bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I don't really know what I wish to accomplish but I have no one else to turn to for this issue. Me and my fiance have been engaged/going out for almost 5 years now. We've been through so much (miscarriage, doctor said we'll never have a child but we got blessed with one in '09). Last month I screwed up royally. She texted me from another number acting as a female wanting to sell speakers as I was looking to buy some. She did the whole sales pitch and then started hitting on me asking if I wanted to hook up and if I was single and what not. Let me make this clear from the start, I never thought of meeting up to cheat on her or leaving her, that never crossed my mind. To tell you the truth it was just fun to talk to someone as I have absolutely no friends other then people at work. So any way the woman she pretended to be kept asking if I was single and stuff, to which I said maybe I am maybe I'm not. I kept talking with her for a day and she asked me if I wanted to have lunch and maybe I can get the speakers for free, but I NEVER wanted to cheat on my fiance so I never met up with the "woman". I went to my brothers house the next night. Well my fiance texted me and said I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again, we're through. So I did the usual thing most men do is begged, cried, pleaded, promised I'll change. I kept begging for a couple weeks. At one point in time within the last month, we had sex and she agreed we will try and work through it. Well next day, she changed her mind. I asked if we'll ever be together and she said not romantically, she KNOWS she'll never be able to trust me so there's no point in trying. Now she is moving 6 hours away with our children soon and I'll be stuck here in the same city we were living in. When we first started dating she told me that there were 3 things that were relationship breakers 1)Hitting, 2)Lying, 3)Cheating. She thinks I cheated on her, I know i fu**ed up and I am totally remorseful, not because she is leaving me but because I hurt the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Does she really mean what she said or is she just so hurt that she is moving away? I am keeping hope because we've truly been through so much stuff and made it through that most people never experience. I really have no choice but to let her move away with my children, but I can't stand knowing I wont be with them. I know that I'll hear of stuff that I fu**ed up and to let her go and I should have been a better man then that. Like I said I don't know what I am looking to accomplish, I'm just looking for some advice. Do I give up or keep hope and keep trying because of our past and children? I've come to realize in this short amount of time that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, that will never change. It's really breaking me down and making me cry, because my baby girl is standing here next to me while I write this. I can't help but feel like a failure because I messed up and now she's gonna have separated parents and I know it's gonna kill her. I have 2 step children with this woman, and I know it's gonna kill them also. Is there anything I can do honestly? Please someone give me some advice. I don't know if I left anything out, because I'm emotional right now, but if you need more info let me know.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Well, I have a feeling that she knew she was going to move 6 hours away from you. So, she was testing you to give herself an excuse and permission to go ahead with her plans. That was pretty crappy the way she handle things. By the way, and I hate to bring this up, but you said that you two weren't able to have kids, then all the sudden there's kids? I would see a doctor and see if you are capable of having children. Then, I would see a lawyer about getting an injunction that she can't leave the state with the kids. The kids need their father in their lives.
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 She had 2 kids before we got together. We were together and a few months later she got diagnosed with blood clots that got into her lungs and legs. The doctor had to put a filter in her abdomen in which the doctor said pregnancy would be very unlikely, but pretty much said it was impossible. So we kept having sex thinking that a kid would never come, and one day she went in for a check up and get her medication she was on and the doctor said "I can't give you this medicine, you are a couple months pregnant." It is messed up what she did and there was other ways to tell me, but what she did has come and gone. I may be silly, but I just want her back. I told her how much it's really gonna affect the kids and she agreed with me, but is still moving on with her plans. She says there's no other man and she will not be looking for another one. She said "is it so bad I want to raise the kids alone?" I said yeah, they need a father, and there will never be another person who is a better father for them.
salmagundi Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Dude, getting taken in that way sucks and it probably wasn't the smartest move to go along with that, but its still pretty damn shady of her...I mean...that's entrapment, she set you up to fail. I agree that something else is going on here. Honestly, how long after this breakup did she supposedly decide to move 6 hours away? It seems to me that a big move relatively far away would take some advance planning and foresight. Does she know people there? Does she have a job lined up? Did she just happen to line this job up in the short time since she's been broken up? I dunno, I agree with Chitown...I just don't think this smells very good...
