire night!!??! Ugh!
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