Feelin_fine Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Lost. Sort of bewildered at this point. I've been up for about 36 hours, so I'll keep it brief and readable. My girlfriend of just over a year dropped me by phone. It's odd because minutes before dropping the hammer we were actively planning a vacation. I was so blindsided I'm not sure if I'm not really sure how I reacted. I'm off on a short work trip, and I somewhat held her from doing anything definite before I get back-but be honest. It doesn't look good. It's not that I did anything wrong, or that she's unhappy, or that I took her for granted. She would say that's not the case anytime I asked. She figures it'll end, and later on it would be harder, so why not do it now? I almost drove home to see her right then. I was blindsided because I thought we were actively planning a future together, and things were going so well. I think we got out of the conversation gracefully, and I'm planning to (try) not call her for as many days as possible, but judging by how screwed up my head and emotions are right now, it's tough to say. Beyond all that, this sucks. It's a 6 hour drive to see her, and theres no way with this job to do that. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I still have to work. I have no outlet. I'm a pretty level headed guy, so don't think I'm getting all emo, but there are very real physical effects stemming from very real and all-to-consuming emotional issues. Is there any reason to hope? I'm trying to keep myself grounded and prepared to responsibly deal with this when it really hits-but any hope would probably help me ease into that phase.
Zammo25 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 When a Woman goes off you that is it. There is no fathoming of the female mind. One day she loves you to death. The next day you mean nothing to them. That is the way of Women I am afraid. Why ? Who knows but it happens so often that I believe a Woman is interested when you are " the chase " but when they have you and you settle down to the everyday **** of life they get bored and think things are better without you and they move onto someone else. They probably did this transition well before you even knew it. They also will find someone to take your place in no time, probably already have before they drop the bomb, believe me as Women generally find it much easier to move on than Men. It sucks but that is the way it is. 2
darkmoon Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 plan a new chapter immediately, you must not look back, it's does your head in, that new phase is yours to plan - enjoy it, it's your future xx 1
headonstraight Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Feelin_fine, I am sincerely sorry this has happened to you. Please know you are not alone. Your situation is all too familiar to me, as my ex GF dumped me a bit more than a month ago (quite abruptly), and I'm in no-contact (NC) mode as an enabler to the healing process. I suggest you gather yourself, and do the same. In the short period of time since being dumped, I have made new friends, have been going out, running/working out harder than ever before, and having tons of fun. Yes it's hard sometimes, but one needs to challenge themselves to heal and focus on loving themselves again. The trick is to focus on YOU and gaining confidence and happiness with yourself. I hope this helps a bit. We're all here for you.
yogamobb Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 This happened to me a couple weeks ago. Left me broken hearted. (I will post details). This is a loss of interest. The reason for the loss of interest is irrelevant because it cant be brought back. They have usually moved on long before you get the call, text, or face to face convo. For guys it happens when they don't see us as Alphas any longer. IMO 1
Author Feelin_fine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Thanks everyone. I don't think I can do anything to change this. It hurts so much already, and I'm not even ready to step into real grieving yet. I Still haven't eaten, or slept and things will only get worse before they get better. I've only had one or two bad breakups in my life, mostly because I only invest as much as the person is worth, but when I do I don't hold back. That might have been the problem. This breakup will be tough on me. I get the impression it won't be as tough for her though, and that hurts the most. 1
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 When a Woman goes off you that is it. There is no fathoming of the female mind. One day she loves you to death. The next day you mean nothing to them. That is the way of Women I am afraid. Why ? Who knows but it happens so often that I believe a Woman is interested when you are " the chase " but when they have you and you settle down to the everyday **** of life they get bored and think things are better without you and they move onto someone else. They probably did this transition well before you even knew it. They also will find someone to take your place in no time, probably already have before they drop the bomb, believe me as Women generally find it much easier to move on than Men. It sucks but that is the way it is. Someone's bitter. 1
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Lost. Sort of bewildered at this point. I've been up for about 36 hours, so I'll keep it brief and readable. My girlfriend of just over a year dropped me by phone. It's odd because minutes before dropping the hammer we were actively planning a vacation. I was so blindsided I'm not sure if I'm not really sure how I reacted. I'm off on a short work trip, and I somewhat held her from doing anything definite before I get back-but be honest. It doesn't look good. It's not that I did anything wrong, or that she's unhappy, or that I took her for granted. She would say that's not the case anytime I asked. She figures it'll end, and later on it would be harder, so why not do it now? I almost drove home to see her right then. I was blindsided because I thought we were actively planning a future together, and things were going so well. I think we got out of the conversation gracefully, and I'm planning to (try) not call her for as many days as possible, but judging by how screwed up my head and emotions are right now, it's tough to say. Beyond all that, this sucks. It's a 6 hour drive to see her, and theres no way with this job to do that. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I still have to work. I have no outlet. I'm a pretty level headed guy, so don't think I'm getting all emo, but there are very real physical effects stemming from very real and all-to-consuming emotional issues. Is there any reason to hope? I'm trying to keep myself grounded and prepared to responsibly deal with this when it really hits-but any hope would probably help me ease into that phase. Has she gotten tired of the distance? Is this a permanent arrangement or are you there temporarily?