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I know it wasnt smart on my half at all. I realized I messed up as soon as I started talking to her. She knows people there who have houses they rent. Her and her daughter are on disability so she doesn't need to work. She said we would work it out and then a week or so later said she was moving. Then a week later we had sex and she said we'll try and work it out, we talked about moving up north together. Then the next day she said she'll never be able to trust me because of the pain she's suffered in her past of being cheated on and physically abused. I just don't know what to do. I mean i KNOW that i love her and want to keep my family together, but as it stands right now she said we'll never be romantic together again but we'll always be friends
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I should mention shes got OCD adult adhd anxiety and depressiin. Shes on medicine. Oh and shes 40
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 From the outside lookin in, is all hope for me and her over? Or will she see she made a mistake? She knows how close me and my daughter are, it's going to eat my daughter alive. She'll be 3 next month, but even when I leave to go to work everyday she cries and hangs on to me. I cant even imagine what she'll be like 6 hours away. I have literally stuck by my fiance through sickness, her childs sickness, financial troubles. I left college to be with her and take care of her. Does that mean nothing to her or will she see everything I've done and want to make things work?
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Does that mean nothing to her or will she see everything I've done and want to make things work? Nope! Not one damn bit! Right now, she is extremely selfish and it's all about her. Most women would put the children first and most women would realize a good father when they see one and wouldn't make the kids suffer just because she's not getting along with the man. Okay, she's not happy with the man, but it doesn't change the fact that he's a good father and wouldn't think of removing him from the childrens lives because it isn't their fault. She is being selfish. You have rights to at least one child. Fight for the kids. Don't let her take them away from you. Now, is the time to start being selfish yourself!
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Do you think she'll come to her senses? If you have kids you know how hard it is, but on top of that i took in HER kids as my own. Sure i didnt always have the best relationship with her daughter but i get stressed out too, i have depression. Not everyone is perfect but if i didnt love her or her kids i would have left WAY before we had a child together . She gave me opportunities to leave straight up bu i never did.
Zammo25 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) Something is not right here. What she did was awful. It was entrapment as someone else said. From what you said you had a little flirt. You did not cheat in any real sense of the word. To end it with you over this is ridiculous. That is what makes me feel the relationship was on the way out before you even knew it. She maybe decided it was over a while back but did not let you know and did this to give her a reason to end it and put all the blame on you. Women are good at that. Also I wonder if she has someone else on the sidelines waiting to come onto the field of play. Women are also good at that. Something does not add up here. Edited July 18, 2012 by Zammo25
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 So I'm pretty much fighting a losing battle? She won't budge on working things out. She said I need accept that we're broken up. I feel stupid for wanting to get her back, but after all we've been through for almost 5 years I can't help but keep hope. I really do love her with all my heart, even with flaws
Zammo25 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Something is not right buddy. I feel you do not know the full story. Not by a long way. She has treated you terribly imo.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 So I'm pretty much fighting a losing battle? She won't budge on working things out. She said I need accept that we're broken up. I feel stupid for wanting to get her back, but after all we've been through for almost 5 years I can't help but keep hope. I really do love her with all my heart, even with flaws Okay, fine you're broken up. So, stop worrying about her and her feelings towards you and start fighting for those kids!
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I hear what everyone is saying. It looks like everyone else is just as confused as I am. Here the whole time I thought it was just cause "she can't trust me" after I did that. I just got home from work and took a shower, and she came in the kitchen and said "oh you were in the shower, was she good"? She's said that a few times in the last month. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but if we were broken up, it wouldn't matter if I was nailin the entire city, she wouldn't care. Right? Now is she just wanting her cake and eating it to or does she still care for me and doesn't want to hurt her pride and work things out? I want to go to court for my child but I don't have $1500 dollars just to even get a lawyer, plus it'll be even more to go to court, get a paternity test, and all that. I make minimum wage, am in debt up to my knees.
Author bamarebel334 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 What are the chances of reconciliation? I want to do whats best for my children and that is to have both parents. What should I do when they move? Just have NC and hope she misses me. I think she'll realize everything I did for her. I admit i was too easy, i would run to the store if she needed somethin, if she complained about the house id clean it. I just thought itd make ger happy but after reading a lot of ebooks, I realized I had a lot to do with our problems. I was too available, too needy. Our polarities got turned around and i pretty much became the woman. Do you know that she hasnt given our kid a bath in a long time, i always do it. She was a single mother before me but that was 5 years ago. Now shes got a teenager and a toddler. Its very difficult with 2 people, but i imagine it'll take its toll on her doin it by herself. The ebooks i have are magic of making up, ex squared system and text your ex back. Im thinkong of following text your ex back. Any one have any luck with any of those or ebooks in general? I thnk eveb if she finds another guy, no one wouod ever put up with all the crap i have for her.
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