KS11 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Im sorry in advance for this message as i feel it maybe quite long and im sure ive bored most of you by now with previous posts. Im not really sure what i want to say exactly, only that im scared. I think i've finally realised that its over and i cant fight anymore. I know i have to tell her that we cant speak anymore but i just dont want to. I don't want to lose her even though its killing me. Even though i know that im getting nothing out the relationship. I met up with her at the weekend and we had the best time, like there was nothing wrong, and i really thought things would start to go back to how they were...but they havent. I havent heard from her since. I read an earlier post about being emotionally obsessed, and i am...ive spent the last 3 days pretty much just staring at my phone which i know is so pathetic, but i just want my friend back. Things have become so bad in the last 6 months, that this morning i finally went to the doctors in the hope they could refer to me a counsellor, im not sure what good it will do. Its not going to bring her back. I feel like my life has slowly fallen apart around me, and im helpless to do anything. Im in my final year of university, stuck at home and have no idea what i want to do with my life. I feel like im stuck in limbo which makes everything worse. She was the only thing that i care about and i just dont think that'll ever go. I know i have to end it, i was thinking of writing a letter, but deep down i know i dont want to. I dont want to extinguish even the tiniest of hopes that it doesnt have to be like this. I jsut want to matter like i used to. Maybe its best that i dont say anything, and just leave it. F*ck i really cant deal with this anymore, i honestly feel like without her, theres nothing. No matter what happens i'll never stop loving her, i could never forget or replace her. I just want this pain to stop. im sorry
Acrobaticdealer Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 If you don't want I say goodbye then don't. If you love her then you'll let her go but that doesn't mean it has to be forever. I was in your exact situation 6 weeks ago and I made so many mistakes. Begging ect. Don't do any of this! If she wants out then she wants out and there's nothing you can do right now. Respect her decision, tell her you love her, show her how much you love her and then say im here if you want to talk. You'll get another chance bro, just don't push her away like i did.
Author KS11 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 hi, thank you for your reply. Thats the thing though, she hasnt said she wants out she said lets see what happens, and that she doesnt want me to go. But i cant take it the way things are now. I dont know whether im being to impatient. I'v just got back from being away for 3 months and she said mentioned that. But the thing is i've been patient for nearly 2 years now. Im just not strong enough to do it either way, i dont think i can keep on like it as the moment if we're barely talking. Am i supposed to act like theres nothing wrong and accept the small amount of contact she gives me, or tell her straight? This may sound stupid, but at the weekend she invited me back to hers for the night, nothing happened, we didnt even sleep in the same bed. But before she has mentioned to me that nothing ever happens between us. I cant stop wondering whether me being indecisive and not making a move has finally made her give up. The only reason i didnt do anything was because of the months of mixed signals. I really want to ask her about it, but i know it'll just come off as me being needy! I wish the tears would go! I used to be so happy
Acrobaticdealer Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I don't think asking her outright would be needy tbh. You kind of deserve it. How long where you together ?
Author KS11 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 We've never been together. Which must sound ridiculous, but its a pretty long story. The short of it is, i've been in love with her almost since i first met her, but never dreamed id have chance so didnt say anything. She started seeing someone, but broke it off because of me, saying she felt guilty. Then jsut before christmas i decided enough was enough and we went NC for a while, until she messaged me saying she needed to speak. Where she told me she felt the same and wanted to give something a go. After that though, she had some problems at home etc/ i acted like an idiot so nothing ever happened really, and its kinda stayed like that since. Although she still claims that the feelings i there. But to me, it doesnt feel like it. Theres so many things that have happened which i wont bore you with..i just cant imagine what its going to be like without her.
Dblock10 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 sounds like you have waited two years for this girl. and unfortunately you had the chance to be there for her when she needed you but you say you were an idiot?! if it were me, id be straight up. all your doing is playing games with yourself. it took me a year to be straight up, sure it didn't change anything but at least i can relax knowing i said my peace.. i think you need to address the issues, unless you honestly feel waiting for a bit longer would help... i think it would be healthy to know precisely where you stand
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