Author Feelin_fine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Temporary, more time done than left. I get the impression the distance made me want to draw closer, and I think that's what pushed her away. Piecing it all together, given all she said, I don't see any other choice but to let her go. It goes against all I feel for her, and I want to fight more than anything. But no amount of fighting will help her out. For some reason that's all I want even now-is for her to find what will make her happy. I've only told two girls I loved them (or even used "love" within 2 sentences of a proper noun). One girl I knew it was a lie very quickly, and felt young and foolish (an accomplishment for a then-19 year old kid). A decade later, I never did string those three in that cliche combo for her, but with every breath and action I tried to be love to her. Those words were going to be strung together on my return. Now I suppose instead of saying I love her, I have to actually love her and figure out a way to let her go. It'll be a sad day when I truly believe those words.
Samilia Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Do you think she could have met someone while you were gone? Or maybe gotten tired of "waiting around"? Nothing wrong with being picky with your love.
Author Feelin_fine Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I don't think so. at least I don't get that impression. The overall theme was freedom, space, her ambitions. What she thinks I want, and what she thinks she wants. More freedom. I love - She doesn't/won't/can't (not a judgement-she couldn't rule any of those out as possible reasons. all of which could be/most likely is my fault). Just an overriding and convincing "its not you, its me" argument, but a hint of confusion of what actually is driving the breakup. What else can I do but convince myself to let her go? (I haven't even convinced myself that we really just broke up.) I really don't want to. I really don't. But she needs to be happy.
PropertyChaser Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Someone's bitter. He's also - god forbid - right more often than he would be wrong.
PropertyChaser Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I don't think so. at least I don't get that impression. The overall theme was freedom, space, her ambitions. What she thinks I want, and what she thinks she wants. More freedom. I love - She doesn't/won't/can't (not a judgement-she couldn't rule any of those out as possible reasons. all of which could be/most likely is my fault). Just an overriding and convincing "its not you, its me" argument, but a hint of confusion of what actually is driving the breakup. What else can I do but convince myself to let her go? (I haven't even convinced myself that we really just broke up.) I really don't want to. I really don't. But she needs to be happy. Well - excessive "freedom" isn't good either, in my experience. The reason I find that to be the case is that in my opinion relationships require a certain amount of maintenance, upkeep, and so on. When people are "free" when you actually tend to need them they accuse you of being overbearing, or that you're taking away their freedom and so on and so forth. Gotta strike the right balance.
AlexanderJames Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 I think what Zammo said holds true to younger girls. Not so much for matured women. My prediction; She lost interest, for reasons unknown and now unimportant. You will take up NC after recieving 100's of suggestions to do so. Sometime within the next 6 months she will realise she made a mistake, get scared and try to get you back. Whether this is before or after you've let go and moved on with your life is the question. All the best mate it really does suck being in this position. Love is a bitch. Hope you pick yourself up and dust yourself off pretty quick.
